From the October conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Dat Saints:
quote: Before I married her, she had been the girl of my dreams, to use the words of a song then popular. She was my dear companion for more than two-thirds of a century, my equal before the Lord, really my superior. And now in my old age, she has again become the girl of my dreams.
Since we've been married, my wife has asked me, gently, to write her kind of story. I have stubbornly resisted the idea, because we don't like the same kind of literature, and 'realistic' fiction isn't easy for me to write.
For her birthday, however, I am giving her a story that is her kind of story.
And I am excited about doing so. It feels good and right. I wish I had done it earlier.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Speaking personally, I was very moved by that talk. I'm having a hard time in my marriage with a husband who has joined the church nine years ago but doesn't believe (any more?).
My husband was in church when the conference talks were broadcast, but I don't know if he was listening. That's too bad, because I think he needed to hear it as much as I did. We need to work together to make the marriage work. I get tired of trying to manage everything like bills and what's going on with our daughters.
I'll quit now - I'm tired and this could easily turn into a rant. Anyway, I did appreciate President Hinckley's remarks.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I absolutely, completely loved what President Hinkley said. There are more than a few times that I've looked at some of the most prevelant attitudes of guys in the church and Mormon guys that I've dated and thought that I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than subject myself to that. Marrying a nonmember doesn't really work out for other reasons. It's because of talks like that and statements from the general authorities like that that I don't give up completely.
[ November 16, 2004, 08:31 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Is sublimating your desires for someone else's desires really a good idea?
(Sarcastic answer: When you're a man, it is!)
[ November 16, 2004, 08:34 AM: Message edited by: Scott R ]
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Is sublimating your desires for someone else's desires really a good idea?
Absolutely, but only when the object of your affection has the same attitude towards you. Then you team up to achieve your desires for each other as support, helping hands, and cheering section.
Posted by Lisha-princess (Member # 6966) on :
I LOVED that talk. And I think that what I loved the most about it was this: it was not directed to me. It was basically given to the priesthood. And I think that it's possible for a man to look at that, and look at the women that he knows, and be like, "Yeah, they're not that great." I don't think that I'm anywhere near the ideal that Pres. Hinckley describes. But what really gets me, is how inspired I am to be her when I read that. That's the person I want to be, and when he talks about women in that way, it makes me want to be that even more.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:Is sublimating your desires for someone else's desires really a good idea?
Absolutely, but only when the object of your affection has the same attitude towards you.
Hmm. I think it depends on why you're going about doing all this self-sublimation.
I'm kind of passive aggressive. Sublimating my desires is second nature-- but only so I can prove, when you fall flat on your face, how right I was to start out with.
This, I think, is not healthy.
But to sacrifice X because I truly want someone to be happy; because their happiness brings me happiness greater than X would-- I think that's what can help make a successful marriage.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
So, my wife beat me to it.
I turned 30 on November 20th. My wife had implied that she was going to take me out for dinner, so we arranged for my mom to take the children.
I was excited to be going out-- my wife is a terrific date, even when she hasn't had time to plan, and she had time to plan this one. She'd said that she had some last minute things to do before our date, and she'd meet me at my Mom's at 6:30. So, at 6:40, she calls me up, tells me she just left wherever she'd been, and she'd be there shortly.
Shortly passed. At 7:05, she called me, almost in tears. Apparently, she dropped whatever it was she'd purchased and "spilled it all over the carpet, the floor. . . everywhere." She'd had to go home to drop 'it' off, and would I come and pick her up, please?
So I went home, a little anxious. I pulled up, opened the door, and noted that she was laying down on the couch, face down. I asked if she was okay, and she didn't answer, but when I got close, she popped up, and shouted SUPRISE!
She threw a poetry reading for me.
A POETRY READING!
How friggin' cool is that! We had a bunch of our friends there at the party, and they'd all brought poetry, and she'd arranged for an amp and a mic. . . sooooo AWESOME!
The cool thing about this is that my wife does not like poetry. She's cool with what I write her, but she just doesn't care for the artform as a whole. And she woudln't be caught dead at a reading.
She completely took me in. She fooled me absolutely, 100%. I love it.
After we got done with poetry, we played improv games. It was a very, very, very fun.
This, I think is what really makes a successful marriage. This type of courtship, the suprise, the sacrifice. . . it's what enlivens and validates and renews the relationship.
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Happy birthday!
What an absolutely lovely story. What a wife!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hobbes Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
So cool! Scott, I'd say something about being sure you appreciate your wife -- but clearly you already do. Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Scott, that is one of the nicest, kindest things I've ever heard a spouse do. If I knew her, I'd have to high five her. That is just seriously awesome. Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Scott, that sounds very cool. You are a very lucky man.
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