1. If you develop pinkeye in one eye, immediately disinfect all your worldly possessions, or you will surely develop it in the other eye, as well.
2. Don't buy a Dashboard Confessional CD while your boyfriend is out of town.
3. Benson and Stabler will not make out in Season Five no matter how much you put your immense powers of psychic persuasion to use.
What valuable life lessons have you learned today?
-pH
Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :
Courtesy of class today (The Way of the Shaman):
Never perform a briss in a moving van.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
*wince*
Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
gasoline + fire = explosion?
Posted by Traveler (Member # 3615) on :
The day you don't perform a backup is the day you will need it.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
1) Always go inside. Whether it be the drugstore, the bank, McDonalds, or the utility company, inside is always faster. And the exercise is good for you.
2) Be decisive. Mexican or Chinese? Liberal Arts or Theoretical Physics? Get married or break up? Here's the secret: it doesn't matter. Just pick one and you'll be fine. The real danger is indecising yourself into permanent stasis. Life will pass you by while you are deciding, and no matter what the result of a big decision is, you never regret it because the journey is so much a part of who you are.
3) You don't need the supersize. Just because someone produces something of a certain size doesn't mean you must consume it. No one needs a liter of Mountain Dew in a single sitting. No one needs 600 calories of cheesy fries as an appetizer. You'll be much healthier once you realize that it's not necessary to eat everything put in front of you. Make it a habit to always leave food on your plate. It takes twenty minutes for your stomach to signal your brain that you're full. So if you finish eating and you're stuffed, you ate for twenty minutes too long.
4) Learn to say the 3 most important words in the English language. No, not those. "I don't know". Those, not "I love you", are the three most important words you can say. This is especially true for guys, many of whom seem to think admitting they don't know something is the first step down that steep slope to womanhood. Not knowing is perfectly normal, and people will respect and trust you if you're confident enough to ask when you don't know something.
------
This is an excerpt from some guidelines I've been assembling for myself. But they're life lessons all the same, and maybe someone else can use them. Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: 2) Be decisive. Mexican or Chinese? Liberal Arts or Theoretical Physics? Get married or break up? Here's the secret: it doesn't matter. Just pick one and you'll be fine. The real danger is indecising yourself into permanent stasis. Life will pass you by while you are deciding, and no matter what the result of a big decision is, you never regret it because the journey is so much a part of who you are.
I have to heartily agree with this one.
Also, don't rub you're eyes or nose after inserting hot peppers into chili by hand (courtesy of my dad). And when attempting to light a gasoline soaked pillow on fire, BAD IDEA to stick hand inside of pillow while lighting.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When you KNOW that someone is a habitual and chronic complainer, don't greet them by asking "How are you?"
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Flush.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
quote: Also, don't rub you're eyes or nose after inserting hot peppers into chili by hand (courtesy of my dad).
It's worse to wipe after doing so.
***Child development classes have little bearing on child raising. They may help you get a job, but won't help you when you're in the trenches.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
If there is a possibility you won't have time to get home before your statistics test to eat dinner, pack something to eat so you won't find yourself wondering around campus looking for food when NOTHING is open and being forced to end up eating Doritos for dinner because they were the healthiest thing in the vending machine.
<---hungry
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Do not play with candles.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
If you don't turn on your computer in the morning, you won't be late to class.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
See, I don't turn my computer off at night so that wouldn't make a difference. I have to catch the bus to be on time, and I haven't been more than ten minutes late so far. That was when I biked, after leaving late.
Along the same lines (school), go to office hours and the material will be very much closer to understandable.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
People don't know anything about rabbits and that is sad. Especially when they are vets.
It is near impossible to unfall in love with someone. I don't know what it is about it, but it just seems impossible. You'll end up thinking about this ruddy person while working, at home, while trying to sleep, pretty much every second. It's been going on since July. Enough.
Dir en grey is the best band ever.
Practice the damn guitar already!
You cannot have honey without stings! But I still want more honey and less freaking BEES!
Don't give up, as life is a wonderful thing even as it sucks and drives me insane.
Posted by Chreese Sroup (Member # 8248) on :
Annoy people who like to blather on and on about their boyfriend, and/or whine.
Posted by Raventhief (Member # 9002) on :
Always be prepared for 50% more kids than you were expecting.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chreese Sroup: Annoy people who like to blather on and on about their boyfriend, and/or whine.
You know, seriously, I'm getting sick of your bullshit. If you have a problem with me, take it up with me on IM or keep your damn mouth shut.
-pH
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
quote:Originally posted by Celaeno: If you don't turn on your computer in the morning, you won't be late to class.
Heh... amen to this one.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
quote:Originally posted by Raventhief: Always be prepared for 50% more kids than you were expecting.
Is this something that belongs in the pregnancy thread? Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
or a halloween thread?
Posted by HollowEarth (Member # 2586) on :
1.) Don't pick up vegatable alphabet soup when you wanted vegatable beef. Its horrible.
2.) Don't leave an orange in your backpack for a week.
Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr Strangelove: Also, don't rub you're eyes or nose after inserting hot peppers into chili by hand (courtesy of my dad).
Sadly, I've done that. Life lesson learned.
quote:Originally posted by Joldo: Do not play with candles.
I like playing with candles!
I can't think of any major life lessons, but I'll try to think of something soon.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I like playing with candles too. Just as long as they don't topple over.
Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :
Or burn down too far. We had a slight mishap during our Christmas party one year. That was interesting.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
ou ou ou! One time I set a candle in this trophy cup I have ... and left it in my room, unattended. Turns out, the trophy cup was plastic. And plastic burns. My parents were like "What's that smell? And all that smoke?". I smoothly run get a cup of water and slliiddeee back into my room with a shout of 'nothing!' only to see a three foot high flame. Yeah. Oops. Luckily, it only burned a hole in the wall, not the whole house down.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: 1) Always go inside. Whether it be the drugstore, the bank, McDonalds, or the utility company, inside is always faster. And the exercise is good for you.
Nuh-uh! How many times have I stood at the counter inside Wendy's and watched everyone rush to get the orders out to the drive-through window while I waited and waited? (Although I can't argue about the exercise!)
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
1) If someone looks like they need to vent, don't give them an outlet if there’s no chance of you becoming the target later.
2) Doctors don't always have your best interests in mind.
3) Cheap pens are useless. They're just going to end up exploding and ruining your day.
4) Inflammable means flammable.
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
Kraft macaroni and cheese is worth the twenty or so extra cents. Nothing beats the neon orange cheese powder. Don't cheap out and buy the store brand. Seriously.
Take your kid roller skating (or to karate class, or to the park, or to the library, etc) even if you are tired or grumpy, even if he has been a little brat all day. Spend a couple of hours doing things you would rather not do, in order to make a memory with your kid. It matters.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
If you want a virtue you don't actually have, pretend you do. After awhile, you'll forget that you are pretending.
Give your spare change away. You'll never really miss it and you might feel good all day long for helping someone out.
Make up a kit to go into the trunk of your car with the following things; oil, transmission fluid, washer fluid, break fluid, coolant, some paper towels, jumper cables, some basic tools, a flash light, a blanket, some drinking water and a fire extinguisher.
Put up a key hook by your door and always put your keys there when you get home and you will never lose them again.
Posted by Mirrored Shades (Member # 8957) on :
Keep the wasabi out of arm's reach from the baby. No, seriously.
Posted by Princess Leah (Member # 6026) on :
Many people are very stupid (in one way or another), and just as many are assholes. Assuming that the people you interact with are both will save you a lot of pain and suffering; however, it will also leave you friendless.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
If you expect a B on a paper, don't be angry when you get that B.
Disinfect.
Converse in parentheticals.
Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
quote:Originally posted by jexx: Take your kid roller skating (or to karate class, or to the park, or to the library, etc) even if you are tired or grumpy, even if he has been a little brat all day. Spend a couple of hours doing things you would rather not do, in order to make a memory with your kid. It matters.
I needed to hear this. My 2 year old has been misbehaving very much lately. I just need to go out and spend time with him.
pH, there's no need to swear. Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :
1) When someone asks if you are a god, you say yes.
2) Shoot zombies in the head.
3) Don't play God.
4)T-Rex's have poor eyesight and run at 30 miles an hour. If you don't have a car, or the terrain sucks, try standing still. You'll probably only live for 10 minutes, either way.
5) Artificial Intelligence will only turn evil if there is a red light that lights up.
6) Never steal a sports almanac from the future.
7) If there is no spoon, how can I eat my soup? No matter what anyone says, there is a spoon.
8) The penanant man kneels before God.
9) If you find yourself living the same day over and over and over, you will live that day over and over and over until you become a good guy. Which means, if you find a way to score on that day, don't be good.
10) Do, or do not, there is no try.
11) Never go to the bathroom without looking for a bomb first.
Posted by Boothby171 (Member # 807) on :
quote:And when attempting to light a gasoline soaked pillow on fire, BAD IDEA to stick hand inside of pillow while lighting.
Now I'm going to spend a lot of time wondering just how a person goes about learning that particular lesson...
Or, more importantly, why. Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
quote:Take your kid roller skating (or to karate class, or to the park, or to the library, etc) even if you are tired or grumpy, even if he has been a little brat all day. Spend a couple of hours doing things you would rather not do, in order to make a memory with your kid. It matters.
I needed this today too. My three year old deserves something fun today, even if I find out she has had an accident today when I pick her up from day care.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
9 of these I got immediately. I'm a showoff, so I thought I'd share.
1) When someone asks if you are a god, you say yes.
Ghostbusters
2) Shoot zombies in the head.
Don't know. Not a horror fan.
3) Don't play God.
This one's a little nebulous, but just for fun I'll say Bruce Almighty
4)T-Rex's have poor eyesight and run at 30 miles an hour. If you don't have a car, or the terrain sucks, try standing still. You'll probably only live for 10 minutes, either way.
Jurassic Park
5) Artificial Intelligence will only turn evil if there is a red light that lights up.
I, Robot
6) Never steal a sports almanac from the future.
Back to the Future, Part II
7) If there is no spoon, how can I eat my soup? No matter what anyone says, there is a spoon.
The Matrix
8) The penanant man kneels before God.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
9) If you find yourself living the same day over and over and over, you will live that day over and over and over until you become a good guy. Which means, if you find a way to score on that day, don't be good.
Groundhog Day
10) Do, or do not, there is no try.
Return Of the Jedi
11) Never go to the bathroom without looking for a bomb first.
Lethal Weapon 2 Posted by JemmyGrove (Member # 6707) on :
quote: 5) Artificial Intelligence will only turn evil if there is a red light that lights up.
I, Robot
I think this refers to more than just that particular movie -- it seems to be a Sci-fi cliché (though I can't come up with another example off the top of my head). Don't the evil robots always have some red light somewhere? Often it's the eyes. (I know 'robot' is not necessarily synonymous with 'artificial intelligence,' but it fits so well I couldn't pass it up.)
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
The terminators have red eyes, but in I, robot the robots turn from blue to red when they're ordered against the humans.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
I thought it was 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Posted by JemmyGrove (Member # 6707) on :
I rest my case. Posted by Artemisia Tridentata (Member # 8746) on :
Jumanji! No, No, the other one. Zathura.
Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :
It is a cliche, not just one movie, but it was during I, Robot where it hit me- when robots turn evil, they light up red. Solution: no red lights, no evil robots.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
1) Never pass up free chocolate.
2) Whenever forced to choose between A or B, always, always, always choose C.
3) "If you called a tail a leg, how many legs would a horse have? Four. You may call it a leg, but its not." Abraham Lincoln
4) Whenever a politician or used car salesman says "Trust me.", dont.
5) Whenever someone says you must make a financial decision now, dont.
6)It is easier to ask forgiveness than get permission, but both will get you slapped severely upside the head.
Posted by Sm34rZ (Member # 8609) on :
The "Do or do not" qoute is actually from the Emprie Strikes Back, not Return of the Jedi.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
A plain white button-down is a rare item at retail stores.
-pH
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Never make big life decisions when you are sick or sleep-deprived. For some reason, during these slightly altered states of consciousness, it seems really important to to just that, but it's beacuse your brain is shorting out. Don't believe me? Write it down and read it again ONLY when you are healthy, well-rested or no longer drunk. THEN you'll understand.
*nods sagely*
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
Always return your library books on time, because the business office has no mercy, and though they do have a sense of humor it is not frequently a good thing for grad students.
Don't recall books that you can get off of ohiolink--it is extremely bad karma. (It may also get you cursed or poisioned--I'm trying to decide which is better)
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
quote:2) Shoot zombies in the head.
Don't know. Not a horror fan.
Every. zombie. movie. ever.
Lesson. An 8 year old boy with an avacodo pit and a resistance band is up to no good.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Always get the first post on a new page.
Posted by Dick Button (Member # 9197) on :
You don't want to come on after a dummy has given a mediocre performance.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Never drink on a an empty stomach.
Posted by EarlNMeyer-Flask (Member # 1546) on :
Invest and save more money. Enjoy youth while you have it. Use Python instead of Perl.
Posted by Dick Button (Member # 9197) on :
The throw jump is the wild card of pair skating.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
If the brand of liquor is "Military Special," it is bad, bad news.
-pH
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Ask old people questions, they know a lot.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Don't watch too much Olympics coverage.
Posted by Dick Button (Member # 9197) on :
Potential is potential is potential.
Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
A penny saved is not a penny earned. I have tons of change on my desk and I don't see the pennies increasing in number yet. A pack of lies I tell you, a pack of lies!
Posted by Dick Button (Member # 9197) on :
It only counts when it counts.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I miss Dick Button. Just sayin'.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
Be nice to people serving you. They've probably been treated badly by most of the people they've served today. Not only will you make their day, but they;ll probably give you better service.
Don't drive like a jerk. You won't make up significant time, and you're much more likely to get a ticket or have an accident.
Posted by Sean Monahan (Member # 9334) on :
Never go back to get your purse.
Or is that always go back to get your purse?
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
It probably won't be worth it.
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
Fear of being fined is not the only reason to not jump a police barricade.
And sprained ankles are no fun.
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
quote:Originally posted by Traveler: The day you don't perform a backup is the day you will need it.
Turn off the ringer on your phone, and you'll misplace it.
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
Cut the red wire.
No, wait... I mean the blue wire.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
NOT THAT BUTTON!
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
I think somebody hit "that button" - but it looks like we're back.
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Is this something that belongs in the pregnancy thread? ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Monkeys]](graemlins/monkeys.gif)
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