#1 You came here because you want to be a writer, but you will NEVER be as famous or as good as Card. If you were, you wouldn't waste your time posting on a good writer's BB.
#2 Bob is still funnier and wittier than you.
#3 Unless your screen nick is Dobie, or possibly Dobbie, your Dobie's suck. I'm sorry, but they do.
#4 Tom will always have more posts than you.
#5 I will always make more money than you, be married to a better looking woman, and still be able to kick your ass on any day of the week. I know, it isn't fair, you should be better than me at SOMETHING. But you aren't.
#6 You read the posts on this BB, and realize most of these people are far smarter than you are. This makes you sad. Then you go to foobonic and realize most of them are also better looking than you. What do you have to offer the world? Not a lot.
#7 Even the gay people are bored as hell by gay marriage threads. I personally would offer my body to Karl Ed as his love slave if it would guaranty that no one would ever start a thread about gay marriage ever again. I feel safe as can be making that offer.
#8 The really funny chat conversations will always happen just before you get into the chat room, or just after you leave. We'll mention them in vague and infuriatingly teasing ways later.
#9 ClaudiaTherese is smarter than you, has more degrees, and is better read. She is only patient with your idiocy because she has absolutely nothing to prove. She and I make fun of you when you aren't around. Go ahead, ask her. She'll just smile condescendingly.
#10 No matter how long you are here, no matter how respected you become, no matter how vast your post count is, the pre turn of the century members will still call you a newbie. You will not live a hundred years to take that out on the next century's members. Sucks to have a short life span, huh?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm beginning to really get a complex about Tom and his frequin' post count!
Posted by Richard Berg (Member # 133) on :
Whatever, newbie [StB].
[ March 02, 2004, 01:52 AM: Message edited by: Richard Berg ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Slash is NEVER on AIM. Even when you KNOW he's posting.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Except right now...
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I saw him in chat once. Then I said "hello", and he left.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
quote: Then you go to foobonic and realize most of them are also better looking than you
Not really.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Run Karl RUN!
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Kama, a lack of humility is unbecoming in a newbie.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Slash, find one person who'd disagree with me.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
You're right. Adios Hatrack!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Bob, you produce nearly two posts to my one. So let me remind you: relax. It is, indeed, inevitable that you will pass me. Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Yeah, but your registration number will always be lower.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Slash: --I--
He's been meriting a lot of those lately.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
wait just one second...since when is kat on aim?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Since a few weeks ago, generally only at night. Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
dang, and i've been leaving the laptop at work in the evening.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I've been taking one home this week, Costello.
I have vague aspirations of getting my Web site back up, so I borrowed a computer and got a DSL line. However, both are working only intemittantly.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote: This is it, your time is through You're boring! You're rambling on, no end in sight You're boring! No need to thank your parakeet You're boring! Look at Catherine Zeta-Jones She's snoring! You could have rushed up to the stage But you were lollygagging! They're turning off your microphone And cutting to a commercial for Del Taco Del Taco! Del Taco! Del Taco!
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
Did Sopwith, just leave Hatrack! Posted by aka (Member # 139) on :
Slash! You'll always be one of my favorite newbies!
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Let me just roll that head.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Now there's lots of heads rolling.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#11 Periodically, the following guy will show up:
ENDER RAWKS! I THNK THAT STAR WRAS KID SUKS NO WAY THAT LOSER CAN PLAY ENDER BUT MAYBE THAT OTHER GUY WHO WAS IN THAT BRUCE WILLS MOVIE CAN PLAY HIM BUT HES OLD NOW SO I DONT KNOW DOES ORSON EVER POST HERE OR READ THIS BECAUSE I THINK HIS SCRIPT SUCKED BECAUSE HE TOOOK OUT THAT THINK WHERE THAT ONE KIDS GOT KILLED THAT SCENE WAS THE BEST IT SUCKS TO TAKE IT OUT ENDER RULES RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE RULES YOU PEOPLE SUCK AND HAVE NO LIVES AND I HAVE TONS OF SEX AND YOU DONT AND IM NOT 13 SO STOP SAYING THAT LOSERS CUZ YOU SUCK
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
Well, Slash, you can have your good looking wife. It is an undeniable fact that my delicious husband has the sexiest accent on this board.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Margaret Thatcher had a sexy accent. Doesn't mean I'd want to smooch her into the wee hours of the night.
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
That image . . .
>_<
. . . now that's a reason to hate Hatrack!
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
<-- has the sexiest accent on this board
Sorry, Amka.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
I don't know...
A seven foot tall Lizard-dude and old Prune face...?
It could work.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
If you're going to smooch her, I guess the wee hours would be the best time.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
#12 No matter how hard you try, Slash will always be more of an ass than you.
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
When I said delicious, I meant it. Chiseled mediterranian features with lithe, well defined muscles. Drool...
Kama, you are a girl. I give you your sexy accent, and will say it the sexiest on the board, but I still wouldn't married to you. So I think I can say I'm the woman married to the spouse with the sexiest accent and is very good looking to boot.
Goat, I freely admit to being an ass. It's one of my defining characteristics.
However, your sad little attempt to add to my list should actually have read:
#12 No matter how hard you try, Slash will still be more interesting and entertaining than you
That would have at least been more accurate, though still not very funny.
Keep trying, newbie! You'll get it eventually.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
I hate it that when I have an opinion, I can never argue it as well as those who oppose my opinion.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Jenny, I disagree, and I don't think you made your point very eloquently.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
#14 Slash never devours the people you really want him too.
Posted by Jacare Sorridente (Member # 1906) on :
#15 The Hatrack community in general is made up of such nerds that Slash really
quote:is
the coolest one of us.
It's like the big fish in a little pond kind of a thing, sure, maybe we all suck and all, but but being the least sucky of the sucky still kind of sucks.
[ March 02, 2004, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: Jacare Sorridente ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Jacare, you are not allowed to change a bit of that post. That's the funniest emphasis I've seen.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Noooo!!!!!
Crap.
Posted by Jacare Sorridente (Member # 1906) on :
I changed it back for you kat.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Oh, thank you! You do like me! *grin*
[ March 02, 2004, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by David Bowles (Member # 1021) on :
16. Just when you think you'll never have to hear the word again, DB will bring up "memes" in some seemingly innocent thread.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
17. Those painful early days of newbiehood when you think Jatraquero is something minors go to Mexico for Spring Break in order to participate in.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I have a meme!
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
to the all thread.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Realizing you just explained what habeus corpus is to a lawyer, or original sin to a pastor, or used an obscure phrase in a foreign language to someone who speaks it has their first language.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
I want to know why Slash is never on AIM anymore. Posted by Belgarath (Member # 4) on :
Boy Slash your rant almost made me feel so bad that i didn't think i belonged here anymore. but ive been here lurking so long its my second home.
;O) Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
::gasp:: Member number four! I am not worthy!
Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :
Member # 4 with 12 posts... that's gotta be a lurking record...
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I think Amka's husband looks a bit like Tom Hanks for some reason. So I guess if you think Tom Hanks is sexy, there you go.
AJ
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
Sexy is as sexy does.
Posted by Frameshifter (Member # 2967) on :
I am too sexy for my shirt.
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
Then can I have it? I haven't done Laundry in a while...
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
What's more amazing than Number 4 and 12 posts is that #12 is to this thread...
Posted by Dobbie (Member # 3881) on :
quote:I think Amka's husband looks a bit like Tom Hanks for some reason. So I guess if you think Tom Hanks is sexy, there you go.
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator (Member # 4894) on :
Dobie, nobody does it better.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
18. All those ridiculously cute Hatrack couples bring out the most vehement jealousy in you. Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
I think this will be the one and only time I ever tell Annie to Shut Up.
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
Wow that explains a lot...
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
*shuts up, but continues giggling*
Awww, Taal - I saw you and Kama.... I think it could happen!
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
*sighs*
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
If my superiority was EVER in doubt, I need only point out that I drew member number 4 out of lurking to post in my thread.
Bel, I bow ONLY to your single digit superiority.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#18 Mafia
Here are my suggestions for future mafia games, since it has already degenerated to the 'little house on the prairie' level of lameness:
Gay Marriage Mafia - Will the loving same sex couples make it to the altar before the bigots slap an injunction on them?
Tom Clancy Mafia - Can the small band of toughened warriors packing state of the art firepower and the latest intel be able to terminate the moles in their midst before the mission goes fubar?
Slash Mafia - How many newbies will the hidden lizardman contingent be able to eat before they are stopped?
Orson Scott Card Mafia - How many townsies will be murdered, and mafia guys lynched, before everyone realizes that if they had just stopped and tried to understand each other, none of this would have happened?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter....
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
lol!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Ohhh, Tom Clancy mafia sounds good. We could do some of his books specifically, Hunt for Red October mafia could be fun.
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Yah Erik, but I think we still have to go on the retreat anyways.
Hobbes Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Will they be serving lunch?
What of beer?
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
This thread needs to be immortalized and made required reading for anyone who's about to write a *list* thread so they can see what a funny one looks like.
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
quote: Here are my suggestions for future mafia games, since it has already degenerated to the 'little house on the prairie' level of lameness:
#24,356 -- calling something lame without ever having played it.
And it's called 'Little Mafia on the Prairie," and the death scenes are guaranteed to make you proud, Mr. Lizard man.
But I would co-host Slash mafia in a heartbeat with you, if you wanted.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#19 People who take anything in this thread seriously.
We're looking at you, Trogdor.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
*Reads this thread and sobs in the corner*
I'll never be good enough.
Goodbye, World.
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
Mafia?
I have so much to learn...
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator (Member # 4894) on :
I'm not taking it seriously. I'm MARKETING!
And thanks for the opportunity, my dragon brother. Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#20 People who market their lame product in another person's thread
I mean really. What's next? Mafia popup ads inside the Onanism thread?
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator (Member # 4894) on :
**takes offense**
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Gimme my offense back.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Here, Slash, you can borrow mine.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Pooka, yours looks really worn. It may be overused.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
#9910 = Being trapped in Slash's Hoochie Stable.
#9911 = Not being trapped in Slash's Hoochie Stable.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
*am refraining mightily from inappropriate commentary, out of respect for the decorum of this thread
*shoots Slash with a spitball in the back of the head
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#21 ClaudiaTherese toying with my affections
*rubs spot where spitball hit*
I'll never shampoo again.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I'll never spit again, only ... no, cannot do it.
But you know it.
(*backs out almost gracefully)
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator (Member # 4894) on :
#3476 -- Claudia Therese not posting more.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
#4894: Peon-toasting lizards turning sentimental.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Believe me, one handed boy, I only have sentiments for CT. The rest of you can fry.
Posted by Belgarath (Member # 4) on :
Awww slash I didn't know you felt that way about me. ;O)
incase you didn't know Bel is short for Beloved when put in front of a name.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Slash, you do realize that this means I can never meet you face-to-face. After my chronic impropriety, I'd die of mortification before I could ever look you in the eye.
So if we ever go to the same shindig, we'll have to work out some elaborate schedule in advance. Otherwise, I'll spend all my time hiding in the restroom (or under the bed, which is a time-honored family reunion trick of mine. Pick the bed with all the coats on top and you're home free. In my family, this is a very useful skill, as is hand-to-hand combat.)
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
We will meet some day, CT. It's gonna happen. I promise to be nice.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Yes, he'll EAT you!
And you'll ENJOY it! Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
I didn't eat you, Jenny. As I recall, I was the perfect gentleman.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Is that what makes a perfect gentlemen? And to think, all my girlfriends have complained that I'm not a gentleman when I don't eat them.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
If you call licking your eyes with your tongue being a perfect gentleman, well, yes.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
And you WERE the only one who understood about my Hairy Feet. For that, I shall always be grateful. Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
It turns out that Tom is actually a really neat guy.
Posted by ssywak (Member # 807) on :
#22 Two hundred and twenty seven different threads about whether or not God really exists...and they're all the same thread.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The seeming need for certain people to inject themselves into a fairly calm, rationale discussion with little seeming purpose but to generate heat and not light.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#23 Someone using my funny and lighthearted thread to vent in a serious tone.
Valid though the venting may be, this is not the thread for it. I wouldn't start a thread about hating hatrack if I thought any serious reasons to hate it would appear. I respect the hosts too much.
Get with the spirit, Dag! Say something funny!
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
On the other hand, if you were being ironic, Dag- that's pretty funny
Posted by Shepherdess (Member # 6115) on :
#55a--being a newbie and having absolutely nothing to contribute to what must be a funny thread, based on the parts I could comprehend with my limited understanding
#55b--realizing that compared to those of you who joined before time was counted in years (how long ago was "A Long Time Ago," Belgarath?), I'll always be a newbie! Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Brown-nosing newbies.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
We're up to the six thousands now?
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
#841: Member numbers in the 6,000s.
Posted by Shepherdess (Member # 6115) on :
Ouch! Could someone please pass the offense? I think I definitely need to borrow a little bit from whoever had it last! Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Don't worry. Offending you is just our way of saying "we care".
And we've been in the 6000's since December.
[ March 08, 2004, 11:29 PM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Claudia Theresa does not have more degrees than me and Bob is not wittier than I am. I just hold back in my posts to keep you all from developing an inferiority complex.
Posted by bonniet (Member # 240) on :
And Slash, Just in case you think you've been around longer than I, I thought I'd add this post from my original user name.
The Rabbit
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
You know what's funny? I had NO IDEA that Rabbit was Bonnie, even after all this time. Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I guess you've never checked my profile Tom.
You want to try to guess my last name? I'll warn you, its a heart ache!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I don't generally check profiles. Like, practically never. All I know is what I read in the posts, y'dig? Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I dig Tom. But since I've hardly ever posted as Bonnie, It's never been an issue.
I think I avoid using my real name on line because in my mind, it tends to be associated with "wee lass", and while I am indeed a small woman, I'm only a small woman on the outside. Life has taught me, that people often discount ones ideas when one is small and feminine, so on the internet I enjoy having people get to know me first by my ideas before they are biased by any preconceived notions about people of my size and gender.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
So...you'd be "The TALL Rabbit" then?
Anyway, I agree. That's personally why I didn't use "Fat, 17-year-old, Short, Hometaught, Christian, Prescott-Arizonan." That, and the dang character limit.
[ March 09, 2004, 12:41 AM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
So you changed your "wee lass" name into a cute, furry little animal? Posted by aka (Member # 139) on :
It's a ferocious rabbit! with big nasty teeth!
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
Sorry, don't buy it. Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Clearly, you have never played the game Killer Bunnies Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#24 Rabbit is smarter than you, but is also a bit touchy, so approach with caution and avoid angering the right nasty rodent.
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
I've never read Watership Down nor seen the Holy Grail. So there, you little cute bunny you... Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I have also observed, that people nearly always assume that I am male online until I (or someone else) corrects them. I'm not sure what that means.
The great thing about "The Rabbit" is that there is alot more to it than just a small furry animal. Their are all kinds of cultural references from "Playboy" to "Bugs Bunny", from "Monty Python" to the "Velveteen Rabbit". It has great latitude.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Hey, rabbits are not rodents. We are lagomorphs. I want that clearly noted in my biography.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
You can't go half way with the Python references. Either you're a right nasty rodent or you're not. You don't get the benefits without taking the designation.
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
*is a rabbit under the Chinese Zodiac* Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Who says you can't go half way with Monty Python references? I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition.
And besides, it is not "right nasty rodent" its "the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Yes, there is a rabbit under the chinese Zodiac. The next year of the rabbit will be in 2011. I expect Hatrack to spend the entire year producing prose to honor me. (Assume that Hatrack hasn't morephed into something far different by then).
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Honor us. You meat to say honor "us" right? Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Rabbit, I promise pages and pages of prosy praise if you resurrect the Ask Dr. Rabbit thread. Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Tyler = wee lass? I feel like I'm missing something.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Tyler = wee lass?
Only if you are lost in France.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Oops. Jon Boy can't read. I thought you were saying that you didn't like using your last name because of the association with "wee lass."
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Didn't Bonnie Tyler sing Total Eclipse of the Heart? I love that song! Thanks!
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I'm still reeling from Tom saying "y'dig."
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
quote: Could someone please pass the offense?
Hey, Shepherdess. Most newbies don't even get noticed. Welcome to hatrack!
Posted by Digory Holmes (Member # 6305) on :
#7003 : Paranoia-inducing alter egos.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
#25 NO ONE expects the spanish inquisition!
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
No one may expect it, but, golly-gee-whiz, it was always a great bit.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Where is that comfy chair, and the soft cushions?
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
#26 Of our 6000+ members, remarkably few of them have been confirmed "not stalkers".
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
What exactly is a "stalker"?
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
To stalk.
1. To pursue by tracking stealthily. 2. To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement.
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Did Sopwith, just leave Hatrack! ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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