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Anyone have a suggestion for how to deal with a backseat driver?

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Patience and understanding help. If these alone don't solve the problem, you can say something like "When I drive, I drive the way I believe is best. If this is a real problem for you, you're welcome to drive."
 

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Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
How fast were you going? If they were in the merging lane, they should have been expecting someone to actually be merging. They always have the option of moving into the next lane over.

So, I'd have to say the way to deal with a back seat driver is to listen to what they say and apply it in the future. Sooner or later, you'll be driving the way she wants you to, meaning the right way.
 

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Posted by luthe (Member # 1601) on :
 
tell them to piss off.
 

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Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
 
Let her walk....no maybe not. It was funny to think about though.
 

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Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
 

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Originally posted by Kayla:
How fast were you going? If they were in the merging lane, they should have been expecting someone to actually be merging. They always have the option of moving into the next lane over.

So, I'd have to say the way to deal with a back seat driver is to listen to what they say and apply it in the future. Sooner or later, you'll be driving the way she wants you to, meaning the right way.

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Do people _usually_ drive over twenty miles an hour *over* the speed limit in the far *right* lane where you live?

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Depends on the highway. On some, they sure do. On others, no.
 

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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
I suggest a frank discussion of the issue when you are NOT driving. Sit down together and talk about your concerns, how you felt being second-guessed, etc. A hard and fast rule is never going to be something you can both follow.

On the other hand, thinking seriously about someone else's opinion of a driving maneuver is not always a bad idea either. If you felt that the suggestion was unsafe, you should simply say "it was not safe" and leave it at that. But people who can't abide suggestions on their driving are also not to be trusted, so, IMHO, this should not turn into a prohibition against suggestions.

Another tactic could be to simply agree, and continue to do whatever you feel is best anyway.
 

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Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
My husband has mastered that technique.
 

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Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
 
Just say "thanks for sharing" and ignore any follow up.
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
Yeah, don't argue, do what you want, and don't feed the criticism by replying, just do it and say, hey we're still here, its fine.
 

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Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
 
I disagree with those of you saying to utterly disregard any backseat driver advice. Sometimes the backseat driver's observations are better, since that person isn't under the pressure of driving. Just because you're driving doesn't mean you're right.
 

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Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
 
Try to scrape them off on a lamppost.

~Joldo avoiding his landmark
 

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Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
 
For the most part, I only complain about the driving if the person does something particularly dangerous.

For example, after missing the needed exit on the freeway, stopping and backing up to it. It was late at night so traffic was nearly nonexistent, but it still freaked me out.

--Mel
 

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Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
I particularly enjoyed the time I was quietly white-knuckling it and my husband, who always tells me he's not tailgating, had to run off the road to avoid hitting the car in front of us, who'd stopped. There was snow on the ground, but not a lot and he thought he had plenty of room, till the wheels slid. But he doesn't tailgate.

Besides, you'd think after 17 years together, he'd know how nervous I am in a car when the driver isn't a proper distance from the car in front of him. I was almost killed in a car. I'm jumpy as hell in one when he insists on being, what I consider to be, too close to the next car.

And I'm well aware that my depth perception isn't as good as his and he is probably right a majority of the time. But I'm in the car! Would it kill him to stay a bit farther back than he would when driving alone?
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 

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Sometimes the backseat driver's observations are better, since that person isn't under the pressure of driving.

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I particularly enjoyed the time I was quietly white-knuckling it and my husband, who always tells me he's not tailgating, had to run off the road to avoid hitting the car in front of us, who'd stopped.

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I'm pretty sure you aren't allowed to enjoy schadenfreude if you're in the car, too.
 

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Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
Sure, I can. No damage was done, except to his pride.

Though I was being sarcastic and enjoyed neither while it was happening, nor after if was over. I should have enjoyed it after, but I really don't generally like to say "I told you so" to most people. Now, two years after it happened, when he tells me he's not tailgating, I'll say, "Yeah, you're not tailgating. Just like the time we slid off the road to avoid the collision."

Actually, after writing that post last night, I decided this morning to discuss it before we went out. It snowed all day yesterday and last night (supposed to get 6-8", but only ended up with 2" which is not enough to bring the snowplows out.) So, I said to him, "I'm perfectly well aware that you depth perception is better than mine, and that you drive fine even if we have a different opinions about the physics of stopping a car. That said, would you like me to drive today, or will you take into consideration that I'm in the car and am crazy and leave lots of room between you and other cars and slow down much sooner than you normally would at stop signs and stop lights?"

He said he'd drive. He did a pretty good job, too. I only had to remind him about one stop sign that he wasn't planning on stopping for. (There's a road that he's driven for 20 years and a couple of years ago, they stuck a stop sign up. For no particular reason, too. He doesn't drive down that road much anymore and always forgets that it's there.

So, yay, it worked.
 

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Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
 
By the time I was merging, I was going 60, which was the speed limit. The person behind me was at least 200 feet behind me when I did so. Seconds later, he/she was not.

My frustration is that doing what I did, at worst, would have delayed us a couple of minutes because we would have been forced to take an early exit and ended up about fifteen blocks from our intended exit. Doing what I was told to do could have gotten us into an accident. The person behind me started leaving the right lane (going left) as I did; they were only about half-way out of it by the time they got to where I'd been.

I'm not eager to take chances on other people's willingness to brake when my two year old daughter is in the back.

[ December 18, 2005, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: Sterling ]
 

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Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
 
Thank you all for your advice. I do appreciate the feedback.
 

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Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
 

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My good spouse complained to me for a good couple of minutes that if I had kept my turn signal on they would have slowed down.

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