quote:

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Originally posted by Farmgirl:
Choobak, you are a charming guy. Perhaps you are just revealing your feelings a bit too soon? I think if some guy told me he loved me after just two or three dates, I would be just a little uncomfortable...

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The connotations are different in French.
 

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Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
 
Frankly, I think you are the nicest person I’ve ever met – that is, of course, if you are the same person in real life! You always treat everyone with sensitivity and kindness, and you have a great sense of humor! French women must have a serious problem if they were asked out by you and refused!
 

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Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
 
I, for one, was totally sincere when I mentioned that you're pleasant and charming. You have a lot going for you.

I can't explain girls to you, though. We are weird and inexplicable and have very complex goals and feelings. She might have many reasons for her current decisions, but I promise you that your own charms are not the problem.

There is someone out there somewhere who is suited just for you. Finding her might be tricky, but I promise that when you do, the long search will have been worth it.
 

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Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
 
Choobak, take it from a guy who just went through this, there is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with you. I mean, I'm the coolest, most charming, fun to be around, wonderful guy I know (I also went from having no self-esteem to being completely cocky in no less than one month), but girls still turn me down. The reason isn't because I'm not a good guy, it's because I'm not completely comfortable yet.

Look at it this way, look at how much time you've spent with her. Women don't spend that much time with men they hate, and most of the women I know won't spend more time than they have to with people they don't at least enjoy being around. I know that saying this doesn't fix the pain you feel. But a little bit of time does wonders for a broken heart, and don't get down on yourself. And try to find some American women. They really do go nuts over guys who speak French. At least, that's what my brother tells me

edit: Holy cow. I should be the last person giving relationship advice.
 

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Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
Another possible explanation for why so many people on Hatrack can think you're charming but you still have a tough time on actual dates: You may be more comfortable writing online than you are with a girl in person. Trust me on this one. You can also get into more deep and meaningful discussions here, compared to most dates, which are often filled with small talk and awkward pauses. This is to say nothing of nervousness that can set in when you're standing next to a beautiful woman, making harder for you to be your charming self.

Don't give up or get depressed. Be comfortable with yourself and women will be more comfortable around you. I've been through my share of dating woes, too. You just have to deal with it and keep trying.

--Enigmatic
 

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Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
 
Enigmatic, I think you are right. I am so better writer than speaker (as i think). But i am in changing phase since the begining of this year. I never noticed before, but I think it is a sort of bloom of my personnality. I'm searching my way and what i am. I think it's still a long road.
But all those "failures" don't confort me.
Sometime i'd like be a rock or an island.
Because a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
 

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Posted by Chungwa (Member # 6421) on :
 
Choobak, you're amazing.

[ July 27, 2005, 03:48 AM: Message edited by: Chungwa ]
 

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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Well...

You got a guided tour of Musee D'Orsay, so the evening wasn't a total loss. I admire you for trying, Choobak. The failure would be in NOT trying. Someday, you will find someone who loves you for who you are and doesn't hold back. And when that happens, I hope you'll remember how nice the Impressionist paintings were yesterday, and not miss your real opportunity because you wanted THAT OTHER woman to love you.

Bon chance, mon ami!
 

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Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
 
Choobak, I went through a period where I was questioning my self-worth and my ability to find someone that appreciated me for who I thought I was. I'd been rejected or dumped by a succesion of women and I wondered what was wrong with me. At some point I began to look at the situation with a different perspective. Instead of questioning myself I questioned the motivation of the women. I'm not saying that I became conceited and thought, "What's wrong with these women", I'm saying that I realized that each person makes choices that are dictated by their own criteria. It's healthier to believe that they make those choices because of their own strengths and inadequecies rather than your strenghs and shortcomings.
 

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Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
Choobak, you are charming and funny and interesting, and I'm telling you the truth as I see it. I'm also going to tell you that you only need one woman to find you charming and irrisistable. She's out there.
 

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Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
 
Well... you're certainly right, everybody.
Maybe a woman will find me "charming and irresistable". I'd like. But i don't manage to belive it because the last time i though it happened was for around ten years. It's a bit of long period, isn't it ?
And it was a wrong story...
 

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Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
Ten years without a date? Why does that timeframe sound familiar?

Oh, right. Somebody go find dkw, so she can tell Choobak a story about not dating and finding love.

--Enigmatic
 

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Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
 
Do you believe that people here that said they found you charming were somehow dishonest? What reason would they have to do that?

I know this is personal, but what do you think of yourself? I ask because I'm concerned about your self-image. If you would rather not discuss this that's fine. I just hope you aren't getting down about who you are. The folks here that proclaimed you charming, meant it. They had no agenda, they just liked you.

[ July 27, 2005, 07:51 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
 

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Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
 
Sometime, i dislike me, sometimes i think i was really good.
Sometime, i am estonish by my general knowledge, sometime, i think i am boring.
Sometime, i think i can touch the perfection in creation (in poetry for exemple), sometime i look my work as a rubbish.
Sometime, i see me strong, tall, and a good living, sometime i look clumsy and ugly.

I think i am not someone who is active, but an observer. I like look details, understand how it works, and compare with the rest. I have a real good memory. and i like laughing.
 

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Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
 
Ok, I'd say you have a realistic self-image, the good balanced with the not so good. I'm relieved that your recent travails haven't soured your perception of self. I have no magical advice for snaring a mate but I believe, quite strongly, that you have many traits that will endear you to a woman that is bright enough to see them.
 

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