Okay, for the past 18 years, my life has totally revolved around my kids.
For this week, two of my kids are in Minnesota for a work mission, and the other kid decided to go stay with his dad for the week.
I'm lost. The house is quiet. I can get tons of stuff done but it just feels so weird...
Suggestions for how I should spend my week? (besides working, of course...)
Farmgirl
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Read.
Sleep.
Take the opportunity to go to a movie with friends, or something else you never manage to do.
Enjoy the peace and quiet! They'll be home soon.
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
Hmm...tough one. You could throw a party, since they're not at home. Ops...you're the mother...well...then...what does mothers do to enjoy themselves? Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Well, if I had a guy.......
Farmgirl
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
. . . you'd be asking him for advice, instead of us?
O:)
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
5 lbs of Blue Bunny Moose Tracks ice cream, a fifth of Jamacian Rum and the entire Harry Potter & LotR DVD franchise from Blockbuster.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Hmmm. some pretty good ideas there Dan -- especially the ice cream and movies (I don't drink alcohol). However, if I want to LOSE weight before KamaCon.....
FG
Posted by Insanity Plea (Member # 2053) on :
Bask in the glory of a temperary empty-nester, enjoy the taste of freedom that you shall feel in a little while longer. And worry, worry that your children aren't having a good time, worry that they aren't eating well.
And then remember that you brought them up well and bask in the glory of a long job finally well done.
Go to the park, take a hike, sleep in, indulge yourself in some little fantasy. Or you can just sleep. Satyagraha
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
What I did in a similar situation was celebrate by wildly altering my sleep-wake cycle. What you need is booze and friends and also some good computer games. Oh, and easily-prepared food. Start staying out late with friends and then going home and staying up late playing games. You can get some Totino's pizza so these precious activities are not unduly infringed upon by cooking time. Sleep during the day, party by night!
At least one night staying up talking about philosophy with your equally-unphilosphy-educated friends is necessary. All night, I mean. Also, don't wash the dishes or even clothes if you have to.
Rinse and repeat.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
I was alone in the house all weekend and celebrated by playing music much louder than normal and wandering around in various states of undress. There's also nothing quite so liberating as peeing with the bathroom door open. It just feels so wrong.
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
Bob! I was also alone all weekend at home and I agree with you! The "various state of undress" and the "bathroom" thing! Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I live by myself, and I haven't opened the blinds in months. It simply isn't practical.
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
INVITE a man over? I mean... it sounds like you want one
Other then that, take a nice long luxurious bath. Go out on the town dancing or something else you enjoy.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote: playing music much louder than normal and wandering around in various states of undress
Now THIS I can do! I don't even have to worry about pepping Toms because I have no neighbors..
Hmmm... I wonder what it would be like to use the riding lawn mower in the nude.....
FG
Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :
quote: I live by myself, and I haven't opened the blinds in months. It simply isn't practical.
When I had a single room at school, I did the same thing. I mean, I could put on pants, but that would take effort--not only finding the pants but putting them on, and then I'd feel obligated to wear a shirt (because pants and no shirt feels stupid to me). At that point, I might as well open the blinds to let some light in, and even take a walk while I'm at it. All that when I could've just watched some TV in my underpants.
The slippery slope begins with pants-wearing. Now I wear clothes all the time, and just look at me, a productive member of society! Gads.
[/tounge-in-cheek]
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
"Hmmm... I wonder what it would be like to use the riding lawn mower in the nude....."
Well, never tried THAT... but I do enjoy nude sunbathing on my parents back yard lawn when I'm there and no one else is home.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
I could ask my husband. He's out raking hay in a hat and boots.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Well, I've decided there are too many mosquitoes to try to do anything outside in any state of undress.
Besides, my mom is still at home with me (I support her). Even though we don't interact much and she pretty much stays in her room lots of the time. She was already asleep for the night at 7 PM last night.
I could think of lots of things to do if I wanted to spend money -- but sent most of my cash with the kids on their Minnesota trip..
Farmgirl
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Dead_Horse -- I've gotta visit your farm someday....
FG
Posted by maui babe (Member # 1894) on :
I find myself in the same situation for this summer. My younger children always spend the summer on the mainland with their dad, but I've always had my older daughter with me, so I've never been completely alone before. But she moved back to the mainland on July 8 to prepare for her wedding (and to be with her fiance - silly girl ) and I've been all alone since then...
It's been weird, I've never ever lived alone before. I moved from my mother's home into a dormitory for 6 months, then into my husband's home. And when he left, I had 6 children. It's been kind of eerie, and a taste of things to come, I imagine, when all of my children are gone (in about 5 years ).
Every day when I get off work, I realize that I don't have to go home, that there's no one there waiting for me, and I try to think of what I'd rather do. I always end up going home anyway.
I keep telling myself that it's only until August 13, and I can handle it, right?
I joined Netflix, but my DVD player's getting squirrelly. And I went to the library and got a bunch of books. I had a friend spend last weekend with me and we went up to watch the sunrise on Haleakala (which I've never done since I moved here 3 years ago). I'm also finishing up a couple of craft projects and preparing to go to the mainland for my daughter's wedding. I'm writing a family history/cookbook for a wedding present (it's what she asked for) and that's been kind of fun.
[ July 26, 2004, 02:49 PM: Message edited by: maui babe ]
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
Thats what I'm asking my mom to do for me at some point... thanks for a great idea, Maui Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Read, and eat whatever you want, knowing no one will ask you for some of your treat.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
My grandmother did that - we have a cookbook of recipes and all the memories associated with each one. I love it.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Reheat some of the fresh catfish from last night. Put on some smoky blues or folk ballads from a favorite performer. Mix a glass of your favorite concoction (alchoholic or not*) and curl up with a really good book.
I love to have time alone to just do what I wanna do. I never have a problem finding a way to enjoy the solitude.
*Note on a great non-alchoholic mix, 1/3 Beefamato juice, 2/3 Spicy V8, liberal splashes of worcestershire sauce and a coule of dashes of celery salt. Yum, Yum!
Posted by maui babe (Member # 1894) on :
When my children were small and money was tight, I used to do daycare for 4 extra school aged children. I had (at that time) 5 of my own, aged newborn to 8 years, 4 extras after school, my two teenaged sisters-in-law plus whatever friends they brought over after school, my mother and father-in-law and the parents of the four children I babysat dropping around to pick them up every afternoon... and I lived in a 1000 sq foot house with one bathroom. I literally used to fantasize about what it would be like to be alone. Not forever, just for a few days because I was NEVER alone, even for a minute.
To take a bath without someone knocking on the door. Or to read a book or watch TV without distractions. To eat whatever I wanted, without worrying about whether I could afford 8-10 servings.
I always knew that this day would come, but I didn't expect it this soon.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Trust me FG, you DON'T want to see it!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Things to do when Home Alone:
Write Take long baths with sweet-smelling oils and candles Write Take long walks in Nature Write Watch all the movies you've wanted to see Make gourmet dinners Go out to honky-tonks or nightclubs or their equivalent Write...
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Errr... Jenny ? I think you forgot: 'Write'...
By the way, thank you all. Now I officially know how my parents must have felt after me and my brother came to France to study...
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Even better, go to the craft store, pick up an aromatherapy bath stuff kit, make something that smells divine and steep yourself in it.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Well, the farm is nice, it's just that the farmer tends to drive people away...
Mmmm...eating good stuff and not having to share.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
I'm soooo glad you brought this up, Farmgirl. Nathan will be away for a WHOLE week the beginning of August and I am already panicking.
It doesn't help that he is not home this evening, either. Spur of the moment - oh, by the way, the care provider decided it was a nice day for a dayhike at 1:00 PM. He'll be back around 8:00 which leaves me two hours to fill.
I could:
Plant all the plants I just bought last Sunday- but wouldn't that be working after a full day's work . . . ?
Eat more toast with butter rather than a real dinner. Heck - I could get really naughty and have brown sugar on my toast. *Is excited*
I could spend the next two hours on Hatrack . . .
Gee.
Life sure offers tough choices.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Well, here's what I did for evening alone #1:
Mowed.
But that is good -- because I got a lot done and was using my "new" spiffy lawn mower, so it was fun.
Now, I can go in there and take a nice long bubble bath (from your suggestions above! I would never have thought of it....) With no one knocking on the bathroom door telling me to hurry up...
Jenny -- writing! Wow! I haven't written for pleasure since... since... before kids! What an idea!
punwit -- your concoction sounds, um, interesting (and like heartburn waiting to happen). And you will kill me for this -- but I don't like catfish! I love bass and crappie and almost every other fish, but not catfish. I throw 'em back..
Farmgirl
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I nice balance of productive fun and fun for fun's sake.
Enjoy the bubbles!
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
It took me one summer to get used to living alone. Of course I'm not really alone because I have cats. They are excellent company. But there are lots of great things to do when you have no other humans around.
I like to sit and watch the birds and squirrels eat at the feeders. There's something fascinating about it. Reading is very high on the list. Knitting, too. Listening to music that you appreciate and nobody else does. Playing an instrument and singing when there are no critics to overhear. Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*bump* for my dobie
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Man, I wish I could send my kids away for a week! No fair!
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
bev -- I thought that exact thought for many many years. Especially all those years that their dad chose to NOT have visitation at all. There was absolutely no down time; 24/7. It is good that they are almost grown now...
Farmgirl
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*quietly* bev, I'll trade you.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
< -- *keeps mowing lawn. Fights urge to go find a man...* Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Hmmmm, a trade, eh? How old are your kids, Rivka? (Or is there just one? I can't remember....)
Farmgirl: Someday, someday....
You know, if we didn't have kids, we might actually try to make it to Kamacon. But having kids just makes things way too complicated and expensive. I'm feeling bitter.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I have three, and they are 10, 7, and 4.
But that's not what I meant. I meant, I would gladly go back to never getting weekends kidfree.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Ahhhhh. Gotcha. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I think I would also dislike it if I *had* to give up my kids every-other weekend or so. Having no choice in the matter.... that would be sad.
I do, however, wish I had a "magic babysitter" who would willingly take the kids whenever I wanted. For instance, if someone were willing to take the oldest two for a week, I could consider Kamacon.... But there is another part of me that can't bear to be away from them so long. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ok, I'm still not being clear. Probably because this is not the most comfortable of subjects for me.
No, getting the weekends kidfree is sometimes the only way I cope. I need that time to rest and recharge. I am amazed and humbled by single moms like Farmgirl and Shan who manage without that.
But I would give quite a lot -- certainly including those undemanding weekends of quiet -- to not have gotten divorced.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*hugs rivka*
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Oh. Sorry for misunderstanding you--and being rather clumsy about it. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*hugs kat* Thanks. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
It's ok, beverly. I was vague and easy to misunderstand.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
(((rivka))))
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
(((rivka)))
I have it much easier now, rivka. My ex (oh, s'cuse me, "former" spouse) cleaned up his act well enough to take Nathan on a regular basis - which so far has been limited to a very occasional overnight (maybe once per month) and a couple of times a week afterschool.
Next week, we are trying a small summer vacation for four nights and five days with Nathan and Dad.
Wish me luck.
Posted by maui babe (Member # 1894) on :
Thanks, Rivka. I was kind of uncomfortable with Beverly's "no fair" comment too, although I understood the feeling.
Not being with your children sucks in a big way, even though there are some short term benefits.
And divorce sucks even more. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Sorry, that was insensitive of me. I didn't think of it that way. I was mostly trying to be funny, maybe look at the positive side....
Posted by maui babe (Member # 1894) on :
Of course, and when I was in your situation I often said very similar things.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote: I have it much easier now, rivka. My ex (oh, s'cuse me, "former" spouse) cleaned up his act well enough to take Nathan on a regular basis - which so far has been limited to a very occasional overnight (maybe once per month) and a couple of times a week afterschool.
Oh, yay! Good for him! Wonderful for your son (kids need both parents, whenever that is at all feasible)! And a bit of a break for you, which is good. Almost all moms of small kids do the non-stop-without-a-break thing; single moms too often get to do it without backup.
(And if we're not supposed to refer to 'em as "ex"es, I have some other choice phrases . . . )
quote: Next week, we are trying a small summer vacation for four nights and five days with Nathan and Dad.
Wish me luck.
A very sincere good luck to all the parties.
quote: Thanks, Rivka. I was kind of uncomfortable with Beverly's "no fair" comment too, although I understood the feeling.
Not being with your children sucks in a big way, even though there are some short term benefits.
And divorce sucks even more.
So true. And I've been on the other side. I remember, about six years ago, when a friend of mine got divorced and lost custody of her son (after a long and ugly battle), with only visitation a couple times a week. I was very sympathetic to her anguish -- but also a tiny bit jealous that she could easily attend evening classes that I couldn't find a sitter for.
And on a tangentially related note, I have chosen my current soundtrack: Reba McEntire's I'm a Survivor
quote: The one who oughta give up But she`s just too hard headed A single mom who works two jobs who loves her kids and never stops With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter I`m a survivor
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