This is topic New column: Everything I know I learned in high school off another kid's paper in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.
This Saturday, my son graduates from DeLand High, unless there's something he's not telling me. While I have not been formerly asked to speak at his graduation due to time constraints and because no one's ever heard of me, still I would like to take this occasion to pass on the important life lessons I gleaned from my own high school years that have since helped guide me in my career, relationships, and felony record.
The kids who are popular, athletic, and perfect in high school will be the ones that continue to succeed effortlessly all of their lives. Toady up to them shamelessly so they'll remember you at your job interview.
An authority is someone smarter than you, on one subject.
You can do anything in the world you can imagine if you wait until the very last second and get your mom to help.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
:: recognizes some of those life lessons ::
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
You nailed it again, Chris. Congrats to the grad.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:You can assert your uniqueness by wearing black clothing, odd hairstyles, and shocking jewelry. It works; kids have been asserting their uniqueness the same way for a hundred years.
We just got Goth-served.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Chris,
I love it! Passed it along to my daughter to read.
although I don't really agree with this line
quote: The kids who are popular, athletic, and perfect in high school will be the ones that continue to succeed effortlessly all of their lives.
based on what I could see at my 10 and 20 year reunions
Farmgirl
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
BONUS EXTENDED DIRECTOR'S CUT DVD HIDDEN SPECIAL EXTRAS!
Some of the ones that didn't make the cut:
Always keep food and gum handy. Even if you don't need them they can be valuable trade goods.
Hall passes are more precious than rubies. Make sure you know how to make one.
There's no faster way to tell someone something than by telling their best friend.
It takes every man on the team to win the game. But only one of them will get pro offers.
Paper clips can be bent into the shapes of small animals.
Everything you commit to paper will come back at you someday.
Thinking outside the box confuses and frightens people in the box, such as teachers and employers.
To have a friend all you need is one thing in common, even if it's only a common enemy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
THis is must reading for all high school kids
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Why didn't I have this speech four years ago. It is all very true, and would have been very usefull, but I did figure most of it out on my own.
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
Gotta disagree with the jocks still being popular etc etc... my fifth year high school reunion, all the "popular" kids and the jocks... were going to fat, got ugly, and had nothin going for them.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Um, I'm confused by anyone's attempts to disprove any of these.
Aren't they all false? Isn't that where the humor comes from? Or did I totally miss the point?
Dagonee
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
I don't know. Most of em have a grain or more of truth.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Now my columns have to have a point? Oh dear...
Some of them are funny because they're true (or sound cynical enough to be true), some are funny because they're demonstrably false, and some are just odd.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Nothing stimulates creativity like a deadline you forgot about.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
You don't have to be great to succeed, you just have to be better than everyone around you.
Posted by peter the bookie (Member # 3270) on :
psst. get your mom to help.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I don't know. I find this:
quote:Everything's funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
to be the truest thing I've ever read from Chris.
Posted by screechowl (Member # 2651) on :
Most of these would also be true of society in general, especially working in a business office, with the possible exception of the hall pass one. Come to think of it, I worked somewhere where you almost needed that too:
quote:Always keep food and gum handy. Even if you don't need them they can be valuable trade goods.
Hall passes are more precious than rubies. Make sure you know how to make one.
There's no faster way to tell someone something than by telling their best friend.
It takes every man on the team to win the game. But only one of them will get pro offers.
Paper clips can be bent into the shapes of small animals.
Everything you commit to paper will come back at you someday.
Thinking outside the box confuses and frightens people in the box, such as teachers and employers.
To have a friend all you need is one thing in common, even if it's only a common enemy.
I suppose they are funny in an office too. Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I took every single one of them to be life lessons that could be reasonably be inferred from high school that turn out not to be true (or at least incomplete).
Dagonee Edit: Which is why I thought it was freakin' hilarious.
[ May 19, 2004, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Chris-- I've always wondered if they count how many "hits" you get on your on-line column website (you know, to gauge popularity).
"attaboy, Chris -- 5,000 hits on your column page this week!"
Farmgirl *goes to click the link again*
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Well, in this case "they" would be me, and I don't check that often. It's embarassing to get fewer page views than an article on nose hair styles or something.
Actually I rank somewhere in there with the rest of our columnists, with the occasional burst if someone popular links to me. Enough to keep me doing it, anyway.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
quote:Except for that one annoying couple that is just perfect together, and they just make everyone sick.
Aww, you mentioned Annie and me in your column Chris, we're flattered!
Hobbes
[ May 19, 2004, 05:28 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
quote: It's embarassing to get fewer page views than an article on nose hair styles or something.
I am disappointed: my google search on "nose hair styles" didn't find anything!
Great article yet again. And thank you for passing your wisdom on to me before I graduate... I'm sure it will prove useful...
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
By the way, I'm convinced you got this one from Malcom in the Middle:
quote:If they think it's for a good cause, people will pay twice as much for half the candy bar.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
quote:While I have not been formerly asked to speak at his graduation due to time constraints and because no one's ever heard of me, still I would like to take this occasion to pass on the important life lessons I gleaned from my own high school years that have since helped guide me in my career, relationships, and felony record.
This sentence kinda jumped out at me and made me scratch my head. Was this s'posed to be "formally" and just slipped past the editors?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Chris! That was great!
I went back to catch up on the last few that I've missed and they're all great, as usual!
Congrats to your #1 son on his graduation. Great kid!
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
Chris, you got a link to the nose hair column? It's, uh... for a friend.
Yeah.
Posted by Anthro (Member # 6087) on :
I'm printing off some of these as a gift for the graduating class at my high school.
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