This is topic Kids... never go in unprepared in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
 
For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've Learned From My Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with Roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear
and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you will have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. Ceiling fans can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX. has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
What's most interesting to me about this is being able to trace the evolution of this list from a simple ten items ten years ago (and attributed to a man) to the twenty-five (and attributed to an Austin housewife) it is today.

[ November 17, 2003, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: TomDavidson ]
 

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Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
 
*grin*
 

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
Isn't Bob-s now in Austin? hmmmm.
 

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Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
 
What's most interesting to me is that some people can't just laugh at a humorous post, but instead have to feel superior with their I've seen this done, and done better, attitude.
 

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Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
 
Nice to see you too, Tom.

I got it from my sis-in-law in Oklahoma. It cracks me up because it reminds me so much of growing-up with my 4 little bros.

Did you also know that if you mix bleach with water it creates a liquid that looks suspiciously like milk?
Yep, and my brother Mike drank it because he was sure that he had invented a new source for milk.
Did you know that ER personell are not impressed with this "invention"?
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Cool it, beatnix. The day you post an ad for herbal viagra that I HAVEN'T already seen, I'll start caring about your opinions on E-mail forwards. *grin*

Seriously, though, I wasn't meaning to be critical; I DO think the most interesting thing about this joke is the way it's evolved over the last decade, kind of like the Bill Gates/GM one.
 

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Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
 
This one?

or

This one?

I'm not sure how extensive of a search you've done.

Sorry to be an a--, but a lot of people here seem to enjoy shooting down the ideas of others. Just an anoyance of mine. It's hard to read the intention behind a post sometimes.
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Trust me: if I thought LadyDove were emotionally invested in the repost of an E-mail forward, I'd hold my tongue.

[ November 17, 2003, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: TomDavidson ]
 

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Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
 
I've seen this before, too.

But, to me, Tom, the funniest thing is that when Ron and I first saw it, we thought the children were probably shamefully unsupervised, and that the parents were probably at fault.

Then we had kids.

I have seen a 14 month old open plantation shutters, pull up a window that was open just a crack, slip loose the tabs that hold the screen in place and climb out of the house in the time it took me to stir the cooked ground turkey into a pot of spaghetti sauce. That was in the spring.

In the fall, (when the weather was suitable for open windows, and my husband had forgotten my admonition to only open the windows from the top) it happened again in the amoount of time it took to deliver the folded laundry to various rooms upstairs. Fortuneately, the workers fixing the water main across the street saw him climb out and rang the doorbell. I open the door to a fella who doesn't speak good English holding my 2 year old's hand. I acn only assume that he was asking "Is this yours?"

I felt like a slug.

And now, through the miracle of time and experience, this email is waaaaay funnier than it used to be.
 

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Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
 

 

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Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
 

 

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Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
 

 

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Posted by luthe (Member # 1601) on :
 

quote:

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25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

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quote:

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You have to be pretty damn stupid to mix anything with bleach on purpose.

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quote:

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60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

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