This is topic Bad Habits.... in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
I've got lots of them. But I'm trying to bring the number down.
I've decided to try and quit smoking. Even though I've tried before, I feel that this time I might really make it. Today will be the last day that I'll light one up...

I'll get back to you after the weekend to tell whether I've caved or not... (if anyone is interested in my silly struggles that is)
 

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Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
 
Good for you!

My father smoked for 40 years - until a quadruple bypass finally stopped him. During surgery, they found emphysema in both lungs and couldn't keep him on a respirator for fear his lungs wouldn't start working again if they took him off. Two years later he developed laryngal cancer and had to have a fully laryngectomy after several months of radiation therapy.

You don't want to go down that path.

If you're finding it very difficult, and don't like the gum or patch, my father did find success quitting for three years by using an acupuncture staple in his ear. Only our nearly getting stranded in the ocean when our boat's propeller broke stressed him out enough to light up again - long after the acupuncture staple had worked its way out. Might be something to look into.
 

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Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
 
Ouch, that's a hard one. I'm not and never have been smoking myself, but I've seen lots of people who had a hard time stopping even though they had health problems because of it. I broke up with my last girlfriend because although she admitted that smoking, overdrinking and taking drugs caused her a lot of trouble she wasn't able to stop. Lying to me about stopping didn't help either.

I also know some who managed to quit despite all the difficulties and are happy about it. An uncle of mine is the most weird case: he used to smoke and drink and one day decided it's enough. Cold turkey on both. Not a cigarette or a drop of alcohol since. It's been 10 or more years since; IIRC he's 38 now and this was in his mid-twenties.

A few questions in no particular order:
How old are you and for how long have you smoked?
Are you a heavy smoker or an occasional one?
And do you smoke in your room? (this one would make it hard to stop since you'll probably feel the smell for the days to come)
Is anyone around you bothered by your smoke?
Any health problems related to smoking?
Psychological ones?

No need to answer these on the board of course , but maybe you can give them a thought.

Good luck! And the first real step would be to not smoke that last one. Throw it away. You'll feel like you are actively doing this, not waiting to run out of cigarettes.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
Well, I've succumbed to temptation. I did not make it through the weekend without smoking. But I smoked less than usual, so I guess that's something to be positive about.

I'm not giving up my efforts to quit.

Thank you for the support.

Corwin: thank you for that list of questions. I'll answer them here, just so I can't deny the answers at a later time.

I'm 25 years of age and have been smoking since I was seventeen.
My intake used to be very little, but it has grown over the years. I wouldn't call myself a heavy smoker, but I'm afraid I might evolve into one if I don't make some changes.
I usually smoke just outside my room, in the garden. It is a small room and the scent of smoke would be very invasive.
I tend to smoke alone and outside, so when it comes to secondhand smoke I don't think there's many people that are bothered by it. Needless to say, there are people who are annoyed with me for smoking.
So far, no severe health problems, excepting of course bad breath. Oh yes, and a lack of energy.
My biggest psychological problem would have to be a negative self-image. Though it wasn't caused by the smoking, it doesn't improve the situation.

That's it for now, more updates will follow.
 

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Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
 
Good luck. One set of my grandparents smoked for 30+ years before my grandmother got emphysema and they both had to quit. My grandfather told me that it was the most difficult thing he's ever done.

I wish you well. After seeing how difficult my grandmother found just walking through a restaurant, it's worth the effort to quit.
 

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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Don't view the weekend as a failure. Just go back to not smoking, if you can...

And if you can't, get some help.

It's worth quitting.
 

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Posted by Libbie (Member # 9529) on :
 
Good for you for trying!! A friend of mine struggles with quitting, too. All I can do is support her! You can do it, dude.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
Still trying, but yesterday I once more succumbed to the temptation, only two though...
 

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Posted by Luet13 (Member # 9274) on :
 
Trying to quit smoking sucks. Big time. I'm going to ask my doctor for some advice, because quitting cold turkey has not been working for me.

It's a very personal thing, and I wish you luck. I'm trying too, and it's hard. So very very hard.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
Well, let's just say that my efforts have continued to prove insufficient. In my defense, it has been a very strange week for me.
Yesterday I started a new job, and if all goes well I will be juggling three jobs from next monday onward. I hope that this will keep me from smoking since it isn't allowed to smoke inside office buildings. (Although I've alread noticed that my new job has a smoking area outside the main building)
In every other respect these past few days have been good; I feel more cheerful (can sometimes even manage a smile) and I'm better able to deal with other people (or is it perhaps the other way 'round?).

I'll keep y'all posted...
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
Are you using anything to help you quit? Gum, patches, support group, hypnotherapy, ANYTHING?

Because statistics indicate that those things do help many people quit.

GOOD LUCK!
 

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Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
 
Best of luck!

I'm trying to kick the habit of hitting my snooze button. It's not working.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
The absence of new posts on this thread can only mean that my efforts have not yet been succesful. It's hardly worth it to inform y'all about the number of smokes I consume each day. ("Flying so high, trying to remember: How many cigarettes did I bring along?")
I am still trying however, and last saturday I managed to withstand the urge to light one up. I know it's not much, but you all know that saying 'bout the longest journey starting with a single step...

Regarding rivka's question whether I use anything to aid my in this situation, here's some info:

Gum: no, not using that, unless you count regular chewing gum. Which does help in a way.
Patches: none of those as well.
Support group: No official support group, but my friends are there for me when I need them. Some of them have dealt with the same problem.
Hypnotherapy: I didn't even know that was an option... however, my insurance wouldn't cover it and right now I don't have the money to pay for such things myself.

I'm really committed to have today be another smoke free day.

The main thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that if I don't quit this time I don't think I'll have it in me to try again.

Thank you for caring... I hope to do better in the future.
 

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Posted by citadel (Member # 8367) on :
 
Keep trying! When you finally quit, it'll be worth all the pain of quiting.

You mentioned you started when you were 17. If I may ask, What made you start?
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
Friends are wonderful.

But I would seriously consider trying one of the various quit-smoking aids out there -- either one I suggested or something else. Quitting smoking is REALLY HARD for most people. A little bit of help can make a big difference.

In any case, good for you for continuing the effort, and GOOD LUCK!
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
I didn't manage to stay smoke free yesterday.
Today I'll just have to try again.

citadel: I'm not sure what the reason was for my starting smoking. I'm pretty sure peer pressure had something to do with it, but I won't ascribe it all to that. Smoking made me feel better (notice the past tense) and that was all I needed to know. Or at least all I thought I needed to know.
It's not as if I wasn't aware of the harmful effects of smoking. But it didn't really outweigh the short term benefits.

Recently it has been becoming ever more clear to me that the smoking, and several other addictions, have all been ways to avoid dealing with a larger problem. Grudgingly I'm beginning to accept that the mere passage of time doesn't heal all wounds, and I'm going to have to do something about it myself. On the other hand, the only effective treatment isn't very appealing and this is why I haven't been able to bridge the gap between finding the solution and actually implementing it. (my apologies for being so vague, it's just that I'm not quite ready to reveal all of my shortcomings, but who knows, perhaps I'll bore you with those in some future thread.)
 

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Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
 
I imagine that happens a lot with people quitting a habit: they start to realize what the habit was hiding.

Best of luck with it. I think talking to others about whether you were smoke-free or not is probably a good thing. Keep it up!
 

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Posted by Luet13 (Member # 9274) on :
 
I'm with you Eduardo. This weekend I'm going out and picking a patch. I have tried cold turkey about ten times in the past 8 months, and it just isn't working for me. I finally realized that I needed to try something else. So if what you're doing now isn't working, try a different way. Who knows? It's worth a shot, right? And it sounds like you're commited to stopping. I am too, but that chemical addiction has been getting me worse than the psychological addiction. Good luck.
 

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Posted by scholar (Member # 9232) on :
 
My dad had a hard time when he decided to quit smoking. He did the grapefruit juice diet- whenever he wanted to smoke, he drank a glass of grapefruit. The sourness of the drink was supposed to help. He managed to quit, so maybe there is something to that. Of course, he was addicted to grapefruit juice for several years after that.
 

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Posted by Samarkand (Member # 8379) on :
 
May I suggest that you get a little black book or other small blank book (or you could use your planner) and write down every day how many you smoked and when?

Also, try displacement - go buy bags of carrots or celery or apple slices or something you find yummy (but healthy!) and let yourself munch on as many of those as you want whenever you get a craving. You might also do a set of sit-ups or pushups at home whenever you want a cigarette, Maybe you could get a weight for the office or do wall sits? Substitute a healthy behavior for the unhealthy one.

Try gradually increasing the amount of time between cigarettes - don't tell yourself you can't have ANY today, just pick a number that's one less than you normally smoke, and then decide when you want to smoke those. Wait 3 days to a week, and cut by one more. Etc.

Going cold turkey is ideal, but it's a really, really hard ideal. My grandpa did it when my grandma was diagnosed with Oat Cell lung cancer. It's still a death sentence (a year to 14 months with treatment) but back then there was no treatment. So he could stop cold turkey because every time he looked at a cigarette it reminded him that his wife was dying.

ANYWAY, you don't have that, so work to gradually, gently, and consistently reduce the amount you smoke until you can get by without.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
Thank you all for the tips. I'll definitely try some of them if the cold turkey thing doesn't work out in the long run. So far, I can honestly say that I'm at least smoking less than I used to.

scholar: I don't think I'll be able to use your idea. It's probably a fairly good way to get rid of the craving, but everytime I'd try to drink grapefruit juice, I'd automatically think of this particular Weird Al song, and presto the juice'd be coming out of my nose. Which is most definitely not something I would like to experience.

To those of you who are trying to quit smoking as well, the best of luck to you.

I'll be in later. Bye for now...
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Eduardo St. Elmo:
So far, I can honestly say that I'm at least smoking less than I used to.

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Which is a Very Good Thing right there!
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
So... the smoking thing is still a work in progress, but I think it's time to honour the title I chose for this thread and own up to some more bad habits.

One other thing I really dislike about myself is the way I say I'm going to do things and then do not do them. This makes me feel bad about myself everytime it occurs.
It's not as if this only happens whenever I have to do something that's really difficult or really annoying, sometimes I can't bring myself to perform the simplest of tasks. Whether the initial plan is my own or I'm responding to a request from another person also doesn't seem to be a decisive factor.
To improve the ratio between my saying I'm gonna do something and the actual undertaking of the task, I first tried to decrease the amount of things that I verbally agreed to do. Basically I was throwing the word 'maybe' around a good deal and then used this an excuse for my lack of action.
This kinda backfired, 'cause it really only decreased the number of things that I'd take on. And sitting around the house all time, with nothing to do wasn't improving my self esteem either. So I'm changing tactics to tackle this thing.
If any of you recognise this problem and want to share anything, feel free to do so. Any input will be received with gratitude.

CQ later...
 

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Posted by AutumnWind (Member # 9124) on :
 
Eduardo

First and foremost it's amazing that you've decided that you would like to quit smoking. Whether or not you have done so to your liking is another story. A classmate of mine is trying to quite as well and if you don't mind I'd like tell you what I've told her.

I'm a reformed smoker. I was a smoker for around 6 years and have quit for around 4 this past August. Now I did it cold turkey because I had been sick for about a week and while I couldn't wait to have that cigarette once I could breathe again (go figure), my best friend says, "hey you've been wanting to quit..why not try now?" Well she was right, and while it was hard it is possible do it.

My 2 secrets are this...a box full of blow pops and pretzel rods. Throw blow pops in your bag, in your car, in your jacket...it doesn't matter. The point they serve is to take the oral fixation away (as the nicotine addiction is supposed to subside around the 72 hr mark) after that it's all about habit, comfort and oral fixation. Not only do you have something to hold in your fingers, but you can keep your mouth busy with the lollipop and then the gum.

The pretzel rods provide you with salt and the same purpose (also go with beer better than blow pops!!!)

Even if you have a couple here and there, the fact is that you're smoking less than you were and that you're getting closer to your goal. Do what I recommended to her, get yourself through each day by seeing the minutes as what you'll get through.

i.e. When you're craving a cig, tell yourself that you won't have one for the next 5 minutes. And after you realize you can make it 5 minutes, stretch the time to 10 minutes etc. You'd be amazed that the day will pass and you can make it through.

Also, if you do have a cigarette don't beat yourself up over it. It's still less than you would have had.

It's not easy at all. But you will be able to do it. My classmate has made it through her first week of not having any (after "cheating") the week before. And she's quite elated. So GOOD LUCK and I wish you the best!!!

Hope this helped at least somewhat.

- Go Eduardo!!!!
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
1
 

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Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
 
They say it takes 40 days to break a habit, and 40 days to start a new one, more or less. That's the precise length of Lent, which is coming up. Good opportunity to identify a change, and make it.

It's also good to have someone you promise to report to, so that if you're tempted to go back on your decision just this once, you won't, because that person will know. (Should be someone who won't let it drop, too.)
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
That last post was to signify the number of days spent without smoking, but it can now be read as the number of smokes I had that day.

I'm gonna try Will's suggestion of following the vasting principle of Lent. This is also partly inspired by that one movie Forty Days and Forty Nights. However, since I'm not really a Christian I didn't know when Lent was taking place this year. Fortunately my beginner level in Google-fu was sufficient to find out about it.

Of course it turns out that, like so many other things that are rooted in religion, opinions differ upon the subject. The orthodox view puts the start of Lent on Clean Monday (February 19th), while others favor Ash Wednesday (February 21st).
So, in keeping with my contrary nature, I'll start my forty day period of abstinence on Nirvana Day (February 15th).

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February 9th, Hatrack River

The following agreement pertains only to the person known in this land and many others as Eduardo St. Elmo.

I hereby solemnly swear to refrain from smoking for a duration of no less than forty whole days, on penalty of premature death. Said period will commence on thursday February 15th, 2007. This means that smoking will not be allowed until monday March 26th, 2007.
This writ also prohibits the bound party to take in marihuana in any other form than reefers. Nor will it be allowed to substitute the pot habit with any other drug, alcohol included.

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I know that this hardly a legally binding document, but nevertheless I would appreciate it if some of you would be willing to act as witnesses to this act. Just a few posts that'll tell me somebody out there read the above.

CQ later
 

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Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 
Witnessed. Good luck with that.
 

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Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
 
Wishing you well, St. Elmo.

I know the times my ex-husband has tried to quit -- he still surrounds himself with other people who constantly smoke (and constantly offer him a smoke), so that makes it very very hard (which is why he has not been successful). I hope you have the option of maybe changing some of your off time activities to not be around it a lot, and the support of your friends who will not try to get you to break your oath.

FG
 

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Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
 
*witnesses signature*

*melts wax over candle, lets it drip*

*stamps*
 

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Posted by SenojRetep (Member # 8614) on :
 
Ik heb 't gelezen; veel succes ermee. Als je iets nodig heb, laat me maar weten.

Sorry I can't do it in Vriesian

Do you want support during the fasting period? Posts, phone calls, chat, whatnot? We could set up a 24-hour support thread, where you could go if you needed someone to talk you through a tough hour or two.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
Thank you for acting as witnesses in this case.

SenojRetep: hartelijk bedankt voor je steun. And by the way, even though I'm originally from Fryslàn, I've never really learned to speak the language. I can understand it, but I guess the overly nationalistic stance some Frisians take towards their culture has always made me somewhat unwilling to join in.

Right now, I don't think it necessary to launch a special support-thread, but I'm warmed by the sentiment. I will try to use this thread as a journal during the oncoming trial.
 

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Posted by Earendil18 (Member # 3180) on :
 
Best wishes Eduardo, you can make it!

One thing that helped me stop drinking pop, was to force myself to react negatively to the mere thought of drinking it. I visualized the sugar coating my teeth and eating away like acid!

My 2c psychology treatment.
 

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Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
 
Congrats on quitting smoking. I hope it sticks. I quit about three months ago. The cravings are better now. There are sometimes when I see someone smoke on a movie or TV show that I get a craving. But I don't "have to have one" anymore.

Now if I could stop biting my fingernails.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
I know that the lack of reports will have led most of you to assume that I've failed in my attempt to quit smoking. You are of course right.

I try and find the words to express the shame that fills me. It took a long time to work up the courage to even own up to my failure. I hope you won't think of me as a hopeless basketcase, even though I do think that myself sometimes.

There are times when I'm totally incapable of facing the reality in which we all live, because I do not understand it. Yet I can vaguely recall a time when this wasn't the case. It is this state of being which I'm trying to recapture.

In my attempts to quit smoking, I have always been looking for 'the right moment', which would be identified to me by means of a 'sign'. This approach has obviously not been successful.

Today I will have to do without smoking. This time it is for a far more prosaic reason; I'm flat broke. That is to say, I have the huge amount of 2 euro's on my account and a further 2,56 euro's in my wallet. Fortunately I get paid every week, so I expect that I'll have some money by wednesday.

If you're still reading this and you're feeling slightly depressed by all this, let me add that there have also been some positive developments over the last month.
As part of a serial spring cleaning thingy, I thoroughly cleansed my bedroom yesterday. Actually removing most of the obstacles (furniture), so I could reach every nook and cranny where dust had been gathering for quite some time.
Also, I been going through some old paperwork, selecting that which I wish to keep and discarding all superfluous material.
The mount of unwashed dishes that used to clutter my kitchen work area has decreased dramatically, and I have been able to keep it that way for several weeks now.
And lastly, the pile of laundry that was beginning to funk up the atmosphere in my home has diminished to the extent that I can now visually verify that there is indeed a chair underneath it all.

I'm hoping to continue along these lines; the smoking thing will have to wait a bit, though having to keep up with these chores does decrease my need for it.
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by rivka:
I would seriously consider trying one of the various quit-smoking aids out there -- either one I suggested or something else. Quitting smoking is REALLY HARD for most people. A little bit of help can make a big difference.

In any case, good for you for continuing the effort, and GOOD LUCK!

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quote:

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Originally posted by rivka:

quote:

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Originally posted by rivka:
I would seriously consider trying one of the various quit-smoking aids out there -- either one I suggested or something else. Quitting smoking is REALLY HARD for most people. A little bit of help can make a big difference.

In any case, good for you for continuing the effort, and GOOD LUCK!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Eduardo St. Elmo:
I try and find the words to express the shame that fills me. It took a long time to work up the courage to even own up to my failure. I hope you won't think of me as a hopeless basketcase, even though I do think that myself sometimes.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Eduardo St. Elmo:
The feeling of shame I mentioned doesn't solely stem from not being to able to quit smoking. It's just that these things feed into a sense of shame that has been with me since my suicide attempt. It is only recently that I've become able to define this as part of the tangle of emotions that I couldn't deal with at the time and therefore repressed.

The reason why I referred to myself as a basketcase, is partly because I do sometimes think of myself as a seriously disturbed person, and partly because of the Green Day song, with which I can easily identify. Because in a sense I'm a melodramatic fool.

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Eduardo, have you tried counselling? Whether you have or haven't done it before, would you consider doing it now?

You current strategies don't seem to be working for you long term, and a good counselor can be a real asset in trying to figure out new strategies. It isn't turning your life over to someone else, and it doesn't mean you are a failure (or a fruitcake). I think of getting professional therapeutic counselling like I do of having a financial consultant: a smart move by a savvy person who takes himself and his own life seriously.

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You seem to be dancing around and hinting at a past trauma. You have made reference to it several times, but always in the context of telling us you are not going to discuss it (even though you are the one that keeps bringing it up).

Frankly, I don't think flirting with pain publically like that is healthy. I also don't think it is a good idea to work through a major catharsis and trauma only with the support of online friends here -- not good for you, and not good for us. But mostly, you deserve better than a half-witted attempt by non-professionals.

I know your friends here support you and want to be here for you. We make a great cheerleading squad, 'cause we like you so much. And I think the best way to cheer you on right now is to encourage you to take care of yourself, which means seeing a professional if you are dealing with (or are going to be dealing with) some sort of major trauma.
 

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Posted by Luet13 (Member # 9274) on :
 
You can do it! And take it from someone who knows, there is NEVER going to be a sign. There is never a good time to quit smoking. Something always comes up, there's always some stress where you think: the only way I can handle this is to smoke.

I have been cigarette free since January 17th after smoking for nearly ten years. This has been at least my 6th or 7th attempt to quit. It helps that I'm broke. It helps that I decided I really need to save what money I have for a much healthier goal. (Moving to Seattle in August.) I think it also helped that I hibernated for a week. I literally didn't leave the house for seven days.

I work with teenagers doing musical theater and I can honestly say it is one of the most stressful jobs on earth. But I am coping with stress in other ways. I walk almost 2 miles every day and listen to music. I vent vocally to anyone who will listen (mainly my wonderful mother.) I breathe deeply and remember that just two short months ago my breath would have come up short. I revel in smells that I forgot existed. I love to cook and smell everything, not just garlic and onions. (Though garlic and onions smell even better now.) Oh, and taste it too.

So my advice is pick a date. It doesn't have to be real soon, but it shouldn't be next year either. Prepare yourself mentally for the weeks or months until the date. Then STICK WITH IT. If you fail and have a cigarette, don't be too hard on yourself. Just chalk it up to weakness, then don't have another. YOU CAN DO IT! It's hard, but believe me the benefits are so rewarding.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
1.
Not yet a big achievement, but then again I did walk past two hash-bars last night without going in, even though I had money on me and I felt that familiar urge to vanish in a puff of smoke.
On to the next day...
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
2.
So far so good. Quitting smoking is only part of breaking a routine that has been building for years. So yesterday I listened to some new music to take my mind of things: a merry tune called "La Damnation de Faust" by Berlioz. This is somewhat outside of my normal musical preference, but then again that was the whole point of the exercise.
By now the pile of laundry has diminished to the point that I can once more sit on the chair that held it.
Tonight I'll be spending in some company, so this should make it somewhat easier to refrain from smoking.
I'll report back tomorrow.
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
Okay, so I caved. But in the last week I only smoked 4 days out of seven, which is a significant improvement form smoking every day. I don't think it'll be possible for me to quit cold turkey. It will probably have to be done by slowly decreasing the amounts ingested.
 

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Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
Have you tried a quit-smoking aid? I know there are lots of programs to help you get them if you can't afford them.
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
Le Damnation de Faust is one of my favorite works ever.

Good luck!
 

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Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
It's not so much just about quitting smoking. I really have to rearrange my way of thinking to succeed. The problem is that when I arrive home from work I can't seem to think of anything else to do besides watching TV, listening to music, reading and smoking. And to be honest I haven't done that much reading lately, partly because I've been smoking more than usual.
Watching TV, listening to music and reading books are all things you can do without actually doing anything. I'm just consuming someone else's products. Any other tasks that require me to actually produce something, even something as simple as doing the dishes, become huge undertakings in my head, because I fully expect the outcome of my actions to be bad. It is this stupid crinkle in the fabric of my thought that has to be ironed out.
Smoking pot is something I can use to substantiate this claim that I'm an useless person. In fact, it is one of the few things that actually corroborate such a statements, since most of the people that I know cannot grasp why I would think so badly about myself.
They say: "How can you be so down on yourself? You're a fairly intelligent person, who's concerned with the plight of others (though not so much with your own), willing to help others (though this negative stance severely limits the extent to which you're able to) and sometimes you're even able to be funny." Or something along those lines, depending on how well they know me.
My instinctual response to such utterings is denial. I will actually try and convince that I'm not that smart (and worse). So either I accept this way of life, which has so far limited my personal development, or I do something about it.

It has been mentioned above that I appear to be hinting at some kind of past trauma, and that this might not be to best manner of dealing with such things. I think I actually mentioned what happened, but a full explanation would take up to much space.

But I will use this thread only as it pertains to the smoking ordeal, iffen y'all don't mind that is.
 

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