Saturday night, my grilfriend of two months told me she's just not interested in women anymore. Sunday, she went on a date with one of our guy friends, Jerry. I spent most of Saturday night and Sunday crying, because I didn't really understand it. Eventually, though, I calmed down. I realized, she's still the best friend I've ever had, and it's stupid to lose something like that over something like a romantic relationship. So, we're friends, and probably closer than we've ever been because of it.
This got me to thinking yesterday about how much I've changed sine I got to college. A year ago, when Matt and I broke up, I was whiny, angry, hateful. I cried and screamed and tried to get him back. But now... I can't do that. I won't do that. I value the friendship too much to risk losing it. I've really changed.
I guess it's a part of growing up, a part of this "maturity" thing that has so long eluded me, no matter how much my parents bugged me about it. It still hurts. But I'm gonna be okay. I guess that's all I can really ask for, in the end.
I'm not entirely sure why I posted this. I guess I just felt like telling someone else about my "college really does change people" revelation. So...
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Yes. My freshman year of college I had a friend that I liked getting attention from. The attention lagged, I got mad, and that was the end of the friendship. That doesn't happen anymore.
Congratulations on the newfound serenity. Sounds like college is going great, in spite of the romantic setback. Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
Experience changes people, not college. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
*nod* It's all part of the process.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The all-pervasive Experimental College Lesbian trend is showing signs of weakening!
I must notify Girls Gone Wild at once!
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
I'm with Tom and Tres on this one. College itself has nothing to do with the change. From someone who came late to the whole relationship thingy, I can tell you that it was past college-time that I changed, and I've also seen other cases like mine. It's all about experience and the capability of understanding and using that experience to help you pass more easily through simmilar circumstances.
While I'm in no way glad that your relationship didn't last, I'm happy that you already have the maturity to see through the "end of the world" feeling. Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
For the record, she's a senior in high school. And I'm bi. Sorry, no college lesbians here. ^^
College is incredible, except the mono and the being kinda lonely. I don't have any really close friends here- they're all still back home. But I have friends that I talk to in class, and the PSA(Pagan Student Association) is an incredible group altogether. I fit in here, just don't have any really really close friends. But oh well. I've only been here a month. I'll find people.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Hehe, it takes me waaay more than a month to get to the level you're at right now in terms of new friends. You'll certainly find people to be close to. No worries there.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
quote: it's stupid to lose something like that over something like a romantic relationship. So, we're friends, and probably closer than we've ever been because of it.
You're lucky. You're so damn lucky! I lost a friend, a very close one, after we broke up; and it's been far more of a killer that I'll never hug her as a friend again (tough since I'm a "hugger"), and that we're pretty much out of each other's lives. Within the space of minutes we detached almost entirely from each other. It struck me only a month later.
If you have your friendship, that's the important bit. Lovers come and lovers go, but friendship stands forever (I know it's not very true, but it's based on Ecc. 1:4).
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
I went through this just a few weeks ago when my boyfriend ended our 11 month relationship. It would be a lie to say that I didn't have a few heated moments of anger, but then I had the same realization. We're still very close friends. We talk alot and support each other. He's the best friend I've ever had. The first day I met him I remember thinking "this is someone I want in my life." I had hoped for romance but would have enjoyed a friendship then. My feelings are the same now.
I'm also in college, my senior year, and I agree that there's something about this experience that can change people. Every year I feel like a different person. The person I was four years ago wouldn't recognize me now. College with its independence and self-discipline really challenged how I acted and thought about the world around me.
I'm sorry about the end of your relationship but its amazing what good can come out of bad...like this personal realization and a saved friendship. I wish you the best in your endeavors.
Posted by DaisyMae (Member # 9722) on :
Okay, not to change the subject, but since it was brought up, I'm intensely curious about the dating habits of a bisexual. I will openly admit that it makes NO sense to me.
Bisexuals are honestly sexually attracted to both males and females? So when you walk into a room of singles you just scope out...everybody? There's not even a hint of preference?
You mentioned a boyfriend and now this girlfriend. Is the gender of your significant other just based on who you happen to meet?
What if you and your girlfriend had stayed together? What if you wanted to have a monogomous relationship for a really long time. Would you still be a bisexual with a female partner, or would you slide on over to lesbian?
Truly, the most confusing concept for me.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Daisy: Yes, we're capible of monogomous relationships. I am monogomously married but still bisexual.
One can like one sex more and still be bi. You don't have to be exactly 50/50.
Do you REALLY scope out every guy you meet?
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
*coughs* Kinda like how, contrary to popular opinion, if a gay guy is in the room, he is not necessarily looking at your ass. Now, if you were, perhaps, to have an exceptionally nice one, he might not be able to help it. But it's not a given.
Sorta like that.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Of course he's not looking at my ass. I'm a girl.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Not mine either.
My ass is safe.
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: My ass is safe.
o_O
That parses... strangely.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
I can't honestly say I have a gender preference. I don't just scope out everyone I meet- I prefer guys with a bit of meat on them, but I prefer thinner(but not stick-like) girls. I have different preferences per gender. So no, I'm not attracted to *everyone* in that sense of the word.
If I were in a long-term relationship with a female, I wouldn't be lesbian. If I were in a long-term relationship with a male, I wouldn't be straight. Kinda like how you see a movie star and think "Hey, he'she is hot." I see both females and males like that, whereas straight women would only really see males like that. I guess it's about how I view people I meet, too- I consider whether a romantic relationship would be plausible with more people than a straight person. I dunno, it's just as confusing to explain as it is to understand it, I'm sure.
My ass is non-existant. No, seriously, it's so flat you could build a house on it when I lay on my stomach. I hate it, too.
Posted by Gecko (Member # 8160) on :
I think it was Andrew Dice Clay who said:
<Edited out quote, because asterisks didn't quite cut it. --PJ>
[ October 17, 2006, 11:57 PM: Message edited by: Papa Janitor ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Well that settles a lot, then. Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I see both male and female people and think they're hot. But I'm only really really into guys. I'm sure there are plenty of women who consider themselves heterosexual who still think that other women are attractive. Or maybe I'm crazy. I likes to watch me some Charlize Theron.
-pH
Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
What's up with people and Charlize Theron?! She's made up of mush!! She looks like she was sculpted out of play-dough! Am I the only one that sees this?
And I like girls. Especially if there's the possibility of a "must wear hard hat" sign somewhere near the posterior.....
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
I consider myself about 75% straight and 25% gay. I do think women are hot, often hotter than I think men are; but I still can't see myself in a relationship with a woman.
Of course, my boyfriend and I have an agreement that if either one of us gets a chance to sleep with Natalie Portman, we have to take it.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by airmanfour: What's up with people and Charlize Theron?! She's made up of mush!! She looks like she was sculpted out of play-dough! Am I the only one that sees this?
And I like girls. Especially if there's the possibility of a "must wear hard hat" sign somewhere near the posterior.....
Are you thinking about Monster Charlize? 'cause she gained 30 lb. for that. Charlize is in some awesome shape. Aeon Flux? Aw, yeah.
-pH
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
quote:Originally posted by DaisyMae: Okay, not to change the subject, but since it was brought up, I'm intensely curious about the dating habits of a bisexual. I will openly admit that it makes NO sense to me.
Bisexuals are honestly sexually attracted to both males and females? So when you walk into a room of singles you just scope out...everybody? There's not even a hint of preference?
You mentioned a boyfriend and now this girlfriend. Is the gender of your significant other just based on who you happen to meet?
What if you and your girlfriend had stayed together? What if you wanted to have a monogomous relationship for a really long time. Would you still be a bisexual with a female partner, or would you slide on over to lesbian?
Truly, the most confusing concept for me.
I'm a straight dude who likes dark skin on women. If I walk in a room with both Indian and black women, I scope out everyone with no hint of preference. Whether my girlfriend is Indian or black is just based on whom I happen to meet. If I stay with my Indian girlfriend for a really long time, I'm still a dude with an Indian girlfriend, but I haven't slid over to interest in solely Indians.
This is rhetorical, obviously, since I'm gladly taken, but doesn't the question seem kinda absurd when put in different terms? Just because I've dated an Indian for a long time doesn't mean I'll never be interested in black women again.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
I recognize beauty in men and women... that doesn't mean I want to 'hook up' with all of them, though.
There are just some people (regardless of their sex) who catch your eye. There are some girls who are totally sexy and carry themselves in a classy way that shows that they know it and that's beautiful to me. The only thing that really GETS me, though, is a guy who can capture my mind...
I guess what I'm saying is that if someone were judging me on what I recognize in other people, I'd probably be bi. At the same time my relationships are straight.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Is it odd that I, who is gay, will occasionally turn my head when an exceptionally pretty girl walks by? It's more of a 'that is one very good looking human being' thing, I think. And I'm pretty sure everyone does that.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
I still like the theory that girls are just a bit more attractive than guys, so everyone looks.
Posted by DaisyMae (Member # 9722) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Daisy: Yes, we're capible of monogomous relationships. I am monogomously married but still bisexual.
One can like one sex more and still be bi. You don't have to be exactly 50/50.
Do you REALLY scope out every guy you meet?
When I was single, yes, I scoped out every single guy. Some were QUICKLY ruled out, but I had to check everyone out.
As far as the comparison between Indian woman and Black woman, I can see the point you were trying to make but there is a GIGANTIC difference between skin color and gender, so no, the question does not seem silly to me.
Of course I can look at women and identify if they are atractive or not. But I always find myself more wanting to BE like them than wanting to GET with them. In fact, I can truly say I have never felt any kind of sexual attraction to a woman.
Forgive me for sounding naive. I get all of the analogies. It really is just something so foreign, the only way for me to understand is to ask.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
quote:...but there is a GIGANTIC difference between skin color and gender, so no, the question does not seem silly to me.
I guess the thing that might make it easier to understand is that this statement is definitely not true for everyone... for some, there may be little to no difference between the two, when it comes to dating
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
You'll certainly find people to be close to. No worries there.
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
I likes to watch me some Charlize Theron.