In honor of all the babies being born around here, and the kids born not that long ago, and the ones that have been born again -- birthin' puns. Well, more like puns about reproduction, cloning, pregnancy, the whole shootin' match.
I consider this thread my crowning achievement.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
We canal have a lot of fun.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
I don't like this thread idea. I think I'll just head out!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Uh, sorry, but you signed a contract, shun me not!
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Then I guess I hold my placenta thread and stay here.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, vary well!
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
This thread should be seminal, if there isn't a breech of ettiquette.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
The we should be happy to speak with one a cord!
(and I was about to type in a breech joke, just not fast enough I guess).
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
was your beating me to the breech joke premature injection?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Maybe we should adopt some ground rules to avoid all ova problems that result from dilate night puns.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
There's a vas differens between us.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
This Gy knows something.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Don't get teste about it.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I'll just sac you anyway, Dag.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Let's not be premature with our comments. We can all be pro-creative here .
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Is anyone on here, by the way, posting their comments from a Pubic Library or from a Penile Colony?
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I believe Bob has challenged us. Uterus, we respond.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I know it is a bit tacky but I just realized that I have a new definition for sodomy, it's miss conception.
[ June 11, 2004, 07:26 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
"A cheap reproduction" Is this tantamount to a knockoff? I've always wondered where the term "knocking off a piece" came from.
[ June 11, 2004, 07:30 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
So, my trap has been sprung!
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
You know, sometimes the effectiveness of a pun hinges on delivery. If you are too soon, premature, you lose impact and people mentally disregard your effort. I quess you could say premie puns are pruny.
[ June 11, 2004, 07:45 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Well, smack my butt and make me cry, this was a great idea Bob!
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Stick a stork in me, I'm done!
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I would have posted 'fore cep I went to bed early last night.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
You know, Shakespeare said some puns could be repeated in this thread: Once more into the breech, my friends!
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Hmm, this thread's been incubating while I was out getting my begat from the bakery.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Now you've really got my zygote.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I really wanted to sleep in the front of the ship, but all that was left was the after berth.
Hoo boy.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Well, I had lots of fun with the last smackdown, but I think I'll give this one a wide birth.
I'll go labor away at something else for awhile.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I gestate my lunch, and y'all are making me nauseated with all this baby talk. Nobody here has gained much weight in my esteem, although I might as well make a clean breast of it: I love the fertile ground that Bob has provided.
The topic is pregnant with possibilities, and the puns are ripe for the plucking.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
With a little help we can keep this thread kicking. It just needs nursing along. Hopefully it won't suck le.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
quote:I gestate my lunch, and y'all are making me nauseated with all this baby talk.
Well, stay away from the caesarian salad next time and maybe you won't get nauseated.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I'll feed on my own schedule, sndrake, thank you very much. My bun's in the warmer, and you have no say-so about it. I can't even conceive of such cockiness.
Next time you want to offer an opinion on how I live my life, go implant that seed in someone else's garden.
(BTW, that is a shaking fist *grr)
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Well, I can see I cord have been a preemie bit hasty about this thread.
Well, lamazed as I am this is the case, it figures it would be CT who would make me see the light.
Everyone knows she's a Femme Natal. Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Scientists have figured out why babies cry so hard after delivery.
It's disappointment.
See, when they first see the lights and sights during their delivery, their first thought is:
"At last, I'm getting a womb with a view."
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
It's getting so that groups are developing their own specialized vocabularies, leading to unnecessary confusion.
For instance, a large advocacy group had to issue an explanation and apology after issuing a flyer titled "In Support of Lechers."
Seems they were referring to breast-fed babies.
Seems to me the apology was useless - it's too much like crying over spilt milk.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Unfortunately, there's no virgin territory left in this thread.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Political slogans like that are so formulaic. Seems it's the non-lechers who need our support.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Good idea, Dag. Let's put out the caul now!
It's just basic pubic relations strategy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
This is like making hydrogen and oxygen from H20 -- you broke your water.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
I really don't think that this thread is Hatrack's crowning achievement.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
Oh, but there's still more to come.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
If scientists ever make it so men can give birth, we'll have to legalize polygamy, and each father will have to get married to 3 women.
Otherwise he won't have a mid-wife.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Dang, I just read about the irish Potato Famine. It was so sad that so many people lacked taters.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Already this thread seems to be lasting for a maternity.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Are you insinuating that a change of topic is overdue?
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
You need to come to term with it, Jalepenoman. Try C-ing it the way everyone else does.
Posted by SirReal (Member # 5257) on :
I believe that would be quite premature. With all of these cunning linguists around we could keep it UP for a Long time
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Sir! I'll ask you to please hold your tongue. Think of it as an oral contraceptive.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
See, I knew these folks would keep Trojan on.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
It won't stop until someone gets ticketed for IUD.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
We really don't need to be egged on. We'll continue to pump em out.
I had a long list of in poor taste puns but my dog, Nick, ruined that. Yeah, the list fell on the floor and I didn't grab it ForNickate it. I did threaten to sic the dog police on him. I believe I said "Cop u later Nick." Then the silly dog tried to act like he hadn't done anything wrong. Looked sorta coy to us.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm taking lessons to improve my golf score. They show up on my credit card statement as "par tuition."
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bob, be careful when you are playing golf and trying not to conceive a child. I have heard that it is rough on the condoms, and might even put a hole in one.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
By the way, Bob, do you play on a Pubic course or a Privates?
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Elizabeth and Bob, I see you share my addiction to spew in the morning. What is this morning sickness that makes us post so early?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
WHat I like about this thread is that there's a firm basis to all the puns. You might even say they're ultra-sound.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I remember my father's speech to me concerning pre-marital sex. He referred to it as "horsing around" and assured me that it could lead to "de-livery". For the longest time I had images of horse stables and weird feudal costumes.
[ June 12, 2004, 09:42 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
This thread sure has gone to seed.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
I hope I'm not knockin' up the wrong tree with this statement, but some of these posts have been quite amniotic.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, please sper me, Bob.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Dang it. I wanted to ride the Tube for the first time, but it was all tied up.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Yep, it'll be canal hard to ride past that knot!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:I hope I'm not knockin' up the wrong tree with this statement...
Would that be an adult tree?
Anyway, nice gamete you all.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, Sir Vex could have done it.
Edit: That was to J-Man.
[ June 12, 2004, 11:40 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
I started getting tired of reading this thread and dilated the pizza place for some lunch. I wish they still had thirty minute delivery, but I won't be-labor the point.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I had an English teacher look at this thread. She said the contractions weren't very far apart.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Which of her classes were you in? Section C?
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
And were you the class clone?
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Nope, she wasn't the class clone. The kids made fun of her because she couldn't drink her milk; seems she was lactate intollerant.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ah, that was the creme de la creme.
I had a friend who was always trying to get people to fight him. He'd say some of the most terrible things, he'd throw stuff. Anything to get someone angry. Until one day he squirted a girl with a foutain pen. She pummeled him nearly to death and kept yelling "That's INK! You baiter!"
[ June 12, 2004, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
If an impoverished woman of the lower class writes a poem to the other females of this working group, is she creating an ode to her fallo pians?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fallow opined a 5cm dilation for his conception but decided to abort*
edit: for girth
[ June 12, 2004, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
I'm filing a Piraternity suit.
Shut 'de door, intercourse you was born in a barnacle!
ConDommit! This thread is cramping my style.
The ship is heaving, and I'm out of berth control. And now there's a Panama canal on the bottom down below. We're not sure if it's a Grrr or a Boyl. Some vaccination this is....
Are we going by land or by sea section? Arrghh! Aarghh! Aargh!
Whar's those little treasures? X marks the spot!
Th'incubated the hook right? I'm ready or the catch of the day...
Aargh! Just keel me now and get it overwith.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Kelp Calm, Hippo-calamitus.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
My investment counselor does a lot of research. The other day she told me to switch my investments in infant formula to a company that makes nursing bras and breast pumps.
Those companies have been doing well, so I wanted to know her reasoning.
She pulled out her data. Over the past few years, the percentage of mothers choosing to breastfeed their babies has gone steadily up.
She pointed to the latest birth data:
"See?" she said, pointing to the birthrate/breastfeeding data. "It's a sure thing. There's a suckler born every minute!"
[ June 12, 2004, 09:22 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Sndrake, It does, in fact sim a lac of manners to discuss breasts in this forum.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Thanks for the mammaries.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
What cookie goes the best with milk? No matter how many cookies have been invented, I think the most milkworthy are still Oreolas.
[ June 13, 2004, 09:33 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Yeah those are the kind I like to nipple on myself.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I mean those are the very breast kind.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Hooter thought it? This thread ties in so well with the perpetually immature clique I belong to. I can be a silly boob and feel right at home. I expect some other 40 something poster to keep up with me, sorta tit for tat if you please.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
A foolish friend of mine with very loose morals told me that he has had multiple sex partners and taken no precautions. Yet he's confident he'll not get any sexually-transmitted diseases. He relies on the power of positive thinking to protect him.
It doesn't sound venerealistic to me.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
He'd better hope that impulse is soon Gonorrhea regret it for the rest of his life. Someone needs to clap him upside the head and rubber his nose in the dirty reality of std's
We need to make sure our friends understand that we don't condom such behaviour.
[ June 13, 2004, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Friends that don't understand are just a bunch of crabs.
My wife was cooking dinner last night. Everything came out okay except the vegetables. She burnt herpes.
[ June 13, 2004, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: Jalapenoman ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, nuts! That kind of testes really hard.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Kinda sperms you on to a different action, doesn't it!
You should have seed that one coming!
[ June 13, 2004, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: Jalapenoman ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
*clap* *clap* *clap*
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
In our lives, we should have a good foundation for helping others, whether the support comes from a boy or a girdle.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
There was a group of Spanish milkmen, who watched a fun American movie, and wanted to make their own. They called it "La Leche League of Extraordinary Gentlemen."
[ June 13, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I've had to learn over the years to curb my sarcasm. At one time I had an almost fetal smart mouth. The bullys didn't find the same humor in my jibes as I did. Once I saw the light, my newborn sense of discretion saved my life once or twice.
[ June 13, 2004, 01:22 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Punwit, I think it is a bit premature to make that assumption. You remember Sally. A sarcastic woman, In Cube 8, hurt her feelings and she quit.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"ride... Sally ride!"
Posted by SirReal (Member # 5257) on :
I said, "I wanted to eat 'her peas'". And she said, "You have a big 'belly but on' second thought, here you go". Ahh, if she said "'follow peon'", then I'd follow her anywhere.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Womb do you think you are? It's like my mother always said to me: "O.B. yourself!" The other thing she used to do is order me around at the family pharmacy. People would come in for their daily dose of medicine and she'll yell at me in back "Son! A gram!" I would get angry and point out how demeaning this was, and she'd accuse me of just latching on and never letting go! I guess she had a point. She also used to say that when life knocked you up, you just have to put yourself up by your bootstraps and get in those stirrups again.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
caul's well that ends well.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
When my grandpa was too lazy to get up and get his glasses, my grandmother yelled: "Here are your Specs, You Lump!"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Maybe we should all adopt a new tactic.
The Raven clan!
If they take a kid out of maternity and then put him back in, is that a reward?
And if you breastfeed twins, is that teet for two?
When a cow gives birth, does she become decalfinated?
Curses, foaled again!
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
I thought this thread was dying, but it appears to have been revived. Cord be because everyone likes a good discussion on reproduction!
We went to the store the other day and had a hard time finding any pants marked correctly. I located an employee and asked him "Sir, come size these."
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
My wife is one strange gal. She is the one always recieving flowers and yet she insists I am the one that needs a vase ectomy.
Posted by SirReal (Member # 5257) on :
Did you know that many sea men came to Florida pre-Seminole?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
When he did Marry, Lan could not make love. He was just too Tense, See?
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
You folks are geting comPlacenta.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
What do you call a delivery that is tougher than the nurse can handle?
A midwife crisis.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Who do you call when a conception is tougher than a couple can handle?
An Endercrinologist?
*groans*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I have been induced to make this pun because this thread has become a pit o' sin.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
bob,
may I remind you that you are contractually obligated to bring this conception to a head, per the terms set forth by your enjoynder?
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
The Raven clan!