Do you like to read/critique/edit stories? Have you got some spare time on this lovely Sunday night to read a short story? Well have I got the job for you.
The truth is, I have had to write a story for a class. ("Yay!" I bet you're all thinking.) But the truth is I'm not so sure about whether this is Yay or whatever the opposite of yay is.
1. It ended up being rather sad, which I hadn't intended. I hardly ever write very sad things, but it is. I need to know if it makes you go "meh" or weep.
2. The science fiction element that the story had to be based around has become buried under the emotional content, I need to know if it is Science-Fictiony enough.
3. It is long in subject. The word count is just under 8000 but the topic ended up being larger than perhaps a short story should hold.
4. It is due on Wednesday at one o'clock.
If you are interested, please post your e-mail address here and I will send you a copy.
I realise this is a huge favour, but it's reading and critiquing and that's fun, right? I also realise I could post it at the Writer's Workshop but I don't know many of the people there.
Thank you.
[ October 12, 2004, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
I'll read it : ) My e-mail is catherinedutton at yahoo.com
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
You can send it to me and I'll try and get it done in time - I'd like to read it, I'm just not sure if I'll have time. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I've sent a copy to both of you, thank you for offering.
quote: I'm just not sure if I'll have time.
It's the thought that counts .
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
caysedai (at) gmail (dot) com
I'll give it a shot. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I'm interested to read it. Email address is in my profile.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Sent to CaySedai and Noemon.
Thanks!
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
If you still want people to read, I'd be happy to do so. Email's in the profile Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
ketchupqueen AT sbcglobal DOT net
I love editing, and I'll be happy to read it this afternoon if you still need readers. If you send it, please include a short list of points you'd like me to read for.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Sent to Carrie and ketchupqueen.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
I'm with ketchupqueen - what exactly do you want us to look for/critique?
Have read the story already - very interesting.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Alright, I'll post it here so everyone will have an idea:
First and foremost, at a basic level, is it interesting, believable etc? Are there any bits where you groan because it's annoying or predictable or anything?
Also, I had never written anything so intense before- how is the intensity, is it a flop? Are the characters ridiculous?
Second, part of the assignment of this story was to include the science fiction element (the crystals) in such a way that made the reader able to accept them easily without stopping in the middle of the story and thinking "what the heck?". Is this the case?
I hope this helps you in your critique and I hope you all enjoy reading it .
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
I'm terrible at critiques. But can I read your story just for fun?
Bruinlawyer2002 -at- Yahoo.com
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Please send it to me also, and I'll do my best to send you my opinion about it by tomorrow evening - I'll print it out and read it in class should I get too bored My adress is radu_stancu2003 _at_ yahoo _dot_ com.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
It should be in your inbox, all edited, but I'm not sure whether it missent or not. You'll either get it, like, four times, or not get it. If you didn't get it, please write me again, and I'll re-send.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I got it, and I'm just about to start going through it now. Thank you about a million times, by the way, what you've done is priceless.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Why, thank you. *loves to edit* *has nothing else to do while the baby naps* *actually does but prefers to procrastinate*
BTW, I had my husband read the story, and he thought it was really good, too.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I didn't use all of your suggestions but I used a good number of them. A lot of the time you cleared up bits I had been struggling with. Thank you very much again, it was a fabulous help. Once it's all finished and scrubbed and polished, I'll send it back to you .
If anyone who offered to read it but hasn't got to around to it yet would like the new version which is very similar but does contain quite a few corrections (such as the spelling of hangar ), I would be very happy to send it to you.
[ October 11, 2004, 09:31 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Okay, I've just been re-reading and noticed some things I didn't before. Ready for another re-write? Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I'll send you it sometime tonight kq. I want to get a lot of different opinions because everyone comes up with different questions and concerns.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yes, these are more grammatical/ spelling things. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Oh, no...
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I will destroy your self-confidence with spelling corrections, build you back up with enough praise to get you hopeful, and then knock you back down with more corrections! Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Done with that re-write yet? I'd like to see what you've done with it. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I sent it last night... did you not recieve it?
EDIT: Also the changes are presently quite minimal, there are some huge things I haven't go around to changing yet.
[ October 12, 2004, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
No, I kept looking for it and didn't get it. Send again, please. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Sent it to you, kq. I hope it works this time!
Also, all the other people who offered to read it, just because ketchupqueen has been so helpful, doesn't mean I don't need your opinions. Especially the male POV, since my professor is male. If you're planning on reading it, although don't feel you have to at all, I need to have opinions etc. by tonight, as it is due tomorrow!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I just got it, thanks. Oh, and there's still one "hanger" at the beginning that I missed last time. First paragraph. I'll look at the rest once I get the baby to go to sleep!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Make sure you send me the next draft you do... This is shaping up really well! Everyone, read this story! It's really well thought through!
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Okay, update:
This is to those kind people who said they would like to read the story but haven't given a response. I don't mind one way or another if you do, I just need to know because time is ticking down and I want to know if any other opinions are going to come or not.
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
Just sent mine - sorry it's late-ish!
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Double update!!!
Many people had their copy "clipped" by something. It says "message clipped" at the bottom.
I fyours is like this and you are confused, e-mail me!!!!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I'll be up until about 2 am, I'd love to see your next draft and fix all your grammar and spelling for you again. Send it when you have it, and I'll get right on it.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Huh, sorry I didn't write back about that story. There were some errors in one of the assignments I had and the teacher corrected them and extended the due date, so I had to go back to working on that...
Anyway, excuses aside, for what it's worth I think it's quite a nice story. At first, when reading about 'darker than black' crystals I immediately thought about 2001, but then you came up with the idea of them recording earths history which was excellent. I loved how you managed to give an idea of what big problems this caused, and also keep in touch with people's everyday lives.
And if you don't mind, I'd like to read the final version of it, so please send it to the same adress. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yeah, I'd like to see what you did with it, too. *is hooked* Pleeeeease?
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Yeah, Corwin, although the rest of the assignment is my own, the crystals recording the earth's history was unfortunately science fiction element that had to be included.
So I'm not a genius after all .
But I will send you both the version I handed in, although kq, I'm afraid you won't agree in many cases in the bits I left in (and at least one "Centre" was spelt wrong- oops!).
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Oh, so it wasn't your idea... Oh well, don't be discurraged, the story is still excellent! I just read something about a chess problem which at the time when it was composed was thought to be unique, excellent, best of the best, etc.* But further research proved that there was another earlier study based on the same idea! There were questions about the originality, whether the author had known the previous study or not, but nonetheless it's still beautiful! And I remember a comment about that: "Is it bad to take a good idea and then to do something even more interesting with it?!" I think not, and so does the person I quoted. Everyone can find lots of interesting ideas - really, everyone - but working them out in a good story requires a special talent and I think you have it!
(* unfortunately, after many years they found a refutation of it - that is a variant of play it which the expected outcome didn't happen. Someone then found a refutation of the refutation, only to find out that there was a refutation of his refutation of the refutation... Talk about bad luck...)
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
Sorry I didn't have time to send a critique in time. I did really like it though, and would be interested in seeing how the final version turns out.
I'm glad you were able to get some help at least - stupid final week of uni taking up all my time. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
For all those who didn't have time, that's totally understandable. That's why it's a Huge Favour to me, because I'm asking for your very precious time. Don't feel the need to apologise.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Hey, just 'cause I would have taken something out, doesn't mean you were wrong to leave it in. That's why it's called "suggesting". You are the author, therefore you are right. Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your story Teshi.
I like how you slowly build up the tension and then released that tension with a very human moment at the end.
Thanks for sharing it with me even though I wasn't much help as an editor.
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My adress is radu_stancu2003 _at_ yahoo _dot_ com.
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If you didn't get it, please write me again, and I'll re-send.
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), I would be very happy to send it to you.![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
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I will destroy your self-confidence with spelling corrections, build you back up with enough praise to get you hopeful, and then knock you back down with more corrections! ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Send again, please. ![[Hail]](graemlins/hail.gif)
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