Since I can't do what I'd like to do about the overabundance of the lovey-dovey, hugging, "I'm sorry" crap--which is, beat each participant across the back of the skull with an iron skillet--I figured I'd try and get my crankyness out the old-fashioned way.
Flames. Sweet, sweet flames.
Nothing is sacred. Not your pets, your hairdo, or your sexual orientation. Not your religion, not your spouse, and definitely not your mother.
Come one, come all. Vent your frustrations on those of us who can take an ill word or two. But, brave Jatraqueros, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, fuzzy slippers.
[disclaimer: I claim no responsibility for anything that comes forth from my keyboard towards anyone who feels the need to post in this thread, and don't expect others to take any, either.]
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
what a stupid thread idea. you suck.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Oh, well there's the most brilliant idea anyone has every had in the whole history of hatrack. Psych!
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Sexual Orientation? Is that a come on or a racial slur?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Strider, that was one of the least inspired posts I've ever seen from you. Push Kira out of your lap and flame like a real man.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Racial slur? Apparently you're a little new at this flaming business. Watch for a while, then try again later.
And I'd come on to you, but I'm not sure if you're a woman or a really, really sissy guy.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
sorry, it's late and i'm tired. what's your excuse? I thought you had like insomnia or something. You can't be any more creative at 2:30? That's sad.
And really, you're not even worth my time and energy to stay up and flame you. I mean, where's the payoff, you're already a chump, what more can i do to you?
oh, and...Your mom.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
How convenient! Start flaming, but insist that you need to go to sleep the minute your best stuff runs out!
And believe me. I've known you long enough to know that's your best stuff.
My mom, indeed.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ok, so if there are fluff threads, intelligent threads, and some in between, what's this? Sub-fluff?
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Post-Fluff. The digestive juices if you will.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Like you'd know an intelligent thread if it jumped out of your monitor and started typing physics theories in your wordpad.
Have someone explain my initial post for you if you're having trouble comprehending.
Your post was a different kind of flaming, if you know what I mean.
Now go away.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Good thing there's no worry of anything like that happening with this thread.
Feel free to continue dismissing me if you aren't up to dealing with me.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Yeah, Frisco, GREAT freaking idea. Start a thread for flaming. That'd go well with your whole lifestyle deal, but for the rest of us, we don't WANT to hear you bitch and whine about how we aren't giving you enough attention.
Christ.
You know, if you had a dick longer than most insects, you wouldn't be this needy for attention. But then again, you are from Orange County or some other godforsaken hellhole -- I guess I can't blame you for ending up so screwed up.
Just take it somewhere else. We don't care. In fact, I doubt anyone would care about your bony ass and its problems -- but then again, I hear the Army's useful for losers who have nothing better to do than start threads devoted to, what, bitching at each other? Yeah, go whine at the Iraqis. While the poor bastards have been abused enough before hearing your high-pitched shrieking, at least they won't understand what the words are coming out of your mouth.
Not that we do, either, but that's more due to your low IQ than incoherency. God, if only I COULD get your whining reduced to a low mumble...
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
That's a flame Lalo? Sounds like one of your ordinary posts to me.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Wow. I thought you reserved your blowhard nature for political discussions.
A gay joke from a man who can't have a conversation without using the word "ass" twenty or thirty times an hour?
An attack on my body from a man so flabby he's afraid to show his face at a Shinda?
A California joke from someone who thinks a coastline and silicon breasts are what makes a state great?
I think you need some time away from California. Hell, at least a little time away from your mom's basement would help.
I think when you get to be my age, you'll realize how goofy you sound right about now.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
But thanks for attempting to strut your stuff, Lalo. At least it made people realize that this thread isn't limited to flaming me. Any moron can have a taste!
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
::giggle::
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Myr, for all that you yap your trap in Hatrack Chat, I can't for the life of me think of one of your 1000+ posts on Hatrack that haven't been some form of: , LOL!, or "hehe".
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
That post was almost as pathetic as your sexual performance. Only, it didn't end as quickly.
Amazing, that a dude who, judging by his skinny-ass pics, can't bench more than the bar -- or are you up to the bar yet? -- judges ME on my body. Which is, by the way, far superior to yours -- I lost fifty pounds over the summer and thus can apply for jobs other than scarecrow. A position you're resigned to.
Well, no, I take that back. Your life aspirations may reach no higher than scarecrow -- and considering how much talent and looks you were born with, that's pretty ambitious -- but you can have more positions. Or so Tyrone and Billy Bob from prison tell me. Don't you think it's pathetic that you need to pay prison convicts so you can have some semblance of a sex life?
All this from a man who's living in Idaho or Iowa or one of those farmer states, doing nothing more than the occasional wank and profess having a job other than professional bum.
Your insults are as pathetic as your personality, Eddie. But don't worry, I don't expect much from you -- and this thread amply proves my point. What a waste of my time posting here; after all, it's only you I'm writing to.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Ever play scrabble with a 4th grader? This reminds me of such.
Hey Frisc, nice ass.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
From a different frame of mind (mine) the title makes it sound like the thread is about romance.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Don't you see the sexual tension. It's just not the romance you're used to. Don't worry, Lalo and Frisc will get it on soon.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: That post was almost as pathetic as your sexual performance. Only, it didn't end as quickly.
Nice slam.
Oh, wait. That was a lie.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
That's right, Lalo....keep lifting those weights.
I'll be over here in the real world actually getting chicks.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Speaking from experience?
Dude, you at least have sex appeal, you didn't need to dredge the bottom of the barrel in search of a lay -- I mean, sleeping with Frisco, jesus. At least you caught up on your beauty sleep. And I hear a good laugh is good for the soul.
Posted by Wonko The Sane (Member # 2945) on :
quote:From a different frame of mind (mine) the title makes it sound like the thread is about romance
who says it isnt
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Weak comeback, Frisco. Nearly as weak as your arms.
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
I do.
We probably have different definitions of romance.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: Weak comeback, Frisco. Nearly as weak as your arms.
And, yet, this will set the standard for strong comebacks for centuries to come.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
If that's what you consider a slam, Lalo, it's no wonder the girls never come back for seconds.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
from AIM:
quote:lockstep patriot: But dude, do you really think I'm fat? I'm in great shape, now that I've trained in Costa Rica. With this damned ankle, I haven't been able to run for a month, so I'm starting to grow soft, but nothing i can't work off once I get the ability to run again.
Whine whine whine bitch bitch moan.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
The fact that he hasn't developed an eating disorder is a testimony to his laziness.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You'd think that his Mexican blood would make him a hard worker.
Just goes to show you that not all stereotypes are accurate.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Five bucks says he's attempting to write a post in which he'll claim to be quoting me from AIM.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
No, but it explains the smell.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Look at BobbyK trying to get in on the dogpile.
Frisco and I work alone, BK. Shoo.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Hey, I'm no cockblocker. Whatever you want dude.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Who are you, anyway, Bobby? And why are you using a perfectly good thread to flirt with esl? I'm sure his e-mail address is in his profile.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Aww - he thinks I'm male.
That's cute.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Sorry, the mustache.....
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Heh!
What Frisco fails to mention is that this was right after I apologized for slamming him so mercilessly.
quote:lp: By the way, so you know, I'm really struggling to find an insult for you. It's tough. You're smart, funny, likable, and cute -- I have to make them up as I go along.
To suck up to him, I asked him if he meant what he said -- above, what he quoted -- as if I really cared about his opinion.
Heh. Why would I? I could be the fat wife to Frisco's Jack Sprat and he'd still come begging for sex. I mean, he's so bad at sex he fails to satisfy himself, and even his left hand complains that sex ends too quickly. No way that beggar could be a chooser.
But then, Frisco, I guess it's tough for you to understand that if women ever wanted to sleep with someone like you, they'd buy a sharp-ended toothpick. They'd feel a tiny prick down there and eventually fall asleep in the middle of it.
But then, I guess you can only misquote from apologies and testimonies of my (false) respect for you. Goes to show just how much integrity you have -- your ethical backbone is apparently as weak as your biceps.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Well, even I'm not fully convinced that you're not hiding a penis somewhere.
Breasts can be done overnight. You probably shouldn't hang them out as your only proof.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: Sorry, the mustache.....
Well, at least you didn't try an assault the nick. That's improvement.
Of course, improvement over Patrick. So, you know, take that for what it is.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Frisco, you know, you start paying attention to me and you give lalo the time he needs to write a half-way decent insult. Okay, maybe I'm being generous, somewhat decent insult.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Man...will somebody figure out how we can let Lalo leave this thread with some dignity? If not, he's just going to keep trying to get it back by force, futile as his attempts are.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Or perhaps it was your penis Ralphie.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Bobby, maybe you should take a few minutes, too. You're no George Carlin, yourself.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Heh! That comeback was about as short and weak as your penis, Frisco!
Pathetic.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Lalo, I'd appreciate it if you'd use this thread as a little more than excuse to say "penis". I know it probably still makes you giggle to use the word, but to the rest of us, it's not funny.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Okay, dude, it's 1:50 and I've had far too much excitement for one day. I'm going to go pass out the way your drunken mother does. Only, I don't make it a habit to spread my legs when I go to bed.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Not an impressive exit, but at least you saved me from having to read any more of your blind stabs at insults.
Come to think of it, I've probably been more insulted by actual blind people.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Penis penis something about being bad at sex or something penis penis posturing.
Is it safe to assume I've just summed up the next three pages worth of posts for Eduardo?
BobbyK - You're causing me to want to pat you on the head and send you off to play with the chillin's.
You do realize that's the absolute last reaction you want to incite in someone during a flame-fest.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Awwww - now Frisco and I won't be able to play nice with each other anymore.
I mean, I guess we could join forces against BobbyK. But that would be like two sumos against an earwig.
A very inauspicious ending would ensue for poor BK, I fear.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
This coming from a person who hasn't said a single thing even remotely funny. Go back to polishing your motorcycle or whatever it is you butch chicks like to do. Go eat yourself.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Aha! Nothing is sacred! Not even Ralphie!
But I hope you have more than that up your sleeve, newbie...if not, prepare to become crispy.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Are you kidding me? She couldn't burn me if smothered me with her flaming gay ass. Then again, I can't hope to hurt her much. *Her* name is Ralphie, and she probably owns a mirror.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I can see I'm up against a worthy adversary.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
Ouch. Man. I waited 30 mins for that?!?! I'm going to bed. This has gotten LAME.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Quitters.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
What can I say, you inspire me.
Posted by @Ease (Member # 3066) on :
Nice picture, Pat. I didn't know BK was another of your alias's.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'm not sure Pat's contract with Subway allows you to use his name in conjunction with the letters "BK".
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
Man, Ralphie. Cirque de So-Lame has rubbed off on you. You're obviously taking your cues from some french midget who makes a living by being stuffed naked into a see-through ball for the amusement of others. Although, I guess you didn't feel too bad for him, seeing as you took him out to the Portland night scene afterwards and all. And by night scene I do mean your place. The crime rate of that city would drop quite a bit if they legalized prostitution. Or if you just moved out of town. And hey, whatever else you say about BobbyK, you have to give this to him: his mirror comment was pretty damned insightful. And yet here you are, still posing as the Mistress of Funny, too bad nobody wants to look at you. Things have gone downhill since you were 14. But hey, better thank Slash for slapping you around so much when you were younger; those puffy lips are all you’ve got going for you.
Frisco, it’s pathetic that you’re recycling threads like this. You really aren’t all that and a bag of potato chips. You’d think that doing nothing but sleeping with bears would give you time to think of something creative, at the very least. But, I suppose if you could think you’d have a real job. Yeah, yeah. I know you’ve “found love.” Catalogue #1499234B-12, didn’t you say? How’s that working out for you? Does she think you cool? Does she swoon over your “ghetto look”? Of course, if she’s going out with you I guess she must not be capable of meaningful conversation. You still with me, Frisco? Too many words with more than one syllable? Of course, now I bet you’re going to go back and edit all your posts and let someone else fight your battles while you go to bed. Whenever I finally think you’ve gotten the balls to say what you think you always back down and say you’re too tired. But I guess you hear that line a lot, don’t you?
Posted by Taberah (Member # 4014) on :
You all disgust me, and not a casual sort of nose-in-the-air distate, either. Rather, each and every one of you inspire gut-busting, throat-rending leg-quivering dry heaves usually reserved only for serious gastrointestinal disorders and election year political conventions. I'm disgusted because even when it comes to the most purile of pursuits--belittling another--you all descend to petty insults that a preschooler would reject for being too infantile.
Most of you spit out half-formed one-liners like a winning slot machine played with dirt-encrusted scabs, pausing only to drain the drool that keeps causing your keyboard to short out. Your so-called "quips" obviously require no more thought than the bare minimum required to forestall a coma, although I am confident that medical evidence will show that most of you should be catagorized as legally brain-dead.
Perhaps the most grating aspect of this thread is that so many of you have no concept of what a well-formed insult entails. It is an art form, but all I can find here are petty, uneducated idiots flinging feces across the dung heap. Philistines! Have you no creativity? Have you no panache? Perhaps you are being paid by the word for each scatalogical reference, with extra pennies for gutteral profanity. I came to Hatrack hoping for stinging verbal ripostes ablaze with wry humor and clever innuendoes. Instead, I find insults that could be easily turned aside by head-trauma patients. I suppose I should be glad there is no audio component to this forum, for there is little doubt that all of you would be reduced to inarticulate rude noises by now.
The true insult--a weapon that any gentleman is well aquainted with and is skilled in the use of--bears no resemblence to the pretentious tripe that has thus far littered this thread. A well-crafted insult requires devilish wit, a keen intellect, and lightning-fast reflexes. It is produced with a skill that is comparable to painting a masterpiece from the back of a galloping stallion. Some invectives have a delayed effect, bringing the victim to his knees minutes, hours, or even days afterwards when he realizes the meaning of the cunning barbs that shamed him before anyone in earshot. Other diatribes take effect immediately, reducing the victim to helpless tears and often inducing desperate coping measures. Frequent effects (doubtless affecting many of you even now) include bedwetting, thumb sucking, a loss of bowel control, post-tramatic stress disorder, and chocolate binges.
I'm terribly disappointed in all of you.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote:Bob the Lawyer and Taberah wrote:
OMG!! I posted in the interweb! I made a lot of words come up on the TV typewriter!! OMG HOLY CRAP WOW!!!1
Of course, I'm just summarizing. I didn't really read either post, just skimmed them for dirty words or anything else that would have made them interesting.
[ December 05, 2003, 02:52 AM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by @Ease (Member # 3066) on :
Taberah, were you gonna give us an example?
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Oooh Oooh! I want Ralphie to make fun of me now! Hooray! She's so smart!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
It seems I've given Bob a lot to work with over the time he's been here.
But I know nothing about him. Are you holding back, Bob, so you can piggyback on twinky's reputation as a good guy?
Anyway, it was a well articulated, if not actually insulting, diatribe. It's an advantage of the newbie to be able to fire without fear of retribution. Sort of like shooting from inside a bunker. Some might call it cowardly...but I just look at it as taking advantage of what little you've got. Well done.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote:Oooh Oooh! I want Ralphie to make fun of me now! Hooray! She's so smart!
Who are you, again?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Serial Whiner. Pay no attention.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
You know, you type pretty well for someone who's illiterate.
Got a team of monkeys working around the clock, do you?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I'd like to hug you with my fist, Zotto.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I notice BobbyK didn't come back for more.
Spank me surprised.
Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :
I have yet to see a whisp of brilliance worthy of a retort. Ralphie, common, I'm told you're good at this.... wtf? Frisco, again, nice ass buddy. Cyber-sluttin it huh? I can tell you spent a whole 5 seconds on your posts. Good job buddy.
I'll admit I snickered at some of your childish banter, after being so completely let down by BTL and Taberah's well-worded hollow blatherings.
But, this just doesn't hold my attention much. Hence my lack of participation. Call me when you get a clue. Night Night Children.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Is that why you're so shy and quiet, Zotto? Because you think people on the internet are all geriatric sexual deviants? That's so 1996.
Did you have a bad episode in which you accidentally had cybersex with your father?
Perhaps it's not Ralphie who's projecting, eh?
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote:You have to understand, Ralphie, that all of my secret little simian slave-worker fetishes are being projected on to you, and my bizarro Freudian monkey-longing makes me frequently imagine you as a damn dirty ape.
Fixt.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
And why does that newbie keep talking about my ass? Keep talking about it if you must, but know that it will never become funny or insulting.
Then again, what can I expect from a kid who apparently idolizes crappy, temper tantrum-throwing Midwest college basketball coaches?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
quote:Twisting my words around just so you two can piggy-back on MY insults
I thought it fitting, since that's really all you're doing. Should I be the only one doing the thinking just because I started the thread?
I've seen Xerox machines spit out more originality than I'm getting from you.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
quote:Oh, and yo momma.
And that's about as original as Strider...who at least had the common sense to drop out on page one when he realized he was in over his head.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
i'd like to point out which man I went after from the New Jersey Atlantic City get-together. Oh, that's right. Not Frisco.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Good to know you have a healthy knowledge of who's out of your league.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
, LOL!, or "hehe".