Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long,it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
[ November 05, 2003, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
Were these written by high schoolers, or by Jack Handy?
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
As if you have never stapled your tongue to the wall.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
My favorite:
She had the grace of a three-legged gazelle falling down an escalator.
Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
I've seen these before, but they're still awesome.
Ni!
Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
These are charming.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I thought you'd like them, Irami. Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :
You know, the funniest part is how you can see situations where these might actually be appropriate.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Task for the day.
Take one at random and write a 1000 word short story about it.
Begin. .
.
.
..
Now.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
quote:He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
LOL. That's great. Sounds like something I would write.
::boom:: "QUACK!!!!"
Maybe the duck he's referring to is that Aflac duck.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
We had to make up our own bad metaphors for AP English IV last year. Here are a few we came up with:
Amy's (one of my best friends) brain was as active as a flatline on a heart monitor.
He shot, and the bullet went as straight as the law. Of course, it missed its target.
He was as quiet as an 18-wheeler in a tunnel filled with water, with a cop car behind it demanding that it pull over.
That's all I can think of at the moment...
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
These sound like something you'd see on Homestar Runner.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I just passed these around the office, and sent one of my coworkers into a hysterical fit of laughter. She needs Oxygen.
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)