This is topic Social Etiquette tips for Rednecks (from the Oklahoma Branch of the Family) in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.
In General... 1. Never take a beer to an interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.
Dining Out 1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine. 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
Entertaining in your home 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Personal Hygiene 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys. 2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money. 3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days. 4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Theater Etiquette 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.
Weddings 1. Livestock, usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not alwayshave the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too. 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession
Posted by AvidReader (Member # 6007) on :
Thanks, LadyDove.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
I am sending that to certain members of my family
(howls and wipes tears from eyes)
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Um...I'm pretty sure it's okay to bring a beer to the interview, as long as you bring enough for everybody.
Oh, wait. Maybe that was to school...
<scratches>
nevermind.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Posted by Ginol_Enam (Member # 7070) on :
*sigh of exasperation*
Everybody knows that it is Arkansas that has the rednecks, not Oklahoma.
OK has the cowboys (and, more importantly, the Sooners!) ^_^
I know. I've lived in both Posted by Uhleeuh (Member # 6803) on :
I loved that so much, I shared it with my mom, little brother, and SO and they all got a good laugh out of it too. Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :
Actually, I am guilty of more than one of these, although I am not saying which... Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
My dad and uncle wnat everyone to know that duct tape and panty hose are great at towing volkswagens behind your truck.
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