quote:At a recent Indiana Pacers-Washington Wizards game, a woman's reaction to a man's marriage proposal stuns an expectant crowd.
The apparent proposal came at the end of a halftime contest on the Wizards home court Saturday night.
The woman was blindfolded, sent out on the court, and told if she could find a local bank's mascot, she would win free Wizards tickets.
As the crowd yelled "hot" and "cold," the woman roamed the court for about 10 seconds.
Then, as she found and touched the bank mascot, she was told she won the contest.
However, the public address announcer said there was a surprise.
The man appeared from the bank mascot's costume, grabbed a microphone and then got down on one knee.
As he began to speak to the woman, she paused and grabbed her face in shock.
Then, as the crowd expected the man to pop question, the woman turned away from the man, and sprinted full speed across the basketball court.
After running up a tunnel, she was stopped by a security guard.
There was no indication on the broadcast whether the proposal was legitimate or not.
But the stunt surprised the groaning crowd as a message saying, "She said No!" appeared on the arena's scoreboard.
Oh, burn. Sweetie, if you're gonna do it in public, better be really, really sure she's going to say yes.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
She was probably too shocked by the idea that she didn't actually win those hard-to-get Wizards tickets to think about the proposal.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
*ouch*
There was a weekly show here called 'I do' or something equally asinine, which involved one partner contacting the show with their (usually he, but there were a couple of women) idea for a perfect proposal.
4 people were chosen each week, and given all they wanted - then they had to pop the question on national tv. One man dressed up as a cupid - complete with pink glitter - and asked his girlfriend in a shopping mall. (So, live veiwers as well as a the broadcast!). She said no way, and then told the cameras later she had planned to dump him that weekend anyway.
*ouch, ouch ouch*
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
I saw someone get regected like that in public once...I can't remember where it was, but I remember how bad I felt for the guy.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I always thought proposing in public was so ridiculous. I mean, talk about pressure. It really puts the girl on the spot and doesn't really do that much (IMO) to demonstrate your love for her. What if she doesn't want to say yes? What if yesterday she told you she wanted to marry you but something happened after that that totally changed her mind? You don't *know* that she is going to say yes! Not and have this be a surprise. I suppose you could tell her right before, "Oh, by the way, I am going to propose to you publicly in about 5 minutes. Are you still interested?" Keep it private. Save both of you the embarrassment, stupid. Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I'd feel bad for the guy too. I always feel bad when I see somebody being an idiot.
(or should I have said that in the feed the trolls thread?)
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
You mean it isn't romantic to be proposed to by such a spectacle? I think guys honestly think the girl will treasure the moment.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I think there likely are some women who would; but many who would not be.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
There's a lot of reasons not to propose in public, imagine being married to someone just because they didn't want to say no in front of New York Knicks fans.
Hobbes Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
It's like guys who buy a ring without knowing at all what the girl likes in a ring. Some couples buy it together, some guys let the girl pick it out. It might be wise to find out first (perhaps indirectly) how the girl feels on the issue. I wouldn't like it.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Guy would be lucky if I didn't kill him outright in front of all those witnesses.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Maybe some guys would like it to be a surprise and don't have the kind of social ... umm... clout to figure out what the girl likes without tipping her off. I mean, how would you do that anyways?
"Honey, I was perusing the ring section of our local jewerly shop and I got into a conversation with the manager due to complications involving our dog, three monkey, and a lot of white-out. Anyways, we were having an argument over the best ring for a girl like you and we want you to settle it. Here's a polling packet for you to fill out, I expect it at least a day before our dinner date on Friday."
In other words, I'm one of those guys.
Hobbes Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Ask her best friend.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I proposed in private.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Exactly. There must be at least one person the two of you both know. You get that person to help you out. They will know how to be sly without tipping her off. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
None of my friends would know my ring prefrence.
Hobbes Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
At BYU, it is the tradition to ask people out to the dances in some elaborate/public fashion.
I never once followed that tradition, although I was asked out in that way. It didn't do anything for me. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You aren't a girl.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
But your friends could ask you. Especially if someone prompted them to. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
If my best friend (or any friend) found out I was being proposed to before I did I would have been seriously annoyed.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Yah, because that wouldn't be tip-off.
Mack, this is true, I'm not, I'm just a guy who once gave you a hommies poster. Why did I bring this up? Because I've run out of my limited supply of funny and so now I'm trying to "network" and improve my connection with you so that we can enter a close, inter-personal conversation and I don't have to rely on my lack-luster wit to bulster our conversational style.
Either that or I'm just a blow-hard.
Hobbes Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Oops. I guess it doesn't work for all cases. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You want me to ask Annie what her ring preference is?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Perhaps all girls should have calling cards on which they're required to write some of their ring prefrences. Or just tatoo them to their forhead, you spend enough time with a girl and somehow you just know what she wants when it cocmes to rings.
Hobbes Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
What if the girl quite frankly never thought about the ring before, figuring it was a little premature since there wasn't anyone she wanted to marry and she was thinking about other things? That is NOT the same thing as having no preferences.
Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
I have a friend who proposed to his girlfriend during a church dance in the middle of the dance floor before the last dance. They had only been dating two months. She said she'd have to think about it. The next day she turned him down. For months he was asked/teased about his failed proposal. It's just not the way to do it.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I don't want an engagement ring. i want an old pocket watch.
Posted by MattB (Member # 1116) on :
hard-to-get Wizards tickets
Heh. You're obviously not familiar with the current state of the Wizards franchise.
Sorry. Back to the topic at hand. One of my friends actually thought it would be cute to *fake* propose to his girlfriend all day before he actually did it. So he went to one knee in a Wal-Mart, which freaked her out (let me repeat, a WAL-MART), then he casually reached over to retrieve some item from the bottom shelf. He did it again in a movie theater parking lot, and then tied his shoe.
Of course, his actual proposal involved a carful of pink balloons, but she married him. And now they have a son named Roscoe. Seriously.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Ouch. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be proposed to in public. And I'd better be expecting it, too. It's probably best for some discussion of marriage to come before the actual proposal.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Wal-Mart??????
As mack said - he'd be dead.
Tacky!
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Could it be better than a car? Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Jamie: I just got you. Me: You just got me what?
<--slow.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Pardon me, would you mar...(sees expression)...inate a steak for me when we get home?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
Yeah, I don't think I'd like to be proposed to in public. Not just because of the possible embarrassment, but sure, that's a part of it. And I agree with Shigosei on the "expecting it" part. Well, maybe not so much expecting, as knowing you're both ready. Um... eh, I know what I mean. Honest.
I also have to say I think I'd rather help pick out the ring, than have to wear a ring I might not like for the rest of my life. Hmm, maybe that sounds a little harsh... I don't know, I just don't want to end up like one of my friends who has a ring that she loves but hates. She loves it because her husband proposed with it, but it's not at all her style, and is rather large; not something she would wear if it didn't have the significance that it has.
I think, though, that any guy who was planning on proposing to me would know me well enough to ask my sister to help him pick out a ring. Not that I'm saying guys don't have good taste... Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Ya know, I would like to think I'd have discussed this with the girl long before I decided to ambush her.
And with my sense of humor, I probably would propose in a public and flamboyant fashion, but before I put her and myself through that, I would know beyond a doubt she wants to get married.
What's more, that she wants to get married to me.
As to the ring - I imagine I'd pick out a blank band and once she said yes, take her to the store the next day so we (she) could pick out the band we (she) likes. I freely admit I have no taste in such things.
Public proposals - poor guy in middle school walked up to a girl in the cafeteria and asked her if she'd go out with him. During the middle of lunch.
Of course, he went down in flames, but I had to admire his nerve.
-Trevor
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
As for how to propose as a surprise and still give her a ring, how about asking, getting an answer, and then saying "I got a ring. This is temporary until we can pick one out for you." and pulling out one of the $8 ones from Wal-Mart.
This, of course, is easier if you actually propose in Wal-Mart, but that's up to you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Or you could do what the fiancé of a friend of mine did. He gave her a pin that looked like a large engagement ring. Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
quote: As to the ring - I imagine I'd pick out a blank band and once she said yes, take her to the store the next day so we (she) could pick out the band we (she) likes.
Ooh good plan. Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Snicker - a moot point, really. But if I was going to do it, that's how I'd go about it.
-Trevor
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
I've always thought it was in very poor taste to make a huge public spectacle out of proposing. It puts too much pressure on the woman, by making her feel that she'd be the 'bad guy' if she said no. I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a woman who only agreed to marry me because she was too uncomfortable to turn me down. Gee, how romantic.
I don't feel at all bad for the guy. He set himself up for the humiliation. That's what he gets for trying to put so much pressure on her.
I can't even imagine trying to propose to a woman whom I had not already discussed marriage with, and was certain that she wanted it. Maybe I'm just not romantic enough, but I have to think that's the sort of thing that should be discussed first. It shouldn't be a surprise. And it should never be a spectacle.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
When and where should always be a surprise.
But knowing she'll say yes shouldn't be.
-Trevor
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
MattB, that sounds exactly like something I would've done. The Wal-Mart, the parking lot, the balloons, and the Roscoe (though I would probably call him "Ros").
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Is there a website where a woman can list her engagement ring preferences? Hmmmmm... if not, that will be my next project. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
There is, Beren. Several, actually.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
"Guy would be lucky if I didn't kill him outright in front of all those witnesses."
<-- already a ghost in the machine, gender indeterminate
About the only circumstance for making a public proposal of engagement would be when there has been argument between the couple about the subject. ie The non-proposing partner has been making a fuss about getting married, and the proposing partner has been reticent. At worst, if the proposal's recipient rejects the offer, the recipient is only getting just revenge.
I can't see any difficulty in choosing the proper engagement ring prior to showing intent to become engaged either. However, in the interest of the romance of romance, I'm hesitant to reveal the how in public. I will say that it's one of the "once ya hear it, ya wanna kick yourself for not thinking of it yourself" kinda things.
[ August 05, 2004, 06:05 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The good:
There are jewelry stores, a national chain I believe, that will allow the man to return a ring within a given period of time, if he comes in with his fiance so she can choose.
This allows the woman the opportunity to flash a ring to everyone they meet immiediatly after the proposal.
The bad:
I had a very elaborate plan for my proposal to my future wife. It involved a whole evening of preparations. Then, a month before the date, while we were cuddling, she asked me.
I just saw all my planning going up in smoke. I admired the irony. I did the bad thing. I laughed.
She took it as the answer to her question.
We almost broke up over that.
Heck, she almost killed me over that.
The Gooder:
I did buy her a ring without getting her opinion. Not only did she love it, and still loves it, but everyone who's opinion she trusts also says its great.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Wow. Dan_raven. NOT SMART.
But it looks like your ring choicage was... You were the one with the star-ring story, right?
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
<---apparently an idiot
I proposed in front of the Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian. It was very public.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I'm not sure asking a woman for her ring preference always matters anyway.
Jes asked me long before he proposed what kind of ring I would want. We had previously agreed that we would have silver wedding bands one day (this was before we discovered titanium) so I said, "Get me one of those big, clunky colorful jewels set in sterling silver like they sell at Dillard's for $15 bucks. You know, like costume jewelry. Don't spend a lot because we'll need to save for the wedding ring anyway. Plus, they just look cooler." In my mind it would be more fun to flash a giant fake sapphire across the room than a little diamond, which I find kinda boring and ugly. I even helped by pointing out particularly interesting ones a couple of times.
Anyway, the big day came and the ring was a diamond set in gold. I didn't think much about the ring at the time, because I assumed it was fake, since we were both dirt-poor. I didn't care of course; it wasn't important at that moment. But he later took me into the jewelry store to have it sized and it was real! I am STILL baffled over that. He paid for it with cash. He had to have saved up for the entire length of our dating or something because we got married right out of high school and he didn't really have steady work at the time of his proposal. I haven't asked anything besides "Did you buy this yourself?" because...okay, this sounds weird. But it's like it's none of my business. Like asking too many questions about the ring would ruin what he must have sacrificed to get it for me. I mean, he never bought anything new the whole time we were dating, even when he was working. I just thought he was cheap! I mean, frugal.
But I still can't figure it out. Is it just a dude thing to want to spend more money or something? He's been demonstrating this need to get me expensive things even though I prefer the cheapy stuff, but I refuse to complain, because that would be stupid. I think I made my first mistake when I said to get a costume ring because it would be "cheaper". He must have thought I was settling to be nice.
A serious lesson I've had to learn is that I can not tell my husband that he "didn't have to spend that much" or that "I don't deserve it" because that, apparently, is a giant crusher. I've had to learn to be a gracious receiver.
Of course, this is also the guy that "treats" me to dinner at McDonald's.
Man, I love this guy.
Anyway, the ring doesn't match my wedding ring and it's too small now, but I keep it in a special place.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
quote:I proposed in front of the Hope Diamond at the Smithsonian.
Well that's just lose, lose, what ring will look good when you give it to your future wife in front of the hope dimond?
Hobbes
[ August 05, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
*sigh* A giant fake sapphire would.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Ok, just for clarification: any proposal or ring connected in any fashion to Wal-Mart is right out.
I've also been a fan of the "just suck it up and pick out a ring" philosophy. I think picking out a ring together is a bit silly. He's the one buying it for you, he should get what he thinks is nice. By then he should know you well enough to know if you've got any deep-seated hatred for emeralds. I have a friend whose now-husband proposed and gave her a gold and diamond ring that was shaped like a heart. She admitted it was a little tacky but thought it that much more endearing because her sweet boy picked it out for her. They're some of my favorite people.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
You know Annie, all the time we've been together I don't recall ever having a real heart-to-heart with you about emeralds.
Hobbes Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
If I had a problem with emeralds, it would have come up Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
You mean like it did right now?
Hobbes Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
PSI - nah, he just knows when someone is worth spending the money on.
-Trevor
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Geez, that poor guy! I wonder what happened between the two of them later.
My husband proposed in private, but he did pick out my ring all by himself. He took his sister along to help him. I have always loved it because I know that it came from his heart. It's a beautiful ring, so thankfully he has good taste!
space opera
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Any tech savvy female who is dating a geek, should simply keep an easy to access folder pictures of a variety of rings in various price ranges that you actually like on a computer or website. He might have to prowl around in the directory to find it but he needs to work a little! That way should the time come, he can easily figure out exactly what you like, without having to directly consult you.
I inacted this policy after a friend gave another friend a really crappy engagement ring. She thought it was beautiful, but considering the gems were loose and he'd just bought a big-screen TV for himself, I wanted to smack him back to his senses and go "This is how you appreciate her?!"
However I knew he really did love her so I held my peace.
AJ
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
Annie, I think a few helpful pointers would be nice if you haven't really ever looked at jewelry together. Funny, though...I gave Tom two pointers: I love etching/detail on the ring itself and not a tall setting and his idea of a tall setting and mine were very different.
*grin* That said, I absolutely adore my ring and am very proud that he picked it out himself and did such a great job! I haven't seen any like it anywhere.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
It was more fun to design matching wedding rings with my husband than to get an engagement ring. I got a card that had the proposal written in it, and a very blushing man giving it to me.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
While I normally think public proposals are silly, I have to admit the Hope diamond would be very very romantic. It's just not the same as a sporting event. Also, it would mean we were in the Smithsonian, in DC, which is one of my favorite places in the world.
*makes mental note to leave this lying around somewhere obvious whenever the subject comes up*
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
My father *luvs* sports. My mother could care less. (Though now she *hates* sports because it's like my Dad's "other lover".) He proposed to her at a BYU football game. Not particularly publicly. I just think it is kinda ironic and funny.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
When I proposed to Mary, I wanted to give her a ring as a token of my love to her. I din't want to write a check as a token of my love.
As a result, it was important to me that I pick out the ring and the stone. If she had picked it out herself, I would have just been giving her a check. The ring she wore came from me.
Either she really likes it, or has been amazing gracious about it for all these years. Either way, I love her for it.
[ August 05, 2004, 12:41 PM: Message edited by: mr_porteiro_head ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I agree that the guy should pick out the ring himself, but hints (hints a typical guy could pick-up... ) would mean less stress for the guy and it would also be nice for the girl whose going to be the one wearing this thing... well assuming she says yes of course (like that's not enough stress as is).
Hobbes Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Hints are good. The only one I gave Mr. Opera was, "I would never want a huge diamond ring because my ring finger is a size 4 and it would look stupid." Really, what man doesn't want to hear that his woman doesn't want a big old rock? Heck, that could be the reason he proposed.
space opera
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I must confess that I almost told Bob he should propose on Hatrack.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I think the way you slipped your finger size in their was masterful.
Hobbes Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
LOL. We still had to have the ring re-sized. A 4 was too big.
space opera
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I love the way Bob handled the ring thing. He brought a “temp” ring to propose with, and then we went ring shopping together. The ring we ended up with is nothing like anything I would have hinted for, and if he’d just gone by what I said about rings before we went shopping I never would have ended up with this one. In fact, it’s got a few of the features I said I absolutely didn’t want. But it was just obvious when we were looking at rings that this was “the one.” I love it. I love the guy that gave it to me, and the fact that we chose it together makes it even more special. And it absolutely does not feel like he was proposing by "writing a check."
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:I love the way Bob handled the ring thing. He brought a “temp” ring to propose with, and then we went ring shopping together.
*sniff* That's what I said above!! I think that's a great idea.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I'd love to get married at a red sox game. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
^ | | *Hint*
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Gee, Hobbes.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
These are the types of hints I'm talking about by the way.
[ August 05, 2004, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
I will be doing everything in my power to avoid wearing a wedding ring. I can't stand constricting things like that. Same with watches, bracelets, turtle neck sweaters. I'd lose the ring within a week. Dad never wore a ring and I plan on humbly following in his footsteps.
Who else is with me?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
That's okay. You can wear the flower over the other ear instead.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Hmmm, I notice that Annie's taste runs into the more delicate, light-colored, thin ring with less flashy decor. Hmmmmmmmmm.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Bob, my husband hated wearing his wedding ring for the first week. He said it bugged him constantly. Now he freaks if it's not on because it feels so weird.
space opera
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
In all of this thread I've only seen one story of the girl proposing to the guy... why is it on the guys head to make the proposal? Why does the guy have to do all the hard stuff... asking the girl out... proposing... getting the ring... I mean, in olden days it made a certain amount of sense... cause first the girl had no choice in the issue, then if she said yes she ended up doing a ton of the hard stuff later. But now that we're working toward men and womens equality... why not equality in things like this?
Yeah, if I ever get married, there's no way I'm wearing the wedding ring. Jewlery on other people often makes me feel sick inside and repulses me from them. There's no way in heck that I'm wearing any. My dad is the same way. He's never worn his wedding ring for as long as I can remember.
[ August 05, 2004, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: Alcon ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
/Insert rant about diamonds having a +deltaG and therefor being thermochemically unstable and the DeBeers corrupt monopoly here.
AJ
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
<Insert appreciative comment about non-diamond engagement ring here.>
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I bought K's ring in a Wendy's parking lot. I got a great deal on it.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
Future husband - If you so happen to ever come across this thread, I give you permission and encouragement to propose to me in a grand romantic way....in public. Ok, that is all.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote: In all of this thread I've only seen one story of the girl proposing to the guy... why is it on the guys head to make the proposal? Why does the guy have to do all the hard stuff... asking the girl out... proposing... getting the ring... I mean, in olden days it made a certain amount of sense... cause first the girl had no choice in the issue, then if she said yes she ended up doing a ton of the hard stuff later. But now that we're working toward men and womens equality... why not equality in things like this?
I have my own theories about this, but I'm not sure how much I want to get into it. Thinking about it.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
quote: Jewlery on other people often makes me feel sick inside and repulses me from them. There's no way in heck that I'm wearing any.
Consider it. It's your choice of course, but it is a nice guesture (sp?) that you are willing to show the world that you are no longer available, not to mention willing to do something that bugs you for someone you love.
I mean, if it makes you violently ill, then don't do it. Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I picked out my own engagement ring without Andrew's presence. My grandmother collects antique jewelry and she sent me a velvet bag full of engagement rings. It was surreal. I chose this one: http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/kira_marx/detail?.dir=/e208&.dnm=37c7.jpg It was made in 1890 and has the original stones. It's one of the first rings to be made with a Tiffany setting. Andrew insisted on paying for it, even though my grandmother wanted to just give it to him. He wanted it to be from him.
He proposed in Riverside Park, where we went on our first date. It was very romantic and private.
BTW, don't forget that jewelry is NOT covered under your renters' or homeowners' insurance - you have to purchase a separate rider for it.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
quote: Well that's just lose, lose, what ring will look good when you give it to your future wife in front of the hope dimond?
lol hobbes, I was thinking the same thing
I have always wondered about this subject as well...though I am single and will likely not have to worry about it for a while (to my mother's dismay...she is ready for grandkids) it is something I have thought about. How to know when to ask...and what ring to get. It can be rather nerve racking for a guy. LOL, maybe that is why some guys put the presure of a public proposal on the girl...they figure that since they have had tons of stress, the girl should have some to.
Though I am rather sure I will do it in private.
My parents said they both knew they would get married a while before my dad actually proposed. It was one of those things that after a few months they knew that this was it. I guess they were right since they are still married 28 years later. Maybe it will be easy for me as well...I just have not found anyone that I could live with for the rest of my life. I guess finding the correct ring would be easy compared to finding the person. Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
quote:Why does the guy have to do all the hard stuff... asking the girl out... proposing... getting the ring...
Because the woman still has to give birth, no matter what society says.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Because the timing was typically up to the man, because the girl is ready as soon as she's hit puberty, but the guy needed to "get the family farm" first, so to speak. The guy did actively things - went out in the world, had adventures - and the girl sat around and looked pretty and passively waited for someone to notice her.
You can tell what I think about that.
That was the original meaning. Now...I think it's because social dynamics are weird and messy enough as it is, and life is just easier if everyone's working from the same playbook.
[ August 05, 2004, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
katie and annie: Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
My (future) wife and I were sitting on a kid's playground at the Orem Rec Center one evening when she kind of let me know that maybe we could go ring shopping.
That was one of the happiest moments of my life. It was very uncomfortable to sit on the metal mesh of the playground for two hours as we talked. But I felt like dancing around and singing because at last I knew she wanted to marry me. I drove home that night singing at the top of my lungs in the car.
We picked out the ring together a week later. I went back and bought it on my own, and set up a nice date in which we ate at the Bombay House and then drove up to Aspen Grove on Mt. Timpanogos, which is where we met.
In the trunk I had brought my guitar and a couple of champagne glasses and a bottle of sparkling cider. I played her a love song that I wrote especially for her, and then we toasted each other with the cider. Then we hiked a little way up a hillside trail to a place we had visited before, a little clearing filled with young ferns. I got out the ring and I proposed to her there.
It wasn't a surprise, but I tried hard to make it romantic and special. I think it worked pretty well. We both have fond memories of that evening, and really, it went perfectly.
Posted by Vána (Member # 6593) on :
When Dan and I were dating, we decided long before he proposed that we would get married. And of course we talked about rings. We even looked at a couple of jewely stores together. We decided that we'd go with white gold instead of yellow. And I told him that I really, really liked oval cuts.
He took his best friend with him shopping. I knew he was going, because why on earth else would the two of them be going into Chicago and not inviting me?
When he did finally propose...well, I won't go into the whole story of what a jerk I was to him the whole afternoon before, 'cause that's not what this thread is about. It's about rings. The ring that he had chose for me is set in yellow gold, and the diamond is princess cut(square, for those of you who don't know these terms)!
I love it, of course, and he told me that when he saw it it just reminded him of me and he knew it was perfect - and it was already the right size. But, I'll admit, I was surprised. Not quite what I'd thought we'd agreed on! Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Ron signed ever card he ever gave me the whole time we dated just like this:
quote:Will you marry me?
-Ron
My friends read one late in the year my last year in college, and gasped. "So, are you engaged now?"
Me: No. He always says that.
Friends: *rolleyes* *knowing look* We need to have a talk about men, Olivia.
I'm slow. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I already knew what cut she liked and what setting she preferred. I bought an unset diamond from a wholesale merchant. He came to my office and spread about a dozen diamonds on my desk in the cut and size I was interested in. He had me remove any that didn't appeal to me at all and then started comparing them all against each other - size, color, clarity, etc.
After I decided, I got the money together, but we had trouble meeting up again to make the transaction. I ended up meeting him in a Wendy's parking lot on my way to the airport where I was flying out to meet Kristine in DC. This is known as "cutting it close".
If you are proposing and know of a wholesaler, you can get a much better diamond for less money than you will ever, ever get in a chain jewelry store. The markup in those places is obscene.
[ August 05, 2004, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: zgator ]
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Awwww. Poor guy.
On the guy proposing thing, I think a lot of it is society. It is hard to say how much. But in my own observations, females seem to be more responsive to being "wooed" than men are. Sure, men love to be wooed by a woman they are already interested in, but I think a woman is more likely to "come around" to a guy she has never thought of in a romantic light before. Worked for me anyway. More than once.
Guys in general seem like they don't like to be "chased" by girls. They seem to think it is tacky.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
rivka, can you give me a couple of links. I want to check to see if someone I know has a preference. Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Unfortunately Bev, there is a fine line between wooing and stalking.
And that fine line is a matter of perspective.
I look like a thug and I've always been worried about trying to interact with women because I'm afraid I will give the wrong impression.
So I'm particularly adept at wooing, but I certainly don't object to being asked out - at least I know she's interested.
Of course, I have been accused of being overly analytical from time to time.
-Trevor
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I agree about that fine line. I have joked that if a girl likes a guy, he is wooing her. If she doesn't like him, he is stalking! But I think it is more complicated than that. If a guy is acting in a way that is determined and yet healthy, he is more likely to be taken as a "woo-er". (Makin' up words on the spot.) If he is acting desperate and has no self respect, he is more likely to be taken as a stalker.
Learning to be great at wooing is not a bad thing. Shame it had to come at such a price though. (Feeling that women will be intimidated or frightened by your appearance.)
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
In high school, I won a couple of small art contests and got my picture in the paper. Some guy I didn't know called me. He wasn't very articulate, but I wasn't rude.
Then, he walked 6miles to my house, arriving just as we were going to church on Wednesday night. So we took him with us, and drove him home afterward. My parents and I had been very polite to him, but inside I was wondering what they thought. I was hoping they didn't like him too much, because it was a little creepy for me.
Then, as we pulled out of his parent's driveway, my papa started singing "Froggy Went A-Courting" in his impressive tenor. That's when I realized I had the best parents In THe World. Protective of me, but sensitive to the feelings of the strange, obsessive types I seemed to draw. I knew they would never let me be in danger, but I also knew they would be kind to my stalkers. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
That is ~~so~~ cool. Reminds me of something Ender's parents would do. What can a guy do? You are irresistable.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
I dunno. I think I was just the right mix of cute and friendly/approachable. If I'd been really gorgeous, I bet I would have had fewer incidents of weirdness. Like, this one guy in my art class was all upset because a girl wouldn't go out with him. A girl he was sure God had told him was the one for him. I got shifted to his table (in one of those teacher-trying-to-make-class-behave-by-splitting-up-friends moves), and sort of got the story out of him. Tried to tell him it wasn't the end of the world (the girl in question was an aquiantance of mine, who, erm, didn't even like guys-- didn't tell HIM that, of course).
Nextthing I know, he's following me from the lunchroom to my locker, then my locker to my class, etc. Not talking, just...following. *shudder* I stopped and wakled the other way, so did he.
Me: What are you DOING? Him: I'm courting you. Me: *goes about her business, ignoring her 6' 7" 90 lb. shadow*
He even stayed after school, knowing I had an extra curricular. I knew he would be there afterthe extracurricular, so I had freshman buddy walk me to locker on the excuse that it was broken (Stalker Boy would probably have been better able to fix the locker, had it been broken, than Sweet, Short Freshman). I was so grateful, I gave Sweet Freshman a ride home (3 or 4 blocks).
From then on, Sweet Freshman was in love with me, but him I didn't mind so much. We were friends, and I just pretended not know he liked me (and pretended I didn't like him, because he was freakin' 14 for crying out loud, and I was 17. I mean, it's always good to date people on the same side of puberty as you).
Sorry to ramble. When I was young, I picked up stalkers like shaggy dog picks up fleas, so I think of myself as something of an expert on being a stalkee.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote: because he was freakin' 14 for crying out loud, and I was 17. I mean, it's always good to date people on the same side of puberty as you
That is a cute story. Maybe they could sense that even if you wouldn't return their adoration, you wouldn't squash 'em either.
He definitely qualifies as the desperate with no self-respect type. I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
When Ron and I married, our first appartment turned out to be in the delivery area for a Dominoes Pizza franchise that Sweet Freshman was, by then, manager of.
He was covering for a delivery guy who didn't show one night, which is how I found out. After that, he'd always cut us a deal on pizza, or send 2 liter sodas we hadn't asked for. He even got me a bunch of pizzas for an office party really cheap. Even called us when they had undelivered or unpaid for pizza to give away.Ron liked him, even though he still seemed to be crushing on me a little.
Ron'll put up with a lot when free pizza is involved. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Wow! That is one dedicated stalker! I find myself wondering about this magical magnetism you possess that turns strange, forlorn males into your willing slaves.
Wanna share your secret?
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Why else would I be taking notes?
Good post, CT Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
--I--
*mutter*
Sara, we gotta talk more, my friend. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
That was so sweet CT! I love how intimately you know your friends! You pick up on the subtle details that really make magic happen. If only we could all see ourselves through your eyes. Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
quote: Because the woman still has to give birth, no matter what society says.
Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I read it out loud to me husband and he cracked up. He said in a whiney, girly voice:
"Giving birth is against our rights! The man should have to do it!"
Then in his own voice, "Too bad!"
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How many of these did you want?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I like being courted. I think it's all about the desperation in the voice. If you can sense the desperation, then it's stalking. If he's self-confident - has good points and knows it - then it's because he's noticed you, and if he's patient and doesn't push, then it's courting. And it's effective.
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
Annie has good taste.
Actually, I really like this style (that Annie linked to), partly because I've always been a fan of white gold or silver rather than gold.
'Course, I'm not getting married before I'm 27, so maybe I better save this thread to leave lying around then.
[ August 05, 2004, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: tt&t ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
The first time I was engaged - RIGHT after my mission - I had a very clear idea of what I wanted. Simple, gold, with a little filligree, a sapphire in the center, and three little marquis diamonds arranged like a fan along the side. Jim and I went to the jewelry store and there they had a diamond that had been colored - it was gorgeous. A deep blue-green - I've never seen that color in a gem stone before or since. Jim designed the ring, and it was perfect.
I never wore it - called it before he gave it to me - and this is a good thing because I am tremendously, tremendously glad I didn't marry him, but a very shallow part of me still misses the ring. Is that terrible? The problem is that it was the perfect ring - it's still the design and style I like best, and now I can't have it. I'm going to have to come up with something different. Dagnabbit. I liked that one.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Not shallow at all.
Although perhaps a sad commentary on the guy in question.
-Trevor
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Ah, the string of broken hearts in my dear Katie's wake! I wonder how they can manage without her!
Katies is the kind of girl that guys lose capacity for rational thought around. At least at first, until they realize how darling and sweet she is. They fall for her @$$ over teakettle. It isn't her fault, really.
When the right man comes along and woos her heart, he will be the object of much envy, I'm sure.
P.S. CT is too kind, but I love her. And don't let her fool you-- she's every bit as gorgeous and magnetic as she claims I am. And more eloquent, to boot. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote: but a very shallow part of me still misses the ring. Is that terrible?
This is horrible for me to say, but I feel the same way about my first engagement ring. I did, after all, pick it out myself. It was all gold, it "swirled" a bit, and had a textured portion.
Porter picked out the one he gave me. While it is not one I would have picked out myself, it is a gorgeous tasteful ring and I love him for doing such a good job picking it out. To this day I get compliments on this ring! Platinum, round cut, six-prong, diamond in the center with two smaller bezel set diamonds on the side with a simple gold accent on either side. Simple, elegant, beautiful.
And the center diamond itself he hand picked. It has a fire and clarity to it that is amazing.
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why is it on the guys head to make the proposal? Why does the guy have to do all the hard stuff... asking the girl out... proposing... getting the ring... I mean, in olden days it made a certain amount of sense... cause first the girl had no choice in the issue, then if she said yes she ended up doing a ton of the hard stuff later. But now that we're working toward men and womens equality... why not equality in things like this?![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
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