Hatrack River Forum: I have invented the ultimate razor

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

The modern trend in razors is to make them with ever more blades spaced closer together.

I have 1 bajillion blades stuck so close together they form a solid cube.

I call it the "Block of Scrap" razor. Its a 2" cube block of alluminum you rub around your face for a smooth, agony free shave.

Ok, marketing may need some help, but otherwise...

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

[Smile]

Call it "The Emperor's New Razor."

Posted by Artemisia Tridentata (Member # 8746) on :

Aluminum blades won't hold an edge! Check your stainless steel scrap bin.

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :

It's OK if it's aluminum, as long as you call it the "Titanium Razor".

Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :

The first blade comes along and shaves the top nanometer off the hair. Then, the second blade comes swooping down, takes of another nanometer, and quite possibly severs your jugular...Finally the bajilioth blade cuts the quark in half and releases the secrets of the universe.

Seriously though I saw the Super Bowl commercial where they introduced the five bladed razor. Where does it end?

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :

quote:
Where does it end?

Light sabers.

Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :

nah. because then there are dual, triple, quadruple, and quintuple-bladed lightsabers for a smoother, closer shave. Specially callibrated lightsabers are for sensitive areas, whilst women will need the Venussaber for legs and pits.

And let's not forget lightsabers that squirt soothing aloe and/or aftershave to releave that slight singing.

EDIT:

Dan, forgot to respond to your orinigal post.
Mad TV did a similar sketch a while back when the Schick Quatro (or whatever) came out. Their thing was about 10"x10". Someone shaved off their own ear by accident, as I recall.

Yours is better though, and any name will work, so long as you put "Pro" at the end of it.

"The Smooth Cube Pro! Now with micro pores to catch annoying stubble!

Only $89.95!"

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

What's nice about shaving with a light saber is that if you nick yourself, instant cauterization.

Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :

You guys don't know that the perfect razor is already out there. The Schick Intuition Razor does a marvelous job of keeping my legs and armpits all dainty.

Posted by Artemisia Tridentata (Member # 8746) on :

But!!! If you ignite those pesky nose hairs? That should make anyone sneeze.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Another nice thing about shaving with a light saber is that I don't have to make light saber noises anymore while I shave.

Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :

AfR, [Big Grin]

quote:
And let's not forget lightsabers that squirt soothing aloe and/or aftershave to releave that slight singing.

Man, they're putting MP3 players in everything these days!

Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :

Be a real man, go against the grain.

Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :

Normal people couldnt stick lightsabers up their noses. You would have to have the force to successfully complete such a delicate operation. Or be a brain surgeon.

--ApostleRadio

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tante Shvester:
You guys don't know that the perfect razor is already out there. The Schick Intuition Razor does a marvelous job of keeping my legs and armpits all dainty.

That thing makes my skin break out something fierce.

Schick Xtreme3 all the way.

Because I shave to the XTREME!!!1!1!11!

-pH

Posted by IanO (Member # 186) on :

X-Treme.

Just reminded me of
Maddox (warning: language)

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Noemon, I was going to post in response to the "slight singing," but I can't even be mad. I'm too busy [ROFL]

ing.

Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :

I'll bet it is, like, 2/5 better.

And Adam, when are you going to tell us the snake story?

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Dan_raven:
The modern trend in razors is to make them with ever more blades spaced closer together.

I have 1 bajillion blades stuck so close together they form a solid cube.

I call it the "Block of Scrap" razor. Its a 2" cube block of alluminum you rub around your face for a smooth, agony free shave.

Ok, marketing may need some help, but otherwise...

Too late. They already came out with a 2 bajillion one. You have to move faster.