A bit of background: my family and are white. I wasn't exposed to people of other races till I was an adult, so I've always been pretty conscious of it with my kids. We've always had black, oriental, hispanic, etc. dolls and I purposely buy books for the kiddos where the main characters are of a different race. We've always lived in white majority towns, but most of them have had a decent minority population as well. I've never really "grouped" people when explaining race to my kids - they've kinda just both come to the assumption that some people look "brown" and some people look "peach" (their words). I've always shown them that even in our family we all have different color variations to our skin.
So Operaetta (age 6) and I are talking, and she asks, "But what if my teacher at my new school has brown skin?" I say, "What if they do?" She says, "I don't like people with brown skin." I about fell off the couch. I asked her why and she said because she is scared of them. I pointed out that she goes to school with several child of other races and that she likes all of them - she said it was because she was "used to their skin." So I went through the talk about how we don't judge people b/c of their skin, hair, or eye color, etc. and that everyone is different. I also asked her how she would feel if someone said something like that to her.
Thing is, I don't know if I really got through to her. I mean, I thought I'd been getting through to her for 6 years. Any ideas on anything else I can say or do?
space opera
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
you should make sure she is exposed to diffrent people more often. Explain to her why some people have darker skin than her. I think in Africans its because of an iron consentration in their skin used to protect against UVs, notice how Africa gets alot of sun. This should serve as a history lesson as well .
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I would just emphasise that everyone is the same under the skin, and it's what's inside that counts. It sounds like you've been doing everything right; sometimes it's just hard for kids to shake off things they've heard at school, etc. It also never hurts to learn about different cultures; if you can afford/manage it, take her to different kinds of museums, restaurants, etc., and use that as a jumping-off point to teach her that all over the world, people value the same things (love, family, etc.) and have the same needs, even if their backgrounds and cultures are different.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Iron concentration?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yes, that's not right. Melanin is what makes skin darker, and everyone has it (except albinos), just in different concentrations.
Posted by kyrie (Member # 6415) on :
maybe you could ask her why they scare her. If someone has been telling her scary things about people with brown skin, it would be good to know. Or maybe you could tell her storys about MLK (there are bound to be books out there) to try and even up the playing field. good luck Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yes, I learned a lot about the civil rights movement through children's books. There are also some great ones about Cesar Chavez.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Oh - I like the idea of finding a children's book about MLK. And I will definately ask if someone has told her something bad about people with "brown" skin. I'm really upset about this - here I thought I was doing a good job, you know?
space opera
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
(((hugs))) You are doing a good job. A lot of parents wouldn't even think this was an issue and/or would actively encourage prejudice. You're under a lot of stress right now, don't blame yourself for this and add to it.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I think you're fine. Tell her that if she gets a "brown" teacher she'll get used to her skin too. Kids can get freaked by weird things. I don't it means she'll grow up racist.
My daughter is afraid of rainbows, for crying out loud.
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
How about Ruby Bridges? There's a quite good children's book about her we had growing up.
And you ARE doing a good job! Your reaction just proves it
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Oh gosh, it's amazing what kids will come up with.
I would have handled it exactly like you did. ONce my oldest asked me if it was okay if people of different races dated and/or got married.
I just told her that there is only one race. Then we talked about whether or not Jesus cared what color someone's skin is.
I wouldn't be too concerned about this, Opera, it sound as if you're doing a stand up job as a parent and I suspect this will turn out to be an isolated concern of hers. I seriously doubt you're in the process of raising a skin head. Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I wouldn't worry too much Opera - it's natural for kids to explore.
In this case, she's tenatively exploring a concept in her head.
What I'd suggest doing is explaining to her that skin color doesn't tell you if the person is good or bad and you should get to know them before disliking them on their own merits.
Ok, you might want to edit the last thought - I don't think she's as cynical as I am quite yet.
-Trevor
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
As other parents have pointed out, children are far more aware of their surroundings than we ever remember to give them credit for, as pointed out by Belle's child's question.
-Trevor
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Thanks guys! Belle, it's funny you shared that story. Operaetta also asked if a "peach" woman could have a "brown" baby later tonight. I said yes, and that usually a peach lady would have a brown baby if the baby's daddy was brown. Then she said, "But Dad is peach, and his dad is brown." (both of my hubby's parents are white) I said I didn't think grandpa was brown, and she said that he looked kind of brown to her - LOL! He was a darker complexion than my husband, who's very fair. So I guess, as some of you hinted at, that she's really noticing things in the world and beginning to sort out differences.
space opera
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
kids get spooked by the strangest of things...it is likely not a race isssue exactly, it is just a physical difference that she will have to get used to. The best thing that could happen is have her get a black teacher (and pray that she is a good teacher) so that your daughter will see that her previous conceptions were wrong.
On another racial note...my mother (a school teacher) had a student who suffered brain damage after getting hit by a SUV. He could mostly function alright...but he was not good at dealing with social norms. When they were in the office one day, he pulled on her arm and asked "why are brown people bad?" Mom mom was of course rather surprised, and said that that was not true, and asked why he thought that. He then replied "well, there always seem to be a lot of brown people in the office." She was at a bit of a loss, but then she listed off several black kids in her class that never got into trouble, and then pointed out that there were plently of white kids that were also sent to the office. He then thought about it, and then agreed that both kinds of kids could be bad, but he still thought "brown kids" were meaner to him.
It was a real tough situation, because he had no clue of what could and could not be said in public...so if he had a belief he would just come out and say it, even if it was racist (as he did not understand racism) and worse, it was hard to explain that his beliefs were wrong, since he had a hard time following any sort of logical explanation.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
.
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)