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Konnichiwa!
This is a note from Cooking Girl, the long lost Sister Annie. How the heck is everyone? More importantly, I WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF BABIES.

Thank you for the Christmas present-it was so nice to get my very own thread by mail. What a lovely mixing of mediums - how postmodern!

So, yes, this is my reply to your letter dated December. And the reason you're receiving it in May is because I'm on the other side of the International Date Line- there's a time difference, you see? It's one of those Orient things.

I have many exciting tales of wonder and awe, but first I have to share my thrilling stories of grammar because none of my other correspondants care! 'Tis a sad world. Anyway, I entitle this chapter: "I'm learning Japanese- I think I'm learning Japanese - I really think so."

Japanese is a crazy language. I am only recently grasping the fact that translation is a fallacy. You really cannot translate Japanese into English, or vice-versa. The only way we will ever save the world from this existential catastophe of mass misunderstanding is if we all just buckle down and start learning french. Ii n janai?

First weird Japanese grammar Phenomenon: Inflecting verbs for formality
I'm not just talking and extra pronoun or a royal we - there are 800,000 ways to confer superiority or inferiority in the way you end your verb.

First of all, there's a formal verb conjugation system that makes all of your speech polite. You have to use this all the time, in every single sentecne you speak, to anyone who is your superior. If you're a missionary or a waitress, this means everyone you meet.

Secondly, there's a whole separate conjugation pattern (and in the case of some irregulars, totally new verbs) to convey the idea that the subject of the sentence is doing the verb in a humble manner, and a separate system to convey that the subject is deigning to do the verb. And then there's the passive, which, when used, conveys even [u]more[/u] politeness. So it's kind of a game to see who can use the most indirect way to convey a thought. "I was humbly and unimportantly thinking that just maybe the image of the honorific direction towards Mr. Nakamura may show signs of wanting to choose this direction here." or - in a more accurate translation: "You want fries with that?"

Second weird Japanese Grammar Phenomenon: Psychological Ellipses
In a language where you don't say anything unless it's worth taking a very long time to say (e.g. Japanese, Entish), there are ways to make daily conversation more efficient. The most common is not, as in English, pronouns (the Japanese are as fond of their few meager pronouns as they are of whole wheat bread). It is, instead, omitting words all of the time. You really only need to use one subject every 10 minutes or so. There are all sorts of confusing particle words marking parts of speech, but very few people (except waitresses and people who wear a uniform to work) actually ever say them. Most of the time, you just talk with verbs. Some adjectives are verbs, just to make this easier.
"Went to the bank?"
"Went."
"At the store...?"
"Bought. Was expensive (verb)."
"Rain. Shoes Were getting wet (verb)."

The best, though, is psychological ellipses. You can leave out entire sentences because they are too rude, because you feel uncomfortable saying them, or you don't know how to say them.
"Would you like to try some"
"Um...a little..."
(A little what? You're a little shy? The meat's a little green? You're a little carsick? It's not so very Kosher after all?) It doesn't matter! You don't have to explain yourself! The other person just finishes the sentence for you and you move on! Brilliant!

Third Weird Japanese Grammar Phenomenon: Psychomimes
What are psychomimes? Onomatopoeia for your brain! In English, people who use onomatopoeia are pre-pubescent, trying to be postmodern, or employed at a day care. In Japan, grown adults use very emotive onomatopoeia at least once every seven minutes. And they're not just boring words like "pop" or "whiz". They're cool-sounding like kachi kachi, giri giri, poka poka, don don, pika pika, zaku zaku. And to emphasize it, you say the already doubled word twice - thus, a very shiny thing is pika pika pika pika, and when you're cutting a really thick slice of bread, you have to zaku zaku zaku zaku. The combined effect of this makes spoken Japanese sound a lot like Ewok.

But it doesn't stop with actual sounds! There are psychological phenomena or states of being that require their own sound. Thus, quiet emotions like sadness, silence, and depression are "kanashii," "Shizuka," and "shanbori" because, you know, dental fricatives are sad! Whereas, people who are Oro Oro, Ota Ota, or Odo Odo are in some sort of a dither and express it with a back vowel.

CRAZY CRAZY STUFF!

But I love it. I love every minute of it. If you're tracking my motion by satellite, you'll notice I've moved from Fujisan's front lawn to the Japanese melting pot that is Yokohama. I love it. Our chapel (Yamate Ward) is built on the spot where Heber J. Grant dedicated Japan for missionary work in 1901. All of our investigators are Chinese, and 1/3 of the ward speaks English.

Since I've been a missionary, I've seen 4 baptisms: a Colombian, a Filipino, a Hawaiian, and a Chinese. Some might not believe I'm in Japan, but I've got this weird funky candy to prove it.

You know what the missionary secret is? Elder Ballard knows. So does Elder Eyring - check out his April 2003 conference talk. It's true- and the Preach My Gospel program is highlighting that. In 2004, Yamate ward had 18 baptisms, 3 of whom were active for more than a month. IN 2005, there were 6 - all of whom are the most active members of the ward now.

It's a good time to be a missionary! Banzai for Israel!

Sister Annie

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I thought it was rather hilarious.

[ May 12, 2006, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 

quote:

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Most of the time, you just talk with verbs. Some adjectives are verbs, just to make this easier.

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I miss Annie.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Me too.
 

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Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
Me three!
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
What a wonderful letter!
 

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Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
My words exactly, katharina. She has a brilliant mind and such a sharp wit.

Me four. /
 

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Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
 
Just so you all know: I have dibs on her brilliant mind once her service is completed.

After I've wrung a few pieces for the world of Mormon letters out of her, she is free to return to applying her wit to Hatrack and related forums.
 

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Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
Could you crosspost the contents? For some reason I can't see the GalacticCactus forum. It's weird too, because I can see the main page. Just not the forum.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Done!
 

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Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
Thanks, Narnia, that was a gem of a letter. Well worth the wait!
 

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Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
"You know what the missionary secret is? Elder Ballard knows. So does Elder Eyring - check out his April 2003 conference talk. It's true- and the Preach My Gospel program is highlighting that. In 2004, Yamate ward had 18 baptisms, 3 of whom were active for more than a month. IN 2005, there were 6 - all of whom are the most active members of the ward now."

What is the secret she means? I <3 PMG! I urge all members to get the book and read it! It's awesome! <goes off to find Elder Eyring's April 2003 conference talk> Here it is.
 

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Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
And yes! It's great to hear from Annie again. So much sparkle. I miss her too.
 

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Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
It will be so awesome when all of our missionaries come back to us! I wonder if we will notice the change, their maturity and confidence and goodness? I bet that we will.
 

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Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
 

 

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Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
 
Great letter. I totally miss Annie and Hobbes and Zevlag.
 

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