Hatrack River Forum: New column: Choosing your you-ness

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Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :

Choosing your you-ness

In the next few weeks, Americans will be asked to make a hard decision, possibly one of the hardest decisions they'll have to consider all year. What to wear for Halloween.

It can be anguishing, choosing the you that you want to be for a night. Do you want to be a you that's dashing, beautiful, funny, sexy? Do you want to be a you that you've never been before? Or do you just want to be the you that wins costume contests?

Over the years my costume choices have fallen into a few broad categories.

Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :

quote:
In the next few weeks, Americans will be asked to make a hard decision, possibly one of the hardest decisions they'll have to consider all year. What to wear for Halloween.

Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :

quote:
I have to admit I don't recall R2D2 ever screaming "Get him! Get him!" in the movies, but that might have been in the Special Edition.

You can never have too many Special Edition jokes, especially when they flow so perfectly from the story. Good writing, as always, Chris.

Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :

We decided to go Star Wars because the father of one of our friends was holding a party and had planned to go as Darth Vader. We assembled our crew quickly, went to the party, and waited.

Here I should explain Jamie's costume. I took a white, dome-topped kitchen garbage can and painted the R2D2 panels and lights and whatnot on the outside. I cut the bottom out, and carved two holes in the sides, and bolted straps on the inside to serve as suspenders. Him we dressd in white paints, blue shoes, and a white long-sleeved shirt. He had one of those toy robot waldos you can grab things with so I painted that white. When he wore it, he was perfect. He could see -- barely -- out of where the lid swung open, and he tended to stumble about which was, frankly, hilarious.

At the party, my friend's dad made his grand appearance and was immediately confronted by my friend as Luke, who challenged him to a duel. As the crowd moved back to give them room Jamie watched very intently, almost quivering. When they finished (a tie), everyone applauded, and then Jamie came scuttling across the room to attack a very startled Darth Vader with his robot arm, screaming "Get him!"

When, laughing, we stopped him and told him who Darth Vader was he seemed disappointed. Me, I was proud that my 4-year-old son had no hesitation in battling evil. OK, I was giggling hard enough to shoot ginger ale outof my nose, but I was still proud. We promised him that the next Dark Lord of the Sith that attacked was all his.

Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :

quote:
That way I could wear my fencing sabre out in public, which was impressive and fun and very useful for stabbing menacing doorbells.

I can SOO see this. *snort*

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

[ROFL]

in general.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

[ROFL]

as usual.

Side note about the "Spike" idea. In all the lore and stories I have ever seen, there has never been a chubby Vampire.

Maybe its an Atkins thing.

Posted by Miro (Member # 1178) on :

Or the liquid diet...

Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :

Miro: [ROFL]

Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :

Fat White Vampire Blues, by Andrew Fox. "Taxi-driving vampire Jules Duchon weighs 350 pounds and is still gaining from drinking the blood of the citizens of New Orleans, whose rich, unhealthy diets are teeming with fatty lipids."

Saw it at the library, got it for the title. Not bad.

Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :

quote:
All of the last-minute work became worthwhile when R2D2, still of an age to have problems with the whole "reality-vs.-fantasy" thing, attacked a startled Darth Vader on sight. I have to admit I don't recall R2D2 ever screaming "Get him! Get him!" in the movies, but that might have been in the Special Edition.

quote:
Me, I was proud that my 4-year-old son had no hesitation in battling evil. OK, I was giggling hard enough to shoot ginger ale outof my nose, but I was still proud. We promised him that the next Dark Lord of the Sith that attacked was all his.

This, Chris, is why I love reading your columns. And posts. And such. [Laugh]

Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :

Right. [Kiss]

Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :

Great column, Chris. Your take on your little R2D2 was priceless.

James Marsters did volumes with one flick of a lid. Master of facial expressions.

And then there is the "Aw, bloody hell!"

Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :

That would make a funny rewrite of star wars, R2D2 goes up and kills darth vader on sight while saying that.

[ October 13, 2004, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: MEC ]

Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :

or combine the two...

R2D2: (spots vader) Kill him! Kill Him!!

Vader: (Rolls eyes) Aw... Bloody Hell!

Great column as always, Chris!

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :

quote:
One year I went out as Kevin Smith's character "Silent Bob" solely because I had a trench coat, a backward baseball cap and a similar attitude toward the Atkins Diet.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

It's been a while since I've gotten excited about dressing up for Halloween. Though a few years ago my husband bought some black hair dye, contemplating a Frankenstein look.