I am very comfortable with my sexuality. I prefer women over men. Yet I have been known to do things that my be considered, well, not-macho.
I've gone clothes shopping with the girls at work. Not for myself, but for them. They wanted a man's opinion on clothes that were hot.
I've bragged about the price of a pair of sandals I bought. Hey, they were great sandals, and cost less than $2.00 (in India).
Although I have no fashion sense what-so-ever, my wife is training me slowly to answer her in detail when she asks, "does this look good on me?"
(She follows it up with the dreaded question, "Why?")
However, today I have crossed a line.
The woman who works next to me is a bit....odd.
I don't want to go into too many details about how odd.
She is in a happy marriage that is a good 20 years strong. She has taken to sending risqué' e-mails to her husband during lunch.
Nothing odd about that...
except that she has been using our lunch breaks as a sounding board for her romantic prose.
I have the skill to be able to turn a good phrase or too.
Too good.
Things have progressed to the point where I am basically writing here naughty letters for her. I am being paid in praise.
I find myself writing tidbits to tantalize a man I barely know, and do not wish to know that well.
I am a praise ho. Tell me something is funny or well written and I'll follow you anywhere.
It is just my luck that a group of woman have confided in me that I could make a living in the Porn industry..... as a writer.
That's like having a face for radio.
Or the driving skills to be a demolition derby winner.
Or being a millionaire, in Italian Lira.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
What exactly is gay about knowing what a woman should say to tantalize a man?
However, I really like your writing, Dan. Really. Nice sandals, too.... *wink wink nudge nudge sayn'more sayn'more*
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I think you should just take your predicament and turn it into a book or movie script. Every time a story like that is done it seems to end up a hit.
AJ
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
For the record, Dan's writing has always gotten me excited. Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Where would the story go? Maybe one of the husbands begins to suspect, for some reason, that the author is really a man, and starts to pursue Dan?
Or maybe the husband somehow overhears part of the composition process, and thinks that Dan is writing love letters to his wife (and that she, in turn, is recycling them by modifying them and passing them along to him)?
Or you could go with a twist on the old Cyrano bit, and have Dan fall in love with the woman whose husband he is writing letters to.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
In any case, care to post a sample of your...<ahem> prose?
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
See, Dan, this is what you get when you share stuff here. I bet ten people will now write variations of your story.
"Praise whore" HA! I know exactly what you mean. Heh.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Dang, I was going to ask you how long your nose was, but Noemon beat me to the punchline.
That, my friend, is an odd situation.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
no,no,no,no.
For it to work as a Hollywood script, we all have to be single.
She would have to be younger and cuter.
The writer would have to be younger, and secretly cuter but have that covered up with bad clothing choices and a thick glasses.
The boss, a sexist pig who loves to abuse his position (why else only 1 pathetic male allowed in his fiefdom full of cute hollywood females) is hot for the woman writer writes for. She turns him down cold, despite threats to her career. The writer would secretly have a crush on her too. The rest of the office staff would know this but the woman in question would not.
After some confusion due to a server/router problem where the boss recieves one of these e-mails, but thinks it came from his boss, an elderly, respectable woman.
Boss follows the instructions in the e-mail, getting himself embarrased and fired.
The woman gets his job, and proves to be a much better manager.
The writer quits, to take up a career as a romance writer, making a fortune.
The man the woman was writing too turns out to be be very macho-handsome, ends up on the cover of the writer's books. However, relying on his good looks alone, he is not very romantic.
The writer gets a make over by the rest of the girls in the office, and ends up marrying the woman in the cube next door.
The woman who leads the makeover takes over with the cute model/ex boyfriend.
The old boss ends up being Ms. Prim&Proper big bosses gigilo.
That's how the story would go in Hollywood.
I've spent way to much time thinking about this.
[ January 09, 2004, 12:51 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I, too, would like to see examples of this so-called naughty prose.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Sorry. No posting of my naughty prose. I will not contribute to the delinquency of the minors present.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
If it's a bit much for Hatrack, post it on Sakeriver.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Ha! I bet it's not naughty at all.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
You people are just so determined to turn my board into something I couldn't show my grandmother. It's a good thing that she's as computer-illiterate as she is.
Posted by Javert Hugo (Member # 3980) on :
How about GreNME?
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
but, but, you said you wanted people to visit!
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Oh, I do, I do. But I'm still laboring under the delusion that people will come solely on the basis of my coolness.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Ah, but your coolness plus Dan's naughty prose . . .
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
And if dkw is signing off on it, you *know* it's a good idea. Post it Dan! Turn Sakeriver into the house of smut we all know Mike secretly wants it to be!
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I must admit that I am curious about these risqué letters.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
So, Dan -- why not just make your first million writing those cheap romance novels? (under a pen name, of course).
They all have that "naughty" talk in them...
Farmgirl
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Danielle Raven
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
I think you need to name the characters in your story skeleton. I got a little confused after a bit. I think the gayest thing I ever did was have that dream about Ian McKellan.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Yes, please post your flaming gayness for all the world to see, Dan. Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I have meetings this afternoon and have to get some work done. I'll post one later (I havent done that many.)
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I think you should post it over at Tick's site gamesmaq. No one's posted over there in a long time. Imagine Tick's surprise when the first post in ages is a Letter to Penthouse.
Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :
Yeah, you're gay dude. Give it up. Go get some tight pinstriped pants and bracelets and start accusing stright men of being afraid that THEY are gay too.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Sorry Dan, but... (whipped noise)
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Dan, your predicament could be much gayer. You could've opened your story with, "Well, it all started when I picked up two gallons of Vaseline..."
Posted by Valkyrie (Member # 5980) on :
you know... you really could make a living by writeing.
What do you think most romance novels are???
PORN FOR WOMEN!!
(not all, just most... take a look at one some time. Just make sure its not harliquine... thats the equivolent to... a sexy add or something, not the real thing .
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Is anyone else horribly tempted to bump that romance-novel thread about Hatrack that Ralphie did so well in?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
!
I hate busy Fridays at work! I could have fallen out of my swivel-chair laughing- --wahh!
I fall down.
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
This is a hilarious situation. I keep thinking of Dan Raven as Santa Claus, too! That's just downright shocking! <laughs>
What if her husband finds out and decides it's really YOU he loves?
Or she starts calling you on your cell phone in the middle of the night and saying "quick, Dan, I'm at a loss, tell me what to do now!". <laughs>
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I've already got your pen name lined up for you:
Danielle Raven!
I don't know of any cases where a man has chosen a female pseudonym. Maybe you could really start something big!!!
And about those sandals. If you're wearing them with dark socks and Bermuda shorts, you have nothing to worry about.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
quote: I've already got your pen name lined up for you:
Danielle Raven!
Uh... you aren't the first to post that.
Posted by HenryW (Member # 6053) on :
Someone really needs to be honest here.
Dan - the warning signs:
You only mention women friends.
Women want your advice on style.
You are intrigued with writing prose that turns men on (apparently successfully).
You brag to others about your personal fashion selections.
Women seem to consider you their best friend.
If you are involved in a Platonic live-in relationship with a woman it is a complete picture.
If you can't be honest with yourself, we'll do it for you. Yes - you are gay.
Regardless - could you come by and help we with a wardrobe makeover? I can't seem to figure out if I am summer or spring and I have a heck of a time matching shirts to my eyes....
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Actually, I know of at least two science fiction authors who also write romance novels under female pseudonyms. I'd be surprised if it were uncommon.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Ooh! Who?!? I want to read them!
[ January 10, 2004, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: Dead_Horse ]
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
Hey, anything that sells!
Alas, 'tis true, I have gone here and there And made myself a motley to the view, Gored mine own thoughts, sold cheap what is most dear, Made old offenses of affections new...
Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :
You need help my boy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sorry Noemon, I didn't see your post... Good joke, though. Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
:::off-topic::: Bob_S -- are you on AIM or MSN right now? Not much seems to be going on, on the forum on this Saturday night.... wonder where everyone is? -- Farmgirl
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
New computer.
Belongs to company.
No AIM!
Sorry.
Oh... and ... get a life, would ya!
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
yeah-- look who's talking..... FG
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, I'm waiting for a phone call.
Been waiting 3 weeks now,...but still!
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Very cute.
*adds this to the list of Hatrack Legends
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
quote: Is anyone else horribly tempted to bump that romance-novel thread about Hatrack that Ralphie did so well in?
That was a great thread. Dan, did you ever post anything on it?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
quote:It is just my luck that a group of woman have confided in me that I could make a living in the Porn industry..... as a writer.
You think that's bad Dan, I was told I would be a great writer for gay porn.
Hobbes
[ January 11, 2004, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
O_o;; Who told you that and WHY?
Don't leave me hanging here, Hobbesy... Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
My friends at lunch. We were discussing, odly enough, a rather suggestive chemisty lab saftey video. Interesting. o_O
Hobbes Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
I still want to see a sample.
*whines*
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Me too! I'm trembling with antici--
--Pation!
[ January 12, 2004, 12:10 AM: Message edited by: Starla* ]
Posted by Richard Berg (Member # 133) on :
They have (very large and well-established) newsgroups for this, you know.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
(laughs) That's great, Hobbes, and it reminds me of a Beatles lyric...
"Joan was a quizzical, studied metaphysical science in the home... Late nights all alone with a test tube, Oh, oh oh oh..."
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Hey, no problem Bob--great minds and all that. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Actually, it was a group of girls that told me this too. What is it about girls telling guys they should write for porn? o_O
Hobbes Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
1) Sorry I haven't added. I tried to get a new name, Danielle Raven, but it took to long. This weekend was a bit busy and I didn't think my visiting 17 year old niece needed to see her Uncle posting soft core porn.
2) I considered adding to the romance novel, but never got around to it.
3) My wife assures me that there is a very short list that would force her to divorce me. On that list are minor trespasses such as Genocide, Child Abuse, and the big one, becoming a Romance Novelist.
4) None of the things I've written are really unprintable, just, suggestive.
5) A small sample:
quote: Then he popped the big question, said those three magical words that she had been dieing to hear....
"One more time?"
6) If you ever run across a Gay Porn Book by the team of Hobbes & Raven, shame on you for looking at that type book.
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