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These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods ...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just
kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(Hmm ... something must have gotten lost in the translation ... )

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one ... )

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this ... )

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

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Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 

 

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Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
 
I saw a can of EZcheese once that said "for best results, please remove cap."
 

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Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
 
Remember the old days when 5.25" floppies came with "idiomatics" on the back of the floppy sleeve telling you what not to do to disks, such as hit them with a magnet, cut them, etc...?

I'll never forget a company called Beagle Brothers that use to do software for Apple computers. Beagle disks would have pictures advising you not to cut disks with chainsaws, don't feed disks to alligators, don't run over them with a car, don't eat them, don't blow them up with dynamite, etc... etc... Was wonderfully entertaining.
 

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Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
 
I was delighted, while in Nova Scotia this past fall, to see a sign at the liquor store which noted that if you were vomiting, they would refuse to sell alcohol to you.

It even had a stick-figure diagram.

I love Nova Scotia.
 

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Posted by DevilDreamt (Member # 10242) on :
 
I've seen many of these in real life. One of my favorites is on an air soft gun we got from Japan, and it reads "Do not point at the animal."

Of course, you have to see the little cartoon mischievous boy pointing the gun at a funny little cartoon dog that's running away into some bushes to get the full effect...

The warning label probably shouldn't make ignoring the warning label look like fun.

[ March 27, 2007, 02:16 AM: Message edited by: DevilDreamt ]
 

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Posted by Cashew (Member # 6023) on :
 
My favourite is the "Open packet, eat nuts".
 

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Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
 
While amusing, those directions/warnings make me sad because they suggest they are necessary.
 

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Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 
I got a scented candle as a gift that came with extensive warnings and instructions. To the best of my recall, they included: Do not leave candle unattended. Attend candle at all times. It is important that someone observe the candle closely while it is lit (which made me wonder about the prior warnings -- did they apply to the unlit candle?). Make sure that the wick is kept at a length of 1/4 inch at all times. Do not place on furniture, countertops, clothing, or near combustable materials. In case of fire, call 911.

My son and I had a riot cracking up over that one. We took turns attending the unlit candle, in an unlit candlelight vigil.


On my assemble-it-yourself night table, the instructions (tucked into the box) had as the first instruction, "Open box." Are there really folk out there who thought that the cardboard box with the picture of a night table on it was the finished product?
 

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Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
 
1) Peanuts are not nuts.
2) Some people have a severe peanut allergy, but can safely eat nuts.
3) Some people have a severe nut allergy (most often to walnuts and/or pecans), but can safely eat peanuts.
4) Nuts and peanuts are often batch-processed through the same machinery. ie A batch of peanuts can be roasted and packaged through a set of machines, then a batch of nuts can be roasted and packaged through the exact same machinery; repeating the changeover between nuts and peanuts throughout the plant's operating cycle.
5) The cyclic batch-processing leaves behind peanut and nut residue on the machinery.
6) The residue can contaminate a batch of peanuts with nut fragments, oils and proteins. And contaminate a batch of nuts with peanut fragments, oils&proteins.
7) That residue cross-contamination can trigger anaphylaxis, cause the allergy sufferer to be literally minutes away from death. Without immediate medical intervention, the allergy sufferer can die from anaphylactic shock.

So while the "May contain nuts" on a peanut package, or "May contain peanuts" on a nut package, might be just a joke for the uninformed, the warning is a life saver for those who have those types of allergies.

[ March 27, 2007, 05:04 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
 

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Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
 
"On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this ... )"

Lost my grip on a chainsaw when it bucked unexpectedly; releasing the trigger in the process. Then reflexively caught it by the blade with the other hand to prevent it from falling ~40feet/~12metres to the ground. While releasing the trigger had caused the electric motor to stop nearly instantaneously, chain braking doesn't work as fast. So the chain itself was still spinning around the blade when I made the catch.
Saved it from falling, but my glove definitely suffered for my actions. Ended up with a couple of ugly skin-deep cuts on my fingers.

The sad part is that it wouldn't have fallen to the ground. As usual when working up in a tree, I'd tethered the chainsaw to a limb with a 10foot/3meter rope to prevent such an accident from endangering anyone who happened to wander by below.
Sometimes the reflex is just wrong.
However, I was definitely in the wrong for using that chainsaw at arm's-length while gripping it with only one hand.

[ March 27, 2007, 09:47 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
 

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Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
 
"On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)"

Considering that some IDIOT can successfully sue McDonalds for deciding to hold a cup of hot coffee between her thighs -- while operating a motor vehicle, which is illegal -- then spilling it onto her crotch...

[ March 27, 2007, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
 

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Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
 

quote:

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On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just
kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

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quote:

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On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

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quote:

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On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

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quote:

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Originally posted by zgator:

quote:

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On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

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Many Christmas light are for indoor use only.

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quote:

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On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.

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Is my favorite. Keep out of children, but stabbing adults is perfectly acceptable
 

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Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
 

quote:

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Right, but then the word "only" should have been omitted.

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quote:

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Originally posted by aspectre:
Considering that some IDIOT can successfully sue McDonalds for deciding to hold hot coffee between her thighs -- while operating a motor vehicle, which is illegal -- then spilling it onto her crotch...

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Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head:
My understanding is that McDonalds served their coffee so hot because it allowed them to save money by using lower quality coffee.

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Originally posted by aspectre:
Sometimes the reflex is just wrong.

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I was working with stained glass in 7th grade and lost my grip on the soldering iron. It would have fallen about 4' before hitting the floor but I still tried to catch it. And was rewarded with a nasty burn on the side of my finger of course.
 

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Posted by DevilDreamt (Member # 10242) on :
 
I don't think you appreciate third-degree burns. Among other things, they don't usually hurt, because they damage nerve endings. If it's a true third-degree burn, the skin tissue will never heal. In this case, she had to get skin grafts.

Sure, she knew there was a risk, but I bet she anticipated second degree burns at the worst. At 180 degrees coffee can cause third degree burns. At 160 degrees, which is still hotter than most people make it at home and hotter than what most restaurants will serve it at, the coffee probably wouldn't have even caused second degree burns. Consumers, even knowing that the coffee is very hot, were completely ignorant of the risk involved. Honestly, I still have trouble believing that hot coffee can cause third-degree burns, but apparently it can. I mean, I've placed my entire hand in boiling water before and only got a slight first degree burn. Granted, it was no 2-7 seconds of exposure... but still. That hot coffee was, for most people, hot beyond their imagination.

"And specificly because she took the risk then decided to blame others for her injury, she is an IDIOT."

This is what makes people idiots? I might call them childish or immature, but idiotic? At the worst, she's not taking responsibility for her own actions. If that's how you define an idiot, okay.... I won't argue with how you define things, but my understanding of the word is a bit different.

Now, if you want to call her an idiot for engaging in an activity without fully understanding the risks, you would have a point. But most people aren't going to study up on what temperature coffee can cause third-degree burns and then go through the trouble of making certain that restaurants they go to don't serve it over that temperature. It's common practice to assume that coffee is served at a temperature that won't cause third-degree burns. I don't think that assumption is idiotic. Serving it that hot was pretty stupid on behalf of McDonalds.

"The judge called McDonalds' conduct reckless, callous and willful."

I tend to agree with that assessment. They knew their coffee was unreasonably hot, and as someone who would have underestimated the severity of a coffee spill, I'm glad they don't serve it that hot anymore.
 

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Posted by Tara (Member # 10030) on :
 
Oh yeah, the other use.



 

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Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
 
And you still don't see McDonald's labeling their apple pies with a "Warning: filled with lava" statement, do you?
 

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