So*, tonight I made an impulse purchase. It's a pineapple. Skin and prickles and all.
And, right this minute, it is staring at me, laughing; laughing so hard it's little green up-shoots are shaking.
Why? Because I have no idea how to get into it, and it knows it. It can sense that I have no clue what knife to use. It's millions of eyes see that I don't know what end to start on or what direction to go in. Somehow, it's even discerned that I have no idea whether to cut out only what I want to eat when I want eat it or whether to cut the whole thing up now and store it somewhere in something. Most of all, it's giggling over my indecision as to whether it should be residing in the refrigerator or on the counter.
Help me, Hatrack-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
*snort*
Cut off the top. Cut off the bottom. Cut off the skin of the sides. Then you'll see the pineappley part.
Use a chef's knife, a butcher knife, or whatever larger knife you have. Make sure it's sharp.
Oh yeah, there's a core inside, don't eat that. Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Yeah, okay.
Now, there are several ways you can attack it, and you don't have to do it in the order I specify here. You can mix things up a bit and do it differently every time. But these, basically, are the steps. Not necessarily in any order.
Cut off the top and the bottom. You know the base and the stem. Use a heavy knife - nothing else will get through - and just slice off. Leave none of the prickly skin bit left. You don't want to eat that.
You can now, using knife from top to bottom, cut off the skin. Make sure the pineapple is sitting on your cutting board on a flat, stable, surface, such as the base of the pineapple that you just cut off. Now slice off the outer bit of the pineapple, making sure you've got all the prickly bits off. You don't want to eat them. Many people get sore mouths from eating the prickly bits. Rotate the pineapple after each slice and slice the skin off in the new section until you've got it all off. When you're done, you should have a cylindrical pale yellow object oozing with fresh pineapply goodness.
Now you can cut the pineapple in half through the middle from top to bottom. Then you can quarter it. By doing this, you should be exposing the central core because next, you'll want to slice it off. Personally, I don't mind this bit, but many people do - it's a bit tougher and harder to chew. So to be normal, I'll advise that you cut off that inner core.
Now you can slice the pineapple however you want, plunk in a bowl, and prepare however you want.
Tips:
Do not use fresh pineapple in jello. The jello will not set.
Growing tip:
If you like, the top you lopped off - the one with all the leaves - you can let it dry for a day, then plant it in soil, and it'll grow. Unless you live in the tropics, you probably won't actually get pineapples from it, but they make nice houseplants.
Eating tips:
In Sri Lanka, pineapple is frequently eaten with chilli powder (I don't mean that dark brown mix of spices you put into sloppy joes or chili con carne - I'm talking about that bright red stuff, similar to cayenne pepper or paprika) and salt sprinkled on it.
Alternately, Sri Lankans also pour sweetened condensed milk on it and enjoy that way.
Good luck! And let us know how it goes!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Yeah, so I probably went into way too much detail. Oh well.
The other thing - pineapple should be yellowish to yellow on the outside and smell distinctly like pineapples - that's an indication that it's ripe. If it ain't ripe, leave it outside the refrigerator. If it's ripe, slice it up.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
I've never bought whole fresh pineapple cause I never knew what to do with it before. Now I know! Thanks gang!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Grill it! Fresh grilled pineapple is one of God's greatest gifts to man. Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
My old girlfriend and I once bought a pineapple. The day ended with me stuffing a large portion of the fruit down her shirt. Good day. Good day.
Posted by Sharpie (Member # 482) on :
For that matter, fresh pineapple in nearly any form is one of God's greatest gifts to man! (Yeah, the tips above are great.)
Posted by Lucky4 (Member # 1420) on :
Mack and quid, you guys rock! I got so excited about my pineapple that I passed up an early bedtime to silence the taunting. Your suggestions were easy to follow and extremely helpful! My pineapple is now in adorable little cubes just like they sell in the store, and I am positive that it never would have happened without your help.
I'm not sure that this virginal experience will be the one where I try the more creative suggestions involving spices and grilling. However, I will bear them in mind for the future!
Pineapple. Heaven in my mouth!
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
My rabbit likes fresh pineapple. I just followed the instructions that came on the little card. Pineapples are heavenly. Especially fresh.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Most excellent! I'm glad it worked out so well!
The good part of this is that you can always experiment with the next pineapple. Or the one after that. Right now, it's enough that you carried through and tamed the wee beastie!
Enjoy!
Oh, one word of warning. Some people, like my sister and my neice, are very sensitive to pineapple, and if they eat too much, they get little "cuts" around their lips or inside their mouth. I think it's the acid or the enzymes in the pineapple. If this happens to you, know that it just happens with some people, and next time, eat less at any single sitting.
Another thing. Yeah, so much for that "one word of warning" bit that's turning into a whole book by itself. Pineapple, in ayurvedism, is known as a heaty food. So if you're sensitive to heaty foods, it will actually cause you to become very warm, possibly hot, and if you're in the middle of winter, this isn't a problem, but if you're in the middle of a heat wave, this can make things very unbearable. So. You know. Just watch out for it. Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
When I cut up a pineapple, I slice off the top and bottom first. However, when I cut off the skin, I usually just slice off very thin layers, leaving the deeper part of the eyes in. I then cut out about three eyes at a time in diagonal wedges. This wastes less pinapple, but is a big pain. To get rid of the core, I usually slice off the outer, sweet part of the pineapple, leaving the core in one piece.
Pineapple is great plain, and is also wonderful in Asian-type dishes, such as stir-fry. Mmmmm.
Posted by Lucky4 (Member # 1420) on :
Thanks for a perfect breakfast, Hatrack! Posted by amira tharani (Member # 182) on :
Kat, grilled pineapple is indeed good. We once had tandoori pineapple as a dessert in an Indian restaurant and it was fantastic!
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Mmmmm...... Tandoori Pineapple...... *drools*
Damn you, rivka! Your drooling problem is catching!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Darn it, Lucky, now I have a craving for pineapple!
And where am I going to get pineapple at school?
It sounds very, very good....mmm...pineapple...
*drool*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
My drooling is not catching.
Rather, it is the fact that you made fun of my drooling.
Karma is . . . well not much fun, neh? Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
There is a video demonstration on how to "peel" a pineapple. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I got a pineapple the other day at the grocery store.
mmmmmmm.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Pineapples, for soome reason, now remind me of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrel. I picture them flying out of ships, as if short by a cannon, or stuffed whole in people's mouths.
It is strange that I begin giggling uncontrolably whenever I see them in the grocery store. The stockers look at me funny.
I'm not cute enough to get away with being quite that eccentric. Occassionally wearing costumes or wooden shoes, they'll overlook.
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
But these, basically, are the steps. Not necessarily in any order.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Pineapple, in ayurvedism, is known as a heaty food. So if you're sensitive to heaty foods, it will actually cause you to become very warm, possibly hot, and if you're in the middle of winter, this isn't a problem, but if you're in the middle of a heat wave, this can make things very unbearable. So. You know. Just watch out for it. ![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)