Hatrack River Forum: Why am I an Agnostic? (now with puns and other silly stuff )

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Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Who knows?
Who cares?

[Dont Know]

[ December 04, 2004, 11:40 AM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

I think that makes you an apatheist [Wink]

Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :

What's an agostic? [Big Grin]

space opera, who thinks sndrake is not only clever, but also quite witty

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Space Opera,

It's a typo that's been fixed. Where were you when I needed you? [Wink]

AJ,

I prefer to think of myself as an Idunnotheist. [Smile]

Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :

I'm a Militant Agnostic: I don't know, and neither do you!

Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :

[Kiss]

(I'm an oscularitheist.)

Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :

I'm an accepting atheist: I believe what I believe, you believe what you believe, lets leave it at that and not go there [Smile]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

I want to make it clear I don't belong the group of Agnostics who analyze different religions at length.

You know who I mean.

Those darned annoying Diagnostics! [Grumble]

Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :

Ow. Ow ow owie.

[No No]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Then there's those folks who abstain from crystal ball gazing, feeling the future is uncertain, unknowable, unguessable and what's the use anyway:

You know.

Pragnosticators. [Razz]

Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :

*wanders innocently into thread*

[Eek!]

*flees*

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

*gigglesnarf*

Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :

[Kiss]

Thanks for making my day.

"Diagnostic," tee hee....

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

quote:
*wanders innocently into thread*

*Has major difficulty with the whole concept of eslaine wandering innocently anywhere.

Flee, coward!

*is pleased that my recycled pun was a hit with Eaquae Legit*

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

quote:
I'm a Militant Agnostic: I don't know, and neither do you!

Well, I'm part of the Ultra-Secret Agnostic Cabal: None of us know and we wouldn't tell you anyway if we did! [Razz]

*Resistance is never futile*

Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :

Hey! I can affect innocence....

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

quote:
Hey! I can affect innocence....

But not effectively. [Smile]

*I'll believe it when I see it. Probably. Maybe.*

[ December 02, 2004, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Any Agnustics here?

You know who you are...

The ones who don't know whether or not wildebeests really exist. [Smile]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

I used to be Agnewstic.

I didn't know if I believed in Spiro T. Agnew.

quote:
"(The media) are an effete corps of impudent snobs, a tiny fraternity of privileged men elected by no one and enjoying a monopoly sanctioned and licensed by the government. They are nattering nabobs of negativism."
--Alleged to have been said by Spiro T. Agnew

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

I'm an agnostic dyslexic insomniac-- all night long, night after night, I toss and turn, muttering "Is there a dog?" [Dont Know]

edited from a deleted post to put my AAAS post on the 1st page:
Thanks for the feedback Stephen, I had a weird day.

[ December 05, 2004, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

For Morbo:

quote:
A Dog's Letter to God

Submitted by Robert B. Warwick

Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? What are they thinking?

Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have onramps?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energyfields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?

Dear God,
I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the dogs here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my self-esteem.

Dear God,
The new terrier I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does PetsMart sell lie detectors?

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Hey Morbo,

glad you enjoyed it. [Smile]

I get weird days too.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

A couple more:

Eggnostic: someone who's really not sure how they really feel about eggs.

Eggnogstic: while they may be OK with eggs, they're really not sure about eggnog.

[Razz]

Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :

Why am I an acrostic?

What, do I have to spell it out for you?

Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :

Up until recently I was very AGnostic but he resigned.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

I think we should all give a historical nod to the ancient Egyptian Akhenostics, who really weren't all that sure about Aten being the one and only god.

[ December 03, 2004, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Egognostics, of course, are just full of themselves. [Wink]

[ December 03, 2004, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :

In Vermont there's a lot of Agrignostics, who don't know if they want to be farmers.

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

Then there are the lagnostics, who don't know why they're always late.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Then there's Acorngnostics, who are unsure of the existence of acorns.

Serious note: Squirrels should be discouraged from this line of thinking - disbelief, uncertainty or doubt about a diet staple can have deadly consequences! So don't go talking young impressionable squirrels into doubting the existence of acorns. It's not funny. [No No]

Spinning them off the feeders is bad enough. (No innocent looks - you know who you are.)

[ December 03, 2004, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :

*covers eyes*

Thanks for the warning in the title.

*flees again*

Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :

And then there are the Ecrunostics, who are unsure of the existance of the "color" ecru. They assert that it's really off-white, and only silly romantics who have a need to believe in something call it ecru.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Assgnostics - are believe it or not - totally unconvinced that donkeys exist. They're amarezingly mulish about this topic.

(Note: they should not be confused with asstheists.)

[ December 03, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Exgnostics are an interesting case. These individuals seem to suspend belief in their ex-spouses. Needless to say, it's a totally unsupportable position when alimony is involved. Not to mention visitation.

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

assignostic: someone who can't decide whether to show up for a blind date.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Askgnostics aren't convinced that questioning is something that is useful or relevant. And if you aren't sure about questions, there's no reason to worry about answers.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

Arrrgnostics aren't sure whether or not to talk like a pirate.

[ December 03, 2004, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

I know someone who's a Gagnostic. She doesn't know whether bulimics exist.

(Oh man. I'm evil... O_O)

Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :

quote:
Why am I an acrostic?

What, do I have to spell it out for you?

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

*giggle* This thread is funny. [Big Grin]

I'm amazed at people as clever as y'all.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Aknockknockgnostics: Very ambivalent about opening the door to strangers. Often the butt of jokes.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

Apegnostics: 1. Humans who are uncertain about the existence of apes. 2. Apes who are uncertain about the existence of of a Supreme (or Primary) Primate. See also: Apetheists

Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :

Dagnostic: I'm not sure if Dagonee exists.

Posted by Tater (Member # 7035) on :

I wish there were some aknockknockJOKEgnostics. Maybe if enough people questioned their existence they would cease to exist. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

quote:
Dagnostic: I'm not sure if Dagonee exists.

quote:

Not believe in Dagonee! You might as well not believe in fairies. ... Nobody sees Dagonee, but that is no sign that there is no Dagonee. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

Yes, Eaquae, there IS a Dagonee!

[Big Grin]

[ December 05, 2004, 10:28 AM: Message edited by: sndrake ]

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

And he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sake!

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

AAgnostics aren't sure about alcoholism. Or anonymity.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

AAAgnostics are ambivalent about auto safety, roadmaps and emergency roadside aid.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

AAASgnostics are skeptical of creationism.