Boy has a real jerk in his class - isn't there always one? Anyway, this kid is constantly saying mean things to him. Usually Boy Opera just ignores him. But today Boy was upset because this kid said something about *me*. LOL So, he needs some kind of snappy smart-off comeback to give this kid when the kid starts running his mouth. I've suggested, "X, like I care what you think," but it seems kinda lame. Any ideas?
space opera
[ April 03, 2005, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: Space Opera ]
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
"I completely agree old chap, that shows exactly why your mental capacity will remain minimal."
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
"At least I have a mother."
-Trevor
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Said with real sadness, "I feel sorry for you". Most likely the young man will want to know why. If he does Boy Opera can say, "It must be sad and lonely to waste time by picking on people."
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
"Comments about my Mother much like television on honeymoon: unnecessary".
How old is Boy Opera again? I mean are we talking flatulence come-backs or slavishly ordained punch-backs that demonstrate a highly sophisticated use of the English language and stir up wistful memories of the days of Virgina Wolf?
Hobbes Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Remember you're talking to kids - too subtle and the effort is wasted.
-Trevor
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You all know what my reply would be. Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
He's 9. These are great so far - I'm reading them to him and he's giggling.
space opera
edit: Boy Opera said to say, "They're good!" He really likes punwit's "I feel sorry for you..." We've changed it to: "I feel sorry for you." "You must not have very many friends if you have so much time to pick on me."
[ March 30, 2005, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: Space Opera ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
How about, "I used to say stupid things about people I didn't know too, but kindergarten was a long time ago"
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
At that age the old "Good one!" heavy on the sarcasme, and then rolling the eyes should make the bully feel frustrated. He'll try more extreme ones then, but stay strong! Let your disdain for every attempt he makes at speaking be incredibly clear.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Jerk says some smack.
Boy Opera says, "Don't believe everything someone reads to you."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
General purpose:
"I know what I'm worth, and you are worthless."
"Someday, when you're working for me, I will fire you."
"I think they must've potty-trained the wrong end of you. And failed."
"It must really hurt to be you."
Mother-related comebacks:
"Your mother told me to ignore you. She said it works for her."
"Oh well, at least my mother LIKES having me as a son."
"Hey man, no mothers." (this last rule worked in my school)
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
quote: "I think they must've potty-trained the wrong end of you. And failed."
Absolutely my favorite. This caused a loud burst of laughter.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
My mother could wipe yours all over Hatrack.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
One that got me in trouble in Jr. High:
"shut up. Oh wait, I forgot. Trying to shut you up is like trying to stop a mack truck with a pogo stick."
or
"Well that's about as funny as you are ugly."
Raise hand in stopping motion: "Talk to the hand, cheeze whiz breath."
"I don't mind the insults, but could you do something about your breath. gag."
"My momma taught me if I can't say something nice about someone, not to say anything at all." Then shut up and stare at him.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Prepared comebacks have a history of failing miserably. The comebackee can always say "Wow, you spent all day thinking that one up, huh?"
If one is not witty on their feet then one is not witty.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Big stick. Ambush after school. Whack over head.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
"You know, I'd be ashamed to come up with an insult that stupid, but I guess you're used to being pitiful."
Posted by Little_Doctor (Member # 6635) on :
"My mother is dead, you jerk." I apologize to those whose mothers have actually passed on. But this will make the bully feel guilty. I figured because he's 9 he wouldn't have heard that one yet.
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
"My Mom can spit twice as far as your Mom!" "Maybe, but she makes killer chocolate chip cookies." :: :laughing: :: "Wow dude. That was really lame." :: :laughing: :: "You need some new material."
After any of these, turn your back on the bully and ignore him so that he knows that insults aren't the way to get your attention. Also, the less reaction you give, the less entertainment he and his friends will get from teasing you. The trick is to really decide that their words have no power over you.
[ March 30, 2005, 11:32 PM: Message edited by: LadyDove ]
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
" It must be horrible being that stupid ALL the time. "
Then run.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
"Take off, you hoser."
If the bully is cool enough to have seen Strange Brew (which I'm sure you are), you could make fast friends by quoting the rest of the movie.
I'm probably not the one to ask, though. When bullies talked crap about me or mine, I usually just said "could be".
[ March 31, 2005, 02:05 AM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I always preferred to silently look at the kid mocking me really creepily and not blink until he turned away, perhaps slowly lowering my head while maintaining eye contact, then raising one eyebrow slowly.
Of course, this resulted in kids becoming a little afraid of me and more convinced that I was strange and "other", so probably not a good idea. Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Stare at him, shaking your head slightly....soner or alter he will either ask why you are doing that, or make a commnet abou that. Then you say " I didn't know anyone could still be that stupid after this many years of school." and walk away.
That was always my favorite, and it has the benifit of being completely true. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote: If one is not witty on their feet then one is not witty.
I imagine there is some truth to this. I could never think of come-backs "on my feet" when I was a kid. I'd think up one five minutes later and kick myself.
But I wonder if "studying up" on loads of possible ones (like the marvelous list here) could actually help with that. If you have a whole mental list handy, it might even help inspire new ones. If it didn't help you be witty on your feet, it could at least help with the illusion of such.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
It doesn't matter if you're witty or not - what matters is, what does the other person think of you?
Life is so much illusion and misdirection at the best of times.
Improvising on the fly is all well and good but it doesn't replace the value of a solid, considered plan.
-Trevor
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Trevor, what an awful, cynical worldview you've got there. I like it.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
*Boy Opera takes notebook out of pocket* *Boy Opera scans several pages of the notebook filled with tiny handwriting*
"Nope. I double checked, and you're not on the list of people whose opinions I care about."
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
SO, you should let us know if Boy Opera has any success with any of these (or some of his own!) I'm curious to hear about it.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I'm predicting a fistfight...
(at least that's what always happened to my boys when they came up with clever one-line bite-backs to bullies. Bullies don't know how to respond to it, get mad, and fight ensues.)
Farmgirl
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
Yea, I don't think that any sort of comeback, prepared or otherwise, will stop the bullying, gain respect, or make Boy Opera any more comfortable. It might result in getting shoved around quite a bit more and humiliated all the more frequently. In the history of my schooling, (I was bullied through senior year in high school), only twice was i involved in a fistfight (fistfight = me getting hit and grabbing my face crying or fuming, but not retaliating because i was a pacifist and a coward). Following both instances nothing changed. No comeback, stomping on foot, making fun of, or just flat out ignoring dampened the assault. Maybe this is unusual but i don't think so. i really don't think there is anything Boy Opera can do save for become a bully himself. And that's not a good idea. As crummy advice as it is, i can only say "Suck it up, this is all going to change in college". Unfortunately, those words are meaningless to a 9 year old.
[ March 31, 2005, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: Ben ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
This actually worked for me in 8th grade.
Abbott and Costello.
Me: "That's it. Do you want to fight?" Bully: "Yes." Me: I mean it. Do you want ot fight! Bully: Yes I want to fight. Me: After school, in the field? Bully: I'll be there. Me: You better be there! Bully: I'll be there. Me: And I don't want all your friends showing up to help you. Bully: They won't. Me: They better not. Bully: I won't need anyone else to beat you to a pulp. Me: Well you better come alone. Bully: I'll be alone. Me: You better be alone. Bully: I'LL BE ALONE!!! (large crowd has gathered by this time) Me: You bet you'll be alone, because I won't be there.
Then I walked out and the room exploded in laughter. Poor bully didn't know what to do.
Posted by Jay (Member # 5786) on :
I remember back in the day in elementary school getting picked on by a bully. He bugged me to no end. Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore and I just punched him in the nose. After that the bully never said another thing to me and all was great. Didn’t even get in trouble. Sweet. Can’t say that for very many fights though. But I always found that standing up to bullies was the best thing to do.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
"Dude, are you sure you really want to bring mothers into this?"
::turn to person standing next to you::
"you'd think that somebody whose mom used to do porn wouldn't go around talking about other people's mothers. Weird, huh?"
Of course, that's A)terribly mean B)not really age appropriate, C) more likely than most of the responses here to precipitate a fistfight.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
<northern wisconsin accent> Hey, dere's nuttin dat can replace a good swift kick to da nuts, my friend. </up nort>
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I understand that comebacks may not stop bullying or make it any better, but speaking as someone who didn't stand up for herself as a child, I think I would have respected myself more if I had done *something*.
It's not so much about stopping them as being able to feel that you aren't completely helpless.
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
I remember being bullied on the bus by other girls when I was nine, and I, in my clueless briliance, decided to use the weapons I had. I was not socially adept nor dressed in brand name clothing, but my vocabulary could womp theirs. So, I wrote a note insulting them in the biggest and most esoteric words I knew. The point was to make them ashamed that they didn't know what it said.
*rests head on desk* Stupid, stupid Katie.
Shockingly enough, it didn't work.
Thinking back, though, I was a little wench and bully in my own way to other people, so there have been some karma involved.
[ March 31, 2005, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Lady Jane ]
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Fourth grade. Boy tried to pick a fight with me on the playground. Lat name was "Hatchet" - there was a kid from that family in every grade.
Kept talking trash to me.
Me: What? You wanna fight me, little man?
Him: (assumes ready stance) Yeah
Me: (mirrors ready stance - I'd never really had any training, but I was a passable brawler, just natural talent and Latent Rage, I suppose) You better watch my right. I may be a girl, but I'll hurt you.
Him: *twitch* Bulls-t
Me: Just a friendly warning.
Then I turned into him with my shoulder and stomped his foot hard. This was a great advantage of wearing hard-soled shoes. He ran off crying.
When girls picked on me, I just avoided them. Looking back, though, I wish I'd smacked them, too. I did, like in first grade. But girls always tell the teacher. Boys are too ashamed to have been bested by a girl, but you smack a girl, no matter how horrible she is (and even when you're a girl, too) you really get the whole treatment.
Not that I advocate violence as a means to solve problems. But it comes in handy if you need it. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
*wishes she had had half the gumption*
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I don't know if I advocate violence on the schoolyard, but I do believe that every child (especially girls, but boys, too) should know how to defend themselves if the need arises, at least long enough to get away.
In my preschool, for instance, when we were doing the whole "private body parts"/"my body is mine"/"always tell an adult, even if you are told not to"/"stranger abduction prevention" experience, we were taught that if a man tried to grab us and take us, besides screaming "You're not my daddy! Leave me alone! You're not my daddy!" at the top of our lungs, we were to kick, hit, or head-butt him between the legs as hard as we could. "You should never do that to anyone else. It's a private part, and you usually shouldn't touch it. But if a bad man tries to take you, this is the best way to hurt him enough to get away, and you need to do it and then run. Keep running and keep yelling."
It served me well in my later years.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Exactly, kq!
When I was five or six, I went with my sister to her best friend's house. They were both 12 or 13. The best friend had an older brother and a large basement rec room with billiards and so forth. This was where we were playing.
My sister and her friend went into the next room while he was teaching me to play pool. He grabbed me, by both wrists, and was laughing. "You think you can get away from me?"
I don't know what his intentions were, but I did, in fact, get away from him. It was all instinct, but I broke the wrist hold by turning toward the thumbs. I tried stomping his foot and elbowing him first, but I was just so very small compared to him. I screamed , too, and bit his hand when he tried to stop me. I got away before my sister came into the room, and she never let me out of her sight after that. We never went back there together, and he never tried anything with Judi. I suppose she was too close to his size for it to be a sure thing.
I'm not a violent person, but in those kinds of situations, I CAN be. It seems to be my panic setting.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Not a bad panic setting to have.
Since we're going with elaborate insults:
"Didn't your father teach you any manners or couldn't your mother remember which one he was?"
-Trevor
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
You guys are great. Boy Opera said that Friday the jerk began bothering him. Boy Opera waited till he was done, rolled his eyes, and said, "Good one, X." (compliments of Jebus). He said that the other kid then said, "It wasn't a joke! It wasn't a joke!" then made a "huff" sound and walked away. Boy Opera was quite pleased with himself and the fact that the jerk got so frustrated.
space opera
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Awww!!
Hooray for Boy Opera!
His triumph is a triumph for those who've been bullied everywhere! Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I sugest getting karate lessons for dealing with bullies. I did and it helped greatly. Not many will want to bully you when you kick bullies asses when they jump you. However, only use it defensivly.
When I was in highschool there was no bulling.
Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :
My favorite of the above listed:
quote:*Boy Opera takes notebook out of pocket* *Boy Opera scans several pages of the notebook filled with tiny handwriting*
"Nope. I double checked, and you're not on the list of people whose opinions I care about."
Oh, man.. Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
Yay for Boy Opera! I'm so glad that he found something that worked for him.
When I was in elem school, I was the subject of much teasing and bullyinh and I recall quite clearly my mom telling me that I should live the golden rule. So, since she was verbally hitting me, I decided to punch her in front of everyone on the playground.
For some reason, when I tried to explain that mom told me to do it, she adamantly insisted that she never told me any such thing. It was only when I told her that I was just following the golden rule, "Do unto others as they do unto you." that she realized where we went wrong Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
*snarf*
-Trevor
Posted by xtownaga (Member # 7187) on :
I remember a Calvin and Hobbes I read a long time ago where Moe was picking on Calvin, he just stares at him for a moment and says, "Your simion appearence indicates species diversity"
that just always stuck with me for some reason
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I thought the golden rule was "Do unto others as you wish they would do unto you."
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I thought it was "Do unto others before they do unto you."
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
No, no, it's "screw unto others before they screw you."
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I'm so glad Boy Opera was able to triumph over the bully without using violence. I'm also very impressed!
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Anyway, this kid is constantly saying mean things to him. Usually Boy Opera just ignores him. But today Boy was upset because this kid said something about *me*. LOL So, he needs some kind of snappy smart-off comeback to give this kid when the kid starts running his mouth. I've suggested, "X, like I care what you think," but it seems kinda lame. Any ideas? ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
But it comes in handy if you need it. ![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)