Hatrack River Forum: incomplete

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Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

Enough of this happiness stuff. What I want is some good old grumpy whining.

It has been ages, AGES since I've been in a Real Relationship. It's been ages, AGES since I've felt complete because I was with someone else. Sometimes I can forget about it all, and be content with my projects, my school work, my individual life. But every once in a while I remember. I recall glimpses of that true, giddy self-worth and comfort.

And damn. I wish I could have it again. But it's not a certainty. Just a hope.

--
Feel free to whine about your incompleteness. All you happy people can go do happy dances in another thread. [Razz]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

<enters thread>

Oops, wrong thread.

Sorry.

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

*glares at the happy-Bob*

no, really, a very tiny part of me is happy for you.
the rest of me screams bloody murder. [Big Grin]

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

I would like to complain abut yesterday's snow "storm." According to the weather dude, I was ASSURED a snow day. This means staying up late, having a couple of Bloody Mary's, and planning a day on the sledding hill with the kids. But what did I get? Three inches of perfectly plowable snow which didn't even stick to the road. Curses, I say! As a result, today was a long one, with not even a one hour delay. I came home and fell asleep on the couch for an hour, and as a result am now wide awake, ready to start the cyle of up late-exhaustion-nap-up late again tomorrow.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

s'okay. I'm insipid, cloying and saccharine these days. I know it. I can't stop. My dog is even tired of it!!!

I want everyone to share in it, even when they don't want it.

But it can be most unwelcome to those who actually WANT it and the darn love thing is just eluding them at the moment.

All I can say is I want everyone to feel this way. But most of all, I want me to feel this way. Cruel and selfish, I know.

I'll leave you to your thread now. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. I've been there. Not that long ago actually. The only good news I can offer is that when it does happen, you won't even remember the pain of it not happening.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

I'm with you, Suneun. Much as I get hope from seeing happy couples, mostly it just makes me wistful.

I had that! And I signed up for that -- but I lost it.

*SIGH*

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

I think it is when you are not looking that someone usually comes along, just when you are happy by yourself. I truly believe that the self-assuredness exudes some sort of powerful pheromone or something.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

It is the same with snow days, actually. The snow day you plan for is never the one that happens, and the best snow days are the ones when you didn't even have a clue it was supposed to snow.

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

Not five minutes ago, someone told me the same thing. O_o

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

oh I definitely agree that being confident brings on more suitors. Though the most confident I've been is when I'm strongly attached to someone. So, not particularly useful. [Smile]

The whole, when-you're-not-even-looking thing is a bit of a hoax. It's to keep people like us complacent. People _definitely_ find their perfect match after looking really hard, and others find them by doing nothing. Luck, personality, situation, timing, luck, and fate make all the difference.

Either way, my heart aches a bit.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

I'm sorry.

I think the only kernel of truth in the "when you're not looking" thing is that when you relax about finding someone, you are more appealing because you can just be yourself, not the hunter...

The fact of the matter is that it sure can feel like a crapshoot. I mean, first off, if you believe in soulmates, you're looking at scrubbing through the world's population to find that ONE special someone. And what havoc do you reak among the ones that weren't close enough?

If you set up a list of criteria, you also have to be open to meeting people and deciding if they meet your criteria. And the process of weeding through even the likely candidates can be grueling and emotionally draining.

Finally, if you just wait for it to happen, you still have to be in situations where it is at least possible to meet other people. How do you do that in the modern world? It requires a circle of friends, spending time on it. It's a big job.

Or, you could just cast your net at Hatrack.

So far, it's free, and the people here are smarter than average. You can look up most of their pictures on the web. So you're reasonably assured of not mistaking guys for gals & vice versa.

There are worse ways to meet people!

And the Cards don't charge for the service...yet...

The only downside is all the Graemlins that get attached to your name in posts.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Oh yeah, there's also the downside of falling for someone who lives 1000 miles away!!!

[Wall Bash]

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :

quote:
I think it is when you are not looking that someone usually comes along, just when you are happy by yourself. I truly believe that the self-assuredness exudes some sort of powerful pheromone or something.

Ooooo, yeah. Just ask my hubby (mr_porteiro_head) about that one! He has some great stories to support it.

Posted by keedokes (Member # 6301) on :

Why do you need someone else to make you feel complete?

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

because that's the kind of person I am at this time.

I don't think everyone needs one other person to feel complete, but I think I do.

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

We're social beings.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

And you are up way too late.

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

And you aren't on AIM, MOM. [Wink]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Computer is being funky -- I better reboot before I try loading AIM.

And I keep having the "just one more thread" syndrome.

Besides, I was assuming you were asleep by now! [Dont Know]

Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :

Add me to the list of the Wistful/Had it once, Want it again. I don't necessarily believe in soulmates, but there can't be too many guys that complement me well enough to make something work. I'm very weird in a very normal way. But I haven't given up hope yet; I'm too young for that. Patience is a daily struggle, though. Thank God for Hatrack.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

*whines inconsolably*

*trots off to mark bushes, trees, firehydrants, etc*

Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :

Whee! A whine thread! *joins*

1. I've accepted the fact that I'm unlikely to have any sort of romantic relationship before I keel over, forgotten.

2. I've forgotten what kisses feel like, but I vaguely recall enjoying them immensely.

3. All of my closest friends keep being ridiculously, rubbing it in-ly in love.

[Roll Eyes]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Zotto, the fact that you CAN forget what kisses feel like, is a whole step and a half ahead of me.

Posted by HollowEarth (Member # 2586) on :

Dude, dwelling on that fact isn't going to make it suddenly change. Screw your balls on tight and go make it happen. Your seem to have enough personality (here, anyway) that meeting people shouldn't present a problem for you.

It is definatly a big confidence boost to be in a relationship. However everyone feels insecure at times, and you can't let that hold you back.

I guess i should stop wasting time here and finish my work since it is finals week. But i will say this, don't always place your sites at the top, that is someone your completely compatible with right from the get go. Stretch a little and see you don't know what might happen. (Also don't go to a technical/engineering school if you want to have lots of opportunities to meet females who aren't really weird and bigger geeks than most of hatrack.)

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

who the heck are you directing that post to?

Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :

Well, sun, you don't want to date females?

[Confused]

Posted by skrika03 (Member # 5930) on :

Do you always feel profoundly about this or just at times of higher stress? (I think Suneun is in med school, dude)

Posted by Richard Berg (Member # 133) on :

Med school? Good luck having any kind of a life for the next 5-10 years [Smile]

Of course, you are with hundreds of similarly-positioned young people, so whoever you find will probably understand.

More distressing is your sense of incompleteness when single. To me that attitude sounds ripe for creating unnatural dependency issues when a relationship does evolve. Looking for happiness alongside other people is fine, but tying your self-image to them can't be healthy.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

"ridiculously, rubbing it in-ly in love."

Ha ha! That is great.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

quote:
3. All of my closest friends keep being ridiculously, rubbing it in-ly in love.

Yes, why yes that's me. I've been really quite depressed and lonely this week, because my two best friends here at college(one of whom I had a rather large crush on for a time...) just got together. They're not ignoring me, and in fact I'm really, really, ridiculously happy for them... But their happiness makes me realize how lonely I am. It's like there's this big empty space in my heart somewhere...

Of course the worst of it is that I've never actually had someone, so I don't even know what I'm missing..

Edit to add: So lonely...

[ March 18, 2004, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

Hmm..

I think if you read carefully, I mention that I don't always feel like this. Just once in a while. if you'd pay an attention [No No]

, you'd see that on my webpage I have a great number of fun things that keep me busy and happy.

But once in a while, it gets to yah. And a lot of other people understand it. So shut up. [Razz]

Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :

I need to take a moment to gripe about snow days. If it snowed half an inch in Tucson it would probably be declared a snow day, and rightfully so, considering the complete lack of bad-weather driving skills the people in Tucson have. Michigan? I walked to school with snow higher than my head along the streets. In snow pants. Why no snow days? Or at least Alberta clipper days?

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

I really relate, Suneun.

quote:
I think it is when you are not looking that someone usually comes along, just when you are happy by yourself

Well, I've been perfectly happy single for 13 years now, and no one has "come along". I realize God it is not tied by time dimensions, but, hey.....

Of course, I only feel that twinge of loneliness once in awhile. Or when I see other happy people together...

The rest of the time, life is sane.

Farmgirl

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

hey pooka: this mostly stems from a dream I had several days ago involving my high school ex-boyfriend.

PSI: Silly snow. It's quite white outside here, still. Not particularly deep though. Brown hates closing so we almost never do. In fact, the last time we had classes cancelled (the afternoon only), my med class teacher didn't tell us until after our lecture was over. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

oooh I just thought of a hatrack romance for Suneun that might work if they both can handle a bit of distance. They are probably within semi-reasonable driving distance though. Though one is a probably bit more conservative than the other I'm guessing in basic ideaology they are probably pretty close. Ages would be reasonably compatible too. Hmmm. And they'd make a darn cute couple. Hmmmmmmm.

I shouldn't be so nosy, but think CT would be proud of me for this one.

[Evil]

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

It has snowed every morning for the last three days here too. I really want spring. I need spring. I can't stand not seeing the sun!

AJ

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

[ROFL]

I'm always willing for interesting penpals. [Razz]

my profile email is a decent one to use to find me.

Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :

quote:
Though one is a probably bit more conservative than the other ...

I read it: "Though one is a probably bit more DISTANT than the other..." [Roll Eyes]

BannaJo, come to France, it's really sunny here ! Looks like this: [Smile]

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

Ahhh France, I wish. I will visit one day to see Le Tour if nothing else. I want to sit at the top of a hill and watch the Peloton flash by even if it is only for an instant.

Sometimes my California blood chafes at the weather. Though it is far more interesting than Southern California weather and I do like thunderstorms.

Suneun, e-mail is on the way, from my super secret work e-mail address <grin>

AJ

[ March 18, 2004, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]

Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :

We're supposed to have a high in the low-mid eighties in Vegas today.

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

[Grumble]

80s

Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :

Hailstorm's just started here and of course I have to leave work in 5 minutes.

I agree about how being single sucks - haven't dated anyone for 3 years - when I was dumped by the guy who said he wanted to marry me and have kids only 3 days earlier - [No No]

Plus there are very few active LDS men over 30 here in the UK who are half decent - by which I mean bathe regularly and are willing to work to support themselves - I don't thing that's setting my sights too high. [Dont Know]

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

Ah, a bunch of single wimmens.

*slicks back hair*
*rubs finger over teeth to get most of the scum off*
*turns underwear clean side out in preperation for luvin'*

Come and get me!

*waits expectantly on purple lounge chair of love*

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

You'd better watch out you're sitting in Ralphie's purple lounge chair. Oh wait, she probably won't come and smack you down like you deserve.

Ahh the good old days... I miss the Ralphie Luv-TM

AJ

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

Forget the Ralphie Luv and indulge yourself in Storm Saxon Luv. *nudge nudge wink wink* KnowwhatImean? KnowwhatImean?

Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :

I think I caught my mother's flu. Also, I have work on Saturday.

Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :

[Taunt]

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

Yah... it's been forever since I've had a REAL relationship. And even the last one years ago wasn't all that real. [Frown]

Too high standards for the circles I hang out in. And of course, as meet someone that I really like I get all shy.

*sigh*

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

I wanna start a group called "torch carriers anonymous".

Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :

Hmmm, fallow. I would join, but I'd inevitably find someone within the group that would cause me to backslide.

Posted by aka (Member # 139) on :

quote:
(Also don't go to a technical/engineering school if you want to have lots of opportunities to meet females who aren't really weird and bigger geeks than most of hatrack.)

Hollow Earth, did you really say that? Wow, you just deeply endeared yourself to all the technical/engineering girls on the forum, I assure you! [ROFL]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

fiazko,

That's ok. Most of my torches have either gone out sputtering or gone up in brilliant fireworks recently.

fallow

Posted by Alexa (Member # 6285) on :

Suneun,

Hanguk salam-eeni?

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

I hate spring in Canada. Where are the flowers? Where are the bluebells and the daffodils growing up and the spring lambs?

All there is is mud and cold and snow.

Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :

Neh. Nah-nun hang-guk-mal moht-eh.