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Fred Kernedy never hated his big nose more than when a sex-crazed pelican mistook him for a female and tried to make wild and passionate "dirty-bird love" -- to his head!

"It was awful -- a nightmare . . . I wished I was dead," says the 33-year-old man from Tampa, Fla. "All I wanted to do was throw some stale bread to the catfish swimming around in Tampa Bay.

"The next thing I know there's this pelican perched on a pole and he's looking at me with a very distinct gleam in his eye. I remember thinking, 'What's that old boy looking at?'

"And a second later I had the answer. He was looking at me."

Eyewitnesses said the hot-blooded seabird made a beeline for Kernedy, who, by his own admission, "was taken completely by surprise."

"I just stood there like an idiot while that pelican went at me like a dog in heat," he continues. "I started swinging my arms and hitting at it and trying to duck and run and scream at the same time.

"I know it sounds funny, and if it had happened to you instead of me, I'd be laughing, too. But the truth is, it's just about the sickest thing I can imagine.

"Just thinking about it sends cold chills up and down my spine."

Kernedy says he realized about 15 seconds into the attack that the bird wanted some lovin' . "I saw something I hope and pray I never see again," he says -- the business end of a pelican's manhood.

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Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
 
Clearly the writer of this article knows nothing about avian anatomy....

To put it in his terms--a pelican, like most birds, has no visible manhood.

[ March 16, 2004, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Mabus ]
 

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Posted by Anthro (Member # 6087) on :
 
I have a subscription to that magazine. Worth every penny.
 

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
I lost all respect for this magazine when they annouced that Eminem was the Anti-Christ.

I mean, come on. We all know the devil has better taste than that.
 

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Posted by Dobbie (Member # 3881) on :
 
Maybe the pelican was just attracted to men with big noses.
 

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Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
 
Assumeing that they have no visiable manhood(and that this story is true), how do they know it wasn't a girl bird?

[ March 16, 2004, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: MEC ]
 

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Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
 
Wow. That's an oxymoron: "assuming this story is true" and "Weekly World News."
 

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Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
 
The great part about WWN is that you never *really* know....
 

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Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
 
Shouldn't it be "bird-hood?"
 

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