A friend loaned me an anthology of wedding readings yesterday. Among the sappy, sentimental, and overused verses were some real gems, such as a really bad translation of some Sumerian religious/erotic poetry. I’m thinking of having ElJay read it for the ceremony. If she makes it through the second page, you can bounce dice off her head.
[ August 25, 2004, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I suppose it might also be a good translation of really bad poetry. How would one tell the difference? (Assuming one does not read ancient Sumarian.)
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
My only question - what does ancient Sumerian poetry have to do with a d12?
-Trevor
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
I believe that's a Kamacon thing, Trevor. Well actually an Eye of Argon/Kamacon thing.
[ August 25, 2004, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: TheTick ]
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Indeed.
Though I admit that my first thought upon reading the thread title was to imagine the happy couple rolling initiative to see who says their vows first.
(My second thought was, "Wait a sec, you don't use a d12 for initiative...")
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
And mine was "These chicks don't even know the name of my band"
Posted by Zevlag (Member # 1405) on :
*laughs* *co-worker gives me weird looks*
I showed him Eye of Argon today, he just gave me weird looks then too :-P
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Ooo . . . Saxon, that's a good idea. We should probably roll before the ceremony, though.
You know, we could settle a lot of details that way. Hmmm.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Do I get to practice first? I can read anything without laughing if I get to practice first.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Am I the only one thinking of Eminem's rap group, here? And of naked women? But also Eminem's rap group?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'd like to say that I now understand these jokes. KamaCon was good to me.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Eddie, look up four posts from your last one.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Also, same rules for the audiance? No one within 10 feet gets to try to make me laugh? That puts the wedding party out.
Edit: Eeek! Can't believe I typed that.
[ August 25, 2004, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: ElJay ]
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Just remember to bring a 10' pole.
Make your own risque jokes.
-Trevor
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
The lectern is to one side of the chancel, which is at least 25’ wide. Bob and I and all my attendants will be far enough away.
I tried to read this to Bob last night, and couldn’t finish. The thing that really got me was the random shifting between heavy-handed explicit metaphor and explicit non-metaphor. When it got to the point that I couldn’t tell who was licking who where and whether “milk” was literal breast milk or metaphor for other fluids I had to stop. And ask him about the hydroponic lettuce sometime. I laughed so hard I almost threw up.
The last chapter of the book has suggested ceremony scripts. There is, in addition to the basic “protestant” and “catholic” services a “Non-theistic Judeo Christian Ceremony” and a “Zen-Unitarian-Catholic-American-Trancendentalist Ceremony.” So, you know, if we decide the Book of Worship is too ordinary . . .
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Actually, Dana, I think it was a d-10.
But I was laughing too hard to notice.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Which means Daddy would be far enough away, too. Let's not do this.
Like you were seriously considering it, anyway...
But we can give it to the Hatrack alterna-party!
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Would I joke about something as serious and sacred as a wedding ceremony?
I am shocked – simply shocked – that you would suggest such a thing.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
This will give you some flavor of the beauty of the Sumerian poem (in translation of course):
quote: She: My lover is like an underwater cabbage. I want to have his babies.
He: The milk of her bosom is sweet sticky honey that I mix with scented oil that I picked up at the gas station on my way over here.
She: My lover is a giant stick, and I know just how to use him, er, it.
He: Hunk-a, Hunk-a burnin' love.
She: Oh baby, now! I'm fertile for the next 17 seconds!
He: Is that my milk or yours? Whose metaphor is this anyway? And did we already take off our clothing or am I supposed to figure this out from context?
She: You just broke the 4th wall, you idiot.
He: Well, whaddya want for an underwater cabbage?
She: Oh, that feels nice! Do that.
He: That wasn't me. I'm over here admiring you from afar.
She: Oh. Good. I need a cigarette. YOUR cigarette <wink wink>
It goes on, but you probably get the point.
Pardon the pun.
And remember, this is in a book of "SUGGESTED READINGS" for couples at their wedding.
I'm thinking if that poem were to be read at our wedding, we'd be spending the honeymoon visiting several of Dana's parishioners in Cardiac ICUs scattered around central Iowa.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bob,
Maybe you should try the first part of Gilgamesh, where it talks about Enkidu and the priestess' little interlude. (translated differently in different works)
Think the jungle, Tarzan, Jane.
Hot stuff.
(Just skip the part about Gilgamesh claiming first rights to all newlyweds in his city.)
Who needs modern porn, when they did it so well in the ancient world, and called it "the way things are."
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Lalo, considering I posted before you with "These chicks don't even know the name of my band," then no, you weren't the only one who thought of Eminem.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Well actually an Eye of Argon/Kamacon thing.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)