Hatrack River Forum: Supermarket lobsters escape tank and terrorize shoppers

This is topic Supermarket lobsters escape tank and terrorize shoppers in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

So sad. [Cry]

quote:

Lobsters terrorized shoppers in a Nebraska Food Rite supermarket after their tank shattered and they escaped.

Customers fled up and down the colorful labyrinth of food aisles, frantically dodging dozens of evil crustaceans that were aggressively brandishing their snapping claws.

"They were greenish blue devils, slimy and wet," says Reva Shubert, 33, who was in the produce department when the horror began. "Their little feet made eerie 'click-clack' sounds as they scuttled around finding victims."

The married mother of three says she quickly climbed into the tastefully arranged fruit dis- play and covered herself with cantaloupes.

"I hid myself well," says Shubert, "but I could see through a gap in the produce. I'll never forget the spraying blood and the screams of those poor people. I still have flashbacks and nightmares."

Shubert saw a man sprinting around the corner, his shopping cart on two wheels, one of the lobsters close on his heels.

"The lobster caught him by the ankle and slashed his legs until he let go of the cart and fell to his knees," says Shubert. "I didn't even know lobsters made noise, but it let out a high-pitched screech. It must have called to the others because seconds later, several of them were massing like mad flies on top of the man.

"They savaged him. I could see bits of flesh flying and a pool of blood spreading under him until he stopped struggling. When they ate their fill, they scattered to find others."

Posted by lem (Member # 6914) on :

quote:
They got the rubber bands off their claws so fast I think they already had it planned out. Who would have thought lobsters were so angry at us for boiling them alive and eating them?

I dare not walk past the lobster tank at Smiths anymore. [Angst]

Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :

quote:
The scurrying lobsters brought down six customers and an assistant manager before the police could shoot them all to shellfish hell.
___________

The cash register girls were running in place on the black conveyor belts.

That's hilarious. No matter what else you might say about the WWN, the mental image that this article produced is just priceless.

Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :

Of all the little details in this story, I think the best is the "tastefully arranged fruit display."

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

[ROFL]

I didn't know the Weekly World News was online!

I saw some crabs fighting once. It was at Hong Kong Market. Two employees with sticks were trying to separate them, and the rest of the male employees seemed to be gathered around betting on the outcome and cheering their favorite. I don't speak or comprehend Chinese, but the manager showed up, and he seemed to be yelling at the crowd to go back to work. They ignored him, of course. Then he turned and started yelling at the guys with sticks to get them apart-- as if that's not what they were trying to do in the first place. It was hilarious.

Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :

Coming soon to a theater near you it's Attack of the Killer Crustacians.

[ROFL]

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

Give me a pound of butter, captain. I'm going in!

Posted by babager (Member # 6700) on :

Good luck Dagonee [Angst]

Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :

Here...
*Tosses Dagonee a ceramic lobster bib*
We all need some protection sometimes.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

*starts to make a crack about lobsters and protection*

*thinks better of it*

Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :

Hey, now I'm glad it was lobsters and not crabs...(Sorry)

Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :

Heh heh

quote:
Shubert saw a man sprinting around the corner, his shopping cart on two wheels, one of the lobsters close on his heels.

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

quote:
"They savaged him. I could see bits of flesh flying and a pool of blood spreading under him until he stopped struggling. When they ate their fill, they scattered to find others."

I don't think we're giving enough credit to the writers of the Weekly World News for their brilliance.

Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :

I feel this is a great place to put the original flash that pretty much started it all, I give you Lobster Magnet!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/lobster.php

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :

I think some of our aspiring writers should submit articles to the WWN. I noticed their headlines seem to lack the punch and originality they once had. This story is brilliant! I hope it made the front page. I'm sure some hatrackers could do as well, though. Then Annie could run a photoshop phriday contest for the accompanying pictures. [Smile]

Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :

One of my favorite articles is of a man suing God for being struck by lightning 3 times.

"At first, I thought Mother Nature was responsible, but the American Legal system doesn't recognize her as an actual figure. They do, however, cover acts of God."

Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :

"Editor's Note: The Weekly World News does not discriminate with regard to the age of its writers. We will consider the writing of 5,000-year-old cave men, 33-year-old construction workers, and tales from the as-yet-unborn, so long as their work meets our standards of quality for publication here at Weekly World News."