1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damned floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hey?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone ! asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumass?
I loved this....
Kwea
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I liked it except for the profanity. I think they could have made their point without having to use profanity.
Farmgirl
Posted by Chris Warrent (Member # 5549) on :
just another Maddox knock-off Maddox has the best page in the universe
[ July 26, 2004, 10:37 PM: Message edited by: Chris Warrent ]
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
I didn't even notice the swears, to tell you the truth...I was laughing too hard.
I kept imagining it being read out loud by Bill Murry...or even better, by the guy from Mail Call...
Or Dennis Miller.
Maddux? The pitcher? ???
[ July 26, 2004, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Kwea ]
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
I'm totally guilty of asking people in advance if I can ask them a question. In my defense, I work with a lot of grad students who are often busy doing complicated things. I need to know if they can take a moment and think about a question of mine. If I just ask the question, they can get frustrated because they suddenly have to divide their attention. Somehow I need to let them know I need to bother them, but not with something that will make them think.
Other times (online), I think I do it just to make sure i'll get an immediate response. Writing a question and waiting 10 minutes for the person to return to their screen to answer is annoying.
Posted by Chris Warrent (Member # 5549) on :
If you liked Kwea's thing, and you can get past extreme profanity, Maddox is pretty halarious.
If your easily offended or sensitive at all, I'd avoid the site. Nothing Graphic, just some harsh words, if you can't swallow the jokes.
[ July 26, 2004, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: Chris Warrent ]
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
That is why I liked it so much...I have either seen or done all of those behaviors, they come up all the time.
I thought it sounded like something I wished I had said more than once... Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
We have 5 tv remotes, and they're the only way to do a lot of things with the DVR we got. If all of them are missing than you'd better bet they're more important than whatever mindless show I'm watching.
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Kwea, those are the perfect away messages.
Posted by FoolishTook (Member # 5358) on :
quote:1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
I don't think people point at their wrists intentionally. It's a subconscious thing. I make the stupidest gestures when talking, and I never notice it until someone points it out.
Anyway, if this is all a person can complain about when it comes to other people, lucky them.
Posted by Chris Warrent (Member # 5549) on :
The wrist-watch point has been engraved in all our minds scince the beginning of education. We all point and mouth "what time is it" to classmates to see how much class-time there is left to endure.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
whenever someone asks me if they can ask me a question I just say "You just did" the confused looks I get are rather amusing. One girl then said "then can I ask you another question" to which I said "again, you just did" Finally she said can I ask you two questions, so I said yes. Posted by Happy Camper (Member # 5076) on :
I've never had the "did you see that?" problem. But I have had a lot of people ask me things about movies and TV shows, during the airing, which I couldn't possibly know. For instance, if someone new comes on screen, and hasn't been introduced, they'll ask me who that is, or what's happening, in a scene where it's fairly obvious that you aren't supposed to know yet. That kinda bugs me.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
2. It makes perfectly good sense to spend time looking for the remote instead of changing the channel. If you look for the remote, you don't have to KEEP getting up at every commercial. DUH.
3. Having your cake and eating it too refers to a person trying to have their cake even AFTER they have eaten it. In my opinion, the phrase should be, "You just want to eat your cake and still have it." But that doesn't have the same ring.
6. How is "Can I ask you a question" somehow more rude than just walking up and asking it? Are you supposed to tug on their sleeves and make a big question mark sign in the air?
Just MY view.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Lupus, that's asking for a wedgie. Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
"Did you see that??" = "Do you realize what that means!" or "that was so cool!" or "Just imagine the implications!"
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Could be me, but this just sounds like a tired rant from an unoriginal crank. While profanity doesn't particularly bother me, crudeness does (the two are not interchangeable). George Carlin could do it so much better, and has.
It could be funny without the attitude. Here's my version:
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. International sign language for "I forgot my own watch without which I cannot accurately measure the interval on the nonspatial contiuum between my last known measurement and now, and I'm afraid I'll miss Fear Factor." Me, I smile back and point to my elbow.
2. People who will spend hours searching the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually. It's fun to sit back and suggest places to look, capitalizing on their rapidly increasing insecurity to see how much of the room they're willing to tear apart. "Have you looked behind the electrical sockets?"
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." No, I prefer to collect my cake and sit in front of it, adoringly. Or I want to eat it without having it, which is trickier and involves applied solipsism, and a waterproof bungee cord.
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look." Not me, I continue searching. The first one may have been a ruse of some kind. However, oozing boils are, in fact, always in the last place you feel.
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No, I was concentrating on this excellent popcorn and not watching the movie at all. Thank you, sir, for showing me the way! Alternate answer, "No, I interpreted the event through the vibrations under my feet."
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" The proper answer is, "Apparently." I usually provide my pricing structure at this point.
7. When something is 'new and improved!' This is inaccurate. Either it's new and unimproved, or it's old and improved. Or else the improvement is new. Maybe the newness is an improvement over the older model. Personally I'd be more impressed if, instead of telling me how great the new and improved model is, they just put a little box that explains why the last version sucked.
8. When people say "life is short." Not if you stand on one foot the whole time.
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" I always helpfully answer "yes." That way they'll become discouraged and leave and I won't run the chance of sitting next to such an idiot on the bus.
[ August 02, 2004, 04:13 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
I like Chris's version better! Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Another thing it's interesting is a person trying something, it tasting horribly, and saying to a friend, "This is AWFUL! You try it."
This human experience was played out this weekend at a restaurant with me and six friends. Three of us got mashed potatoes with our dinner orders. The mashed potatoes were...the most nasty tasting things any of us had ever had.
Naturally, we made our friends try it one by one, using peer pressure to make the hold outs cave in.
They all agreed. Nasty.
We flagged down our server. We explained the situation and wondered if they used something wierd in the recipe. She goes to check, reports back that nope, they use potatoes, butter, sour cream and cream cheese.
Someone says, "Here, you want to try?"
She says okay. Tries it.
We immediately offered her a drink and she went to go tell the kitchen to take mashed potatoes off the menu.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
mack, when you are married, it's much worse. I've been asked numerous times to 'smell this' or 'taste this' for all manner of food products. Apparently I'm the identifier of spoiled milk/cold cuts/and so on.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Whadja expect? The Tick is indestructable.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Comic genius! Where did you get this? I could so see that guy, can't remember his name, but last name Black, saying this. You know, the guy who is always ticked off at everything?
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Lewis Black.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Yeah! That's the guy.
You understand my plight, if I googled "Black" and "Comedian", I would have had to sift through a lot to find the info I was seeking.
[ August 02, 2004, 06:53 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]
Posted by Puppy (Member # 6721) on :
Number 4 is really weird.
quote:When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
Yeah, dude. THAT'S the JOKE. That's WHY people say it. Sheesh.
I love comedy that has a really superior attitude, yet is stupider than the people it's mocking ... Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
quote:Could be me, but this just sounds like a tired rant from an unoriginal crank.
Exactly. Not a bit of this is original, and most of it is just copping an attitude for the sake of copping an attitude. None of it is worth getting worked up over.
quote:Or Dennis Miller.
This is waaaay beneath Dennis Miller. I mean the writing, not the sentiments. Dennis Miller may agree with part or all of this piece, but he would be a lot more clever and literary (not to mention a lot more profane) in expressing the sentiments himself.
quote:Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
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