Because why would anyone want to take marriage advice from a man who has been divorced 8 times?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Would you rather take advice from someone who married their high school sweetheart and has never had a problem? Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Actually, yes. They'd at least know what they were talking about. And would not use such stupid similes and childish language.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Posted by Fyfe (Member # 937) on :
Oh. I thought we were talking about John Gray the vague basic model for Dorian Gray, as in Oscar Wilde.
*feels let down*
*leaves thread to go eat cookies*
Jen
Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
And I thought we were talking about the archaeologist.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
I thought we were talking about the musician.
No wait, that's David Gray. I don't like him either though.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
I tgought it might be the protagonist of a novel I read recently. I suppose the thread about Gabaldon made me think of it.
Anyway, people learn the Big Lessons in basically two ways: eff-up and then figure out what they did wrong and try not to repeat it, or pay attention and do it right the first time. Both teach by example -- what to do and what NOT to do.
Both my parents were married more than once and divorced more than once. My mom finally got it right, and impressed upon me to learn from her example (in a 'don't make the mistakes I've made' sort of way). I think I'm doing pretty well, but a sucessfull relationship is an ongoing process. I could still blow it.
I married my college sweetheart, but I think that whole 'never had a problem' thing is a myth. Everyone has problems. You either deal with 'em or ignore 'em until they bite you in the @$$. Or so it seems to me.
Posted by Parsimony (Member # 8140) on :
If your relationship has "never had a problem", then you are not in a healthy relationship. Plain and simple.
--ApostleRadio
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
You have to admit that being divorced 8 times indicates a less than "normal" view of marriage and relationships.
Also, sometimes there is truth in the question, "Did you ever notice that the common denominator of all your failed relationships is you?"
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Exactly, AR. That's what I was getting at, but you said it much more clearly.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Oh, yeah, KarlEd. I didn't feel I should comment on this Gray character, since I have no idea who he is.
But 8 does seem...excessive.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Yeah, Olivet, even if you swallow the huge assumption that they all failed because the other person was just impossible to work with, wouldn't a normal person at least learn that perhaps he was jumping into something so important a bit prematurely?
I think that there comes a time in a bad relationship to assess whether trying to fix it is merely throwing away precious time, and if it is then it is probably time to end it. I also accept that there are people who need certain special qualities in potential marriage partners that are often hard to find and hard to discover without a long getting-to-know period. If you're not one of these people, you shouldn't have to go through 8 different spouses. If you are one of these people, you should learn (early, preferably) that you shouldn't get married until after a lengthy engagement.
At best, 8 marriages would only qualify him to teach a course on what not to do in terms of courtship/marriage.
But this is just rambling about a theoretical 8-time divorcee. I don't have an opinion on Gray, specifically, because I've never heard of him until this thread.
Posted by Crotalus (Member # 7339) on :
Isn't he the 'men are from mars, women are from venus' dude? If so, then I wholehearted agree that he shouldn't be giving anyone relationship advice given this kind of track record.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Somehow I don't think that bit of information is on his dustjacket bio. Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Maybe he's taking the Thomas Edison approach to marriage.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I don't have a problem taking marriage advice from someone who has failed in a marriage before, because maybe they did learn something valuable, but eight times?
My mother for example. She has had failed marriages. One wasn't her fault though, you can't really control being widowed. Anyway, she also has had a marriage that lasted more than 20 years, so she has experience with what works as well as what doesn't.
Eight divorces though - no, I wouldn't take marriage advice from that person.
Posted by Avin (Member # 7751) on :
I had heard something before about how his Ph.D is from a non-accredited university. But I hadn't heard this before. Is there a source any of you have that can back up this claim?
For the record, I hate him too, because I never thought his advice was accurate.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
You know I did some googling, and I can't find confirmation anywhere about the eight divorces. From what I can see, he's only been divorced once.
The PhD from a nonaccredited uni is definitely true. He got his PhD from Columbia Pacific which was ordered to shut down in California because it was considered a diploma mill.
Some findings were that CPU
quote:(a) awarded excessive credit for prior experiential learning to many students; (b) failed to employ duly qualified faculty; and (c) failed to meet various requirements for issuing Ph.D. degrees.
Where did you find the 8 marriage thing? I thought he'd only been married twice. But I also think he's gay.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
His ex-wife is also a "marriage specialist." She also has a "Ph.D." from the same diploma mill . . . and has been divorced more than he has, which seems to be once (maybe twice? he was on wife #2 in 2003).
Babs was his first wife and he lives with his second wife and three kids. Babs had been married once or twice before her marriage to John, once to Doug Hennings.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I still think the Mars/Venus thing is almost too general to be useful. Ron and I listened to the first one on a road trip once, and laughed because I do some of the 'Mars' stuff and he does some of the 'Venus' stuff occassionally, too.
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