Hatrack River Forum: Here comes the judge

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Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :

Okay, I usually don't post the "hah, funny" emails I get, but this one sent to me by hubby really did make me laugh.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
_____________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.

Posted by AntiCool (Member # 7386) on :

I've seen that before, but I lauged again. Thanks.

Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :

that's hysterical!

Except I have heard the last one as a joke on the Prairie Home Companion...so i don't know if it's actually true.

Posted by babager (Member # 6700) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :

Thanks Amka [Smile]

Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
A: Oral.

Maybe he went to ORU?

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

I've read this before - the Oral question was to a small child.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

I love this one. Even if it's not true, it's still hilarious.

Those ones with the autopsies crack me up because I have a doctor friend who would answer exactly like that...

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :

quote:
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.

Ever notice the Doctors ALWAYS jab the Lawyers when they get the chance?

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :

[ROFL]

(I'll go on record for saying I love lawyers. They are so tasty. [Wink]

Seriously, I'll put up with a lotta jerks to get one Dag.)

Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :

[Big Grin]

That was great, Amka.