I was trained at John Hopeless Medical Academie in Clueless Intervention of the Masses. I hold a degree in advanced psychiatry. I can tell you're schizophrenic from sixty paces. Of course, you might not be able to hear me.
I can cure hangnails in a single bound.
I am INVINCIBLE!!!!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Dear Dr. von Poopenhoffen, I believe I may have a Hatrack addiction; do you have any medically unsound advice for me?
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote:I am INVINCIBLE!!!!
You're a loony.
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Yes, Downrooted. Double your Hatrack posting time. That'll break your addiction in no time. And make sure you keep up with Tante Shvester's post count.
Starting.... now!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Doctor, I seem to have accidentally severed several limbs while riding my exercise bike. Any opinion as to what I should do?
I've heard putting ketchup and a band-aid on can help. Is that true?
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Catsupqueen, I feel your pain. No, not really. I have really really good drugs. I would not put ketchup and a bandaid on a wound of that nature. No, no. Sprinkle with vinegar until you pass out from the pain, top it with mayonnaise, and bind with duct tape, making sure to attach the duct tape on the hairiest parts of your limbs. That's remaining, that is.
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
quote:Originally posted by Goody Scrivener:
quote:I am INVINCIBLE!!!!
You're a loony.
And your point is... what, exactly?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen: And make sure you keep up with Tante Shvester's post count.
I have no trouble keeping up with Tante Shvester's post count. It's easy! Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Tante, you, on the other hand, should try to beat TomDavidson's post count.
By the end of this month.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Dr. Von Poopenhoffen - I have a persistent hacking cough. Is it true the best way to treat it is to get smashed on a mixture of bourbon and honey?
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Yes, Belle, that is absolutely true.
If you like, you can also inhale deeply black pepper and cayenne pepper.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Belle: I have a persistent hacking cough.
And I have a persistent coughing hacker.
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Break his fingers and toes, Tante. That'll solve the problem.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Doctor, doctor!
It hurts when I raise my arm like this!
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Then don't raise your arm like that!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*disappointed*
Is that all the advice you have for me?
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
I have one more possible cure for you.
I could amputate that arm. Then it wouldn't hurt any more.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Hmm.
What method do you use?
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
Two possibles.
Either a sabre tooth tiger tooth.
Or a hacksaw.
Take your pick.
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Doctor, I think I have a memory loss problem, but I can't remember if that's true...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ooooh! Definitely sabre-tooth tooth!
Do I get a local anesthetic, or are you going to knock me out?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Anesthetic? I thought he'd just get you to drink some bootleg whiskey.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Bootleg whiskey? I thought he'd just tap you on the head with a hammer.
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
Now if you'd selected the name "High Warlord van Krakken", it would have been funny. Hooray for obscure WoW references.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Who?
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
Exactly. It's a character in a movie made by people with far far too much time on their hands. Funny though.
Posted by SenojRetep (Member # 8614) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen: Two possibles.
Either a sabre tooth tiger tooth.
Or a hacksaw.
Take your pick.
Where should she take it? and how can she heft her pick once you amputate her arm? One-armed pick hefting is tricky.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen: Two possibles.
Either a sabre tooth tiger tooth.
Or a hacksaw.
Take your pick.
This sounds like three possibilities.
Posted by aretee (Member # 1743) on :
quote:Originally posted by Goody Scrivener:
quote:I am INVINCIBLE!!!!
You're a loony.
I get that reference. My whole family and most of my students would too.
Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :
I'm sorry, but I can't get past Dr. Von Poop without bursting into laughs.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
Anti-Chris, You may have a Von Poop based allergy. Some allergies get worse with increased exposure. The next stage is bursting into flames. In the future, you may want to carry a fire extinguisher.
Posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen (Member # 9170) on :
suminonA, you owe me $5000 for your consultation, payable immediately.
quote:
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Cracken Von Poopenhoffen: Two possibles.
Either a sabre tooth tiger tooth.
Or a hacksaw.
Take your pick.
Where should she take it? and how can she heft her pick once you amputate her arm? One-armed pick hefting is tricky.
Simple. With her teeth.
quote:I'm sorry, but I can't get past Dr. Von Poop without bursting into laughs.
LadyDove has presented one possible solution.
Another is to completely immerse yourself in Poop.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I'm a bit confused. I'm going to be picking my teeth one-handed?
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
Doctor, I was just writing you a $5000 check (whatever for? ) but then I stopped suddenly… I’m positive that I have a serious indecision/ambiguity problem. Or ... am I?
Posted by SenojRetep (Member # 8614) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka: I'm a bit confused. I'm going to be picking my teeth one-handed?
No, I believe you'll be picking a saber-tooth tiger's teeth one-handed. Be careful.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I would not put ketchup and a bandaid on a wound of that nature. No, no. Sprinkle with vinegar until you pass out from the pain, top it with mayonnaise, and bind with duct tape, making sure to attach the duct tape on the hairiest parts of your limbs. That's remaining, that is.
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)