I am bored at work. tell me a story.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Once there was this monkey that was hungry.
But before he could get a banana, Tom Davidson came along and ate him.
And Tom Davidson lived happily ever after.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I'd tell you my werewolf story but it is long, strange and epic, but sort of cool...
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
that story ended too soon. tell me another story.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I'll tell you my werewolf story.
Once there was a happy werewolf. He thought he'd go to get some beef chow mein. Lon Cheney ate him all up before he could order.
Lon Cheney lived happily ever after.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
i am beginning to sense a theme. do any of your stories not have food or happy ever afters in them?
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Once upon a time there was a Anna very bored at work. She read funny stories about eating and it made her smile. End.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
once was a boy named ben at work. he read stories about food eating and lon cheney. they made ben go fetal-position. and yet he was amused by them. he just wishes there were more stories here.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
What is the way a blonde girl avoids to get pregnant ?
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. She lived in a beautiful castle, and was promised to a beautiful prince. She wore expensive dresses and golden jewelry. She ate the finest food.
But then her father the king invaded another kingdom. Thw war took a bad turn, and the castle in which the princess lived was soon surrounded by enemy forces. The princess fled. She was delicate and fragile and knew nothing about the life outside the castle walls. The first night, her dress and golden jewelry got stolen. She walked on, dressed in a dirty rug she found somewhere. The second night, she was used by a group of angry farmers, whose houses had been burned by soldiers. The third night, she thought she coldn't take it anymore. She tried to drown herself in the river, but much as she tried, her survival instinct kept prevailing.
Wet, hungry and half-naked, she finally arrived at a little village at the end of the world. She was half-mad with all the horrors she saw, and when the villagers tried to question her, she didn't say a word. An old woman living in the village took mercy and accepted the princess under her roof. There, the princess cleaned and cooked, and sew, and fed the animals, an d never spoke a word. Some nights, one of the villagers would come to her and she would please him. Soon she grew heavy with child.
When the child was born, she took care of the baby and loved it with all her poor hurt heart. When the old woman died, the princess and her child lived in her house, and became a part of the village community. The child grew up, married one of the villagers and lived a quiet, peaceful, though hard life, knowing nothing of the mother's heritage.
Meanwhile, the kings changed every few years, princes died in battles and princesses lived to see the decline of their kingdoms.
The end.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Catapult. To shoot storks.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
kama
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Her two children sat beside her on the train, sound asleep. They were completely exausted from the long ride and the hours spent crying when they found out their uncle Mark was dead. She couldn't even understand how it was possible. How something like a car accident could kill both her brother and his wife. Too much had happened this year. Her husband moving out. The divorce. And now this. Now she had to come home. She had to come back to a place she never thought she'd see again. She had thought she was free.
When she pulled into the station she expected that no one would be there to meet her. She woke up her two sleep daughters. It wouldn't have been too hard for her to carry the two 12 year olds but it would have looked ridiculous and suspicious. They groaned as they opened their eyes. "Are we here yet?" Emily asked. Kelly nodded. They took their luggage. She stood there for a while trying to decide what she was going to do. Call a cab? Walk several miles home? A car horn honked. The noise was shocking and unbearable. It was her brother behind the wheel of a station wagon. It didn't seem like a car that fit him. He got up and hugged her and she let him. As usual he wore a somewhat ratty tee shirt. His jeans were threadbare. He looked like a biker with his dark hair and shades that covered his shockingly pale nearly colourless eyes he didn't bother to hide. She hadn't seen him in ages. She hated him, and yet, she was uncharacteristically weaping on her shoulder while he uncharacteristically tried to comfort her. He then let her go and hugged both of the girls at the same time then separately, sneaking 100 dollar bills into their hands without their mother seeing, but she could smell the money but didn't have the heart to take it from them and force them to save it. He picked up the luggage and didn't even bother to strain as he picked up the large trunks and loaded up the car. She slid into the seat besides him, staring down at her hands. They both buckled their seatbelts. How was it possible? "What happened?" She whispered to him so low that the twins, asleep again couldn't hear. He kept his eyes firmly on the road. "How could a car accident have killed them? Shouldn't they have been able to heal themselves?" His voice broke. "There wasn't even enough of them to heal themselves." And he drove the rest of the way in silence.
It's kind of bad, because that is a rough draft. it's better in my head.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
hooray! Stories! but alas, of course now i long for the days of eating and happiness...
there should be a delicate balance. damn am i wishy washy.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
I liked the one about the monkey, tell it again, please *gives a puppy dog look*
Posted by AvidReader (Member # 6007) on :
Once there was a Rueben sandwich. He was the studliest sandwich in the deli and was adored by the garden salads. The Rueben was displayed in a shiny glass case for all the customers to admire.
Slowly, the Rueben realized what the cruel deli sandwich-makers were doing. They were using his beauty to destroy less beautiful sandwiches. The adoring garden salads were being snatched up by adoring customers - and devoured.
Furious at his duplicity in a crime against deli foods, the Rueben threw off the glass case of oppression. He led the pumpernickle and ranch dressing in a coup. The next day, customers tugged on the deli doors in vain. The store was dark. The food sat in its refridgerators together at last. And they lived happily for about a week until the power was turned off by the city for nonpayment.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
hooray! revolting food.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
How come Ben gets cool stories when he's bored, and I get 'overthrows the tyrannous rule of KoM'? Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Um, because Ben asked for stories and you demanded amusement?
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Once there was a little girl, much like me, that didn't feel like telling any stories. THE END!
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
...of the little girl.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
![[Hail]](graemlins/hail.gif)
kama
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)