Hatrack River Forum: Introspection

This is topic Introspection in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

In another thread I said something casually about myself that got me thinking. (Yeah this is an introspection thread so it is Me, Me, Me.)

The relevant quotes:

Me:

quote:
And bev, I'm afraid there are Always going to be more immature people than mature people out there, which leaves me quite cynical at times, even though I'm generally an optimst.

Is cynical optimist an oxymoron?

AJ

Hobbes:

quote:
Maybe that's true AJ, but even so, I don't think you're one of them, I think you rock!

Hobbes

(Hobbes while trying to be nice makes it sound like a cynical optimist is an undesirable thing, and I'm not sure it is)

bev's response:

quote:
Hmmm, is it possible to be cynical and optomistic at the same time? I guess so. I think part of it is that you approach a situation cautiously, but when you are given reason to trust, you trust deeply. Just thinking aloud here.

So I started thinking. I try to be compassionate, but I have very little patience in others for lack of planning ahead. I don't mean planning every little eventuality, and there are things that happen that can never be forseen. But if there is a history or pattern of X happening and someone says but it will be different this time and I'll end up at Z, I'm extremely skeptical. I will root for them and cheer them on because I want them to suceed, but deep down if it doesn't happen I'm not horribly surprised. I'll give more credit to that person, than the person who doesn't even acknowledge that X has happened in the past and might happen again. They don't even think to realize that it has happened more than once in the first place.I have very low tolerance for those kinds of people.

So what does this have to do with me being a cynical optimist? Well I want to believe the person will end up at Z, but if they get there I will be very surprised. And most of the time I'll hold their hand and let them cry on my shoulder when they end up at X, and try not to say I told you so.

Make sense?

AJ

[ June 25, 2004, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Realism often looks like cynicism, but I think cynicism is characterized by a lack of hope. So, it would be an oxymoron. But a realistic optimist is eminently possible, and I think that does fit you. [Smile]

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :

Good thought, Kat. [Smile]

Posted by kerinin (Member # 4860) on :

quote:
I try to be compassionate

and

quote:
I will root for them and cheer them on because I want them to suceed

it seems like in this situation true compassion would be in confronting the person. isn't the highest rung in the heirarchy of giving to give someone the ability to make/do something him/herself?

i guess i just feel like complete and brutal honesty is always the best policy in the long run.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Always? Even when you're fairly certain that they won't be able to hear you, and that all you'll be doing is destroying the relationship and/or hurting them?

How is that the best thing?

Sometimes honesty -- even brutal honesty -- is the right and necessary thing, even in touchy situations. Sometimes it's not. Part of being a good friend, and a mature adult, is learning how to distinguish between the two. Knowing what issues ARE important enough to you to risk the relationship; which times the hard truth can be heard, and how to deliver it; and when the best thing you can do is watch someone you care about do potentially self-destructive things, and just be there for them if they fall.

Anyway, I think kat hit the nail on the head. [Smile]

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

quote:
i guess i just feel like complete and brutal honesty is always the best policy in the long run

I think you should rethink that policy. While you may like having brutal honesty shot at you, I refuse to accept that that's the correct method all the time or even most of the time.

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

Grin, and the funny thing is, that I know I have a tendency towards the brutally honest direction even though I try to moderate it! I actually thought my stuff up above might have been too far that direction already, that's the cynical/realism bit.

AJ

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

Sometimes with AJ, I think "I hope that wasn't the MODERATE version." o_O

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Aw, I like that, though. You do it too, Jamie.

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

I DO? [Eek!]

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

I think the problem is having an absolute. By saying that brutal honesty is _always_ the answer means that you refuse to evaluate each situation with respect to your actions. It sounds closed-minded.

Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :

I tend to be brutally honest with people I care about. I'm not good at moderate versions. But it's brutally honest on the the good stuff as well as the bad.