A woman requests that you be the guardian of her child if she is unable to care for the child. She wants you to haver custody of the child if she dies, is physically unable to care for the child or is in jail.
The mother is a drug user who supports underage drinking by purchasing alcohol for minors and allows drug use in her house.
Is it unethical to agree to the guardianship arrangement and then call the police the next time the mother is using drugs or supplying children w/alcohol?
To me it would seem dishonest and manipulative, but on the other hand is it good for the little girl to be raised in this environment? By a mother who has said "My children are more my mother than I am their mother" A woman who always has an excuse for why she can't take care of her own children.
Which is worse for her? To live with a mother who she knows puts everything before the child or to have the mother in jail?
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
It's not like those two choices are all the choices that exist.
How about, "I love your daughter. I would be happy to take care of her while you go to rehab."
Just for starters.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I think before you agree to guardianship you should have an honest discussion with her about the way you feel about her current parenting. As Scott said, you could offer to be the guardian while the mother gets her own life in order, gets treatment, etc.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Miriam (Member # 8351) on :
She has gone to rehab several times. She has also attempted to teach her children that illegal drug use is ok and shouldn't be illegal. They have a drill for when cops come to the door!
The mother has had 18 years to get her life together and figure out how to be a mother. (that's how old her oldest is)
Inicidentally, she has children that she has lost legal custody of. That wasn't enough motivation to her to change her life.
Posted by NinjaBirdman (Member # 7114) on :
I'm curious, how old is the child?
Heh, answered as I asked...
Posted by Miriam (Member # 8351) on :
quote:Originally posted by NinjaBirdman: I'm curious, how old is the child?
Preteen
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
wow... ugly... I don;t envy you this call at all... but wish you the best of luck.
I think, if you are inclined to, you might ask to adopt the child from her... because it does seem unethical to turn her in after agreeing to guardianship, but getting the child sent off to a foster home might be no better... while you obviously have some connection with this child or she would not have asked you to be the guardian.
Edited for clarity
[ July 28, 2005, 03:49 PM: Message edited by: Jim-Me ]
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I think you should call the police and/or CPS regardless of whether you agree to be the guardian.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I'd suggest calling your local child protection service and run the situation by them. You can do this anonymously and they should be able to tell you a good course of action.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
:Points to Mrs. M and Mackillian:
Posted by Miriam (Member # 8351) on :
A social worker friend told me that cps could not do anything unless the mother was arrested again.
She started crying because she couldn't do anything for the child.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I still recommend calling CPS and running the situation by them. They might be able to give you a number to call in an emergency if the mother is incapacitated.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
What a situation...this girl is lucky to have her on your side.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
*mutter*
Posted by Cr1spy (Member # 8407) on :
A few thoughts if I may be so bold.
I work at a rehab facility for Homeless men. Recitivism rates are horrendous at all recovery programs. The mother's attempts at recovery may be completely genuine. It is just a hard road. Understand that it is not "JUST" a lack of desire and effort by the parent.
That said, I grew up in a household of addiction and desperately wish I could have gotten out earlier than I did, 14. I am the only child of 4 who is not currently addicted. If you can get the child out of the environment, I strongly recomend it. These behaviors are often passed on to the children.
That said, I really dislike CPS and the fostercare system. I have heard way to many horror stories from my clients about fostercare. I would try to set something up for appropriate care prior to calling. But understand, taking on a child from an addicted family is a monumental task. It is fraught with pain.
I would try direct confrontation first, but would have no qualms acting in the best interest of the child and turning in the mother. But no good deed goes unpunished. Rarely are the really right deciscions in life easy.
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