My family is having a reunion on Labor Day weekend. It's going to be really special for me, because my extended family on my mother's side is the one that is getting together and I'm very close to all of them but haven't seen many of my cousins in a long time, some of them have kids I haven't even met.
What makes it truly awesome is that my father's Cuban deployment is ending that week and he is flying back into Ft Rucker in south Alabama. Instead of catching a flight home, he's going to drive up to Birmingham and my stepmom is flying in - so I get to have my father and stepmom there as well.
Here's the dilemma - many of you know that I've been searching for a new church because of doctrinal differences with our current one. We think we've found the church we want to join, and we're very happy with the decision.
Now, back when we first planned the reunion, we were looking for somewhere to hold it and yes, you guessed it. We all decided my church was the *perfect* place.
I reserved the church, all I have to do is pay a deposit which we get back if we don't damage anything, other than that it's free. Many people are spending a lot of money to travel and after telling them the venue would be free, I don't want to tell them that now we're going to have to find something else that will cost us. Not to mention I doubt seriously we could even find someplace to rent at this late date, it's only about a month away.
I feel like if I use the church, I'm taking advantage of them. It feels wrong to stay members for another month just so I can use the facilities for a reunion. But I also don't want to let my family down. Technically, on paper, we're still members and therefore entitled to use the church, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do.
My husband is going to call the assistant pastor and explain the situation (he already knew we were looking) and see if they will mind us using it, but even if he says okay I'm not sure how I feel about it. What do the wise denizens of hatrack have to say?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I think you should use it, if the assistant pastor says ok. You've labored long and hard at that church with very little appreciation. I'm not saying they owe it to you, but I don't think you will be taking advantage of them either.
AJ
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I agree with AJ.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
I agree with Banna. If it's fine with the assistant pastor, use it.
BTW, my sister was born at Ft. Rucker. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I also agree with AJ. You've put in your time at the church, paid the deposit, etc. It's also been in the works for quite awhile, and predicting the future is , um, very hard.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Belle, I honor the fact that you're sweating this, but if it were me, I'd go ahead and use the building. I think what Brettly says is right on.
Similar dilemma here in that we were sponsored months ago by our church to go to a conference that's going to be in a couple of weeks. At the time, we didn't know for sure if we'd be moving, but we were working toward it. We're moving 60 miles south next week and so technically won't still be a part of the ministry that sponsered us to go, as we will be switching churches. And as it turns out I can't go anyway. So we're going to refund the church my admission cost, but my husband is still going to go on the church's dime. He's dedicated the past 8 years to building the ministry that sponsored him, so I figure it's okay.
Hopefully your assistant pastor will give it the nod. I think you should use the facilities guilt free.
Posted by CT (Member # 8342) on :
Behind you all the way, Belle. The thoughtful concerned part of Belle that wants to check it out first as well as the hopeful part that wants to go ahead.
Essentially, what Brettly and jeniwren said.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The synagogue where we are members has rotten party facilities. Another synagogue in town has a lovely party room. What to do? We became "Associate Members" of synagogue #2, at discounted membership in order to be able to use the room. It was all above board -- we told the president of the congregation and the Rabbi that we really liked the congregation where we were worshipping, and intended to continue our membership there, but that we wanted to use their room. They won -- they got Associate Membership dues from us, and the fee to use the room, and we won -- we got to hold the party in their facilities.
No dilemma.
If you tell them that you will be joining another congregation but still want to have your family gathering at their church, and they have a problem with that, well, I think that they would be awfully small-minded.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong, as long as you are not trying to deceive anyone.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Thanks for all the advice guys.
My husband has tried to get the Assistant pastor on the phone but has missed him so far, but he is confident that the answer will be yes, my husband and the asst. pastor are good friends. He's sad we're leaving of course, but he understands why and supports us. He knows it's not a petty personality difference, but rather doctrinal differences that we have tried to resolve and it's just become too apparent that the church is headed in one way, while we're headed in the opposite.
There is a higher deposit for non-members to use the church facilities and I told hubby to offer to pay the higher deposit if he thought it would be necessary.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
Belle, I don't think you've got an ethical dilemma here. It's a family reunion you planned far in advance, and you planned it to be there in good faith. Honest, legitimate differences came up, and things have changed, but your plans cannot change, barring an outright cancellation of the gathering.
The church should permit your use of the facilities at the discounted rate for all of those reasons, and because they're Christians and not doing so would be, in my opinion at least, very petty and unChristlike.
Edit: That isn't to say I think you're making something out of nothing-I expect that were I in your shoes, some of the same concerns would be coming to my mind as well.
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