I don't normally do this but I'm going to unload on you all now.
My mother-in-law was just diagnosed with lung cancer (poorly differentiated non-small cell carcinoma). She has a thumb nail size mass in her left lung. It in a periferal lobe so it would be operable except that her overall health picture make surgery an unacceptable risk. She has been loosing weight for the past year and now needs to gain at least 40 pounds to be at the low end of normal weight. She is 75 and five and still mentally with it and as recently as a year ago she was still very active. The doctor recommended radiation therapy but even with that the long term prognosis is pretty bleak.
Additional complications include that she has been caring for an invalid daughter for the past decade. Right now the two of them are trying to take care of each other, but not really succeeding.
Rich and I are the only family in the area so the primary burden for helping them falls on us. Rich just started a second teaching job in addition to his work at the University so he is overwhelmed without this. Even if he weren't, he really isn't capable on an emotional level of the patience they require. Which means that I'm the one who ends up holding the bag. Which I woulnd't mind except that I normally work about 70 hours a week. I'm up for tenure review next year and I'm falling apart at the seems.
Whine, whine, whine.
[ October 28, 2003, 09:54 PM: Message edited by: The Rabbit ]
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
((((Rabbit)))) Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
You're not whining Rabbit, you're a fine, caring human being who has the weight of the world on her shoulders. I wish I could offer advice on how to ease the burden, but can only offer my sincerest support and belief that you will share your strengths to the tasks as they are needed, and then some.
My prayers and hopes are with you and yours. Be strong!
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Could you afford to hire someone to help out, at least part of the time? Do you have the space to offer room and board to someone in exchange for help?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hobbes Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
oh! Lots of love and support for dear Rabbit (((((Rabbit and family)))))))))
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Rabbit, it's so close to home for me that I don't think I can offer good advice. I struggled with this myself some months ago, and if my mother would have agreed to hospice, that would have been the way to go. (For her, free room and board, access to a garden, good pain control.) Unfortunately, you have more than one person to worry about, and your situation is likely vastly different from mine.
Email if you need to vent. Let me know if you need my phone number, too -- it's one of the hardest times.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Rabbit, Sopwith is right. That's hardly a whine.
Prayers and lots of ((((((((((Rabbit&family))))))))))
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
(((((Rabbit)))))
Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
I wish I had something useful to say . . .
(((((Rabbit)))))
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
Our prayers are with you Rabbit! I'm so sorry.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Thanks all.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 619) on :
(((Rabbit)))
Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
<<<<<Rabbit>>>>>
I'm so sorry! Have you tried calling on the Mormon ladies' net? You definitely need some help!
<<<prayers>>>
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
My mother-in-law is not Mormon and she is very hesitant to ask for help so I haven't called in the Mormon ladies yet. It is something of a delicate balance trying to respect her wishes and yet making sure that she is not neglected and that I am not overwhelmed.
Actually, I'm also very hesitant to ask for help. Maybe thats the real reason I haven't called in the Relief Society militia yet.
Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
Don't be reluctant. That's the Relief Society's job! Give them a chance to be of use to you! <<<<<Rabbit>>>>>
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
((Rabbit))
Keep in mind that your first responsibility is to yourself; if you try to take on more than is possible for you to do, and burn out, you won't be doing anyone any favors. If you need help, get it. I had no idea that there was a volunteer group in place that would help you out; that's great news! If you decide that you can't use their help, though, definitly consider other options.
I'm sorry that you're having to experience this.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
(((Rabbit)))
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
(((Rabbit)))
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
I going to echo everyone here in saying that is definately not a whine.
I'll also say that these are times that Relief Society help was created for. You've helped others, I'm sure. Now it's your turn. We can't always be the ones on the giving end. Sometimes we have to recieve, even as we are giving out to others.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
OK, This time I'm really going to whine.
I spent the 8 hours yesterday in the hospital with my mom-in-law to have a 1 hour procedure done. After spending a day wrangling with the insurance company, the office scheduled her to have a PEG line put in at 10:30 am on Friday. My mom-in-law was head of dietetics at this hospital until she retired and so she called up some of her friends to get some details. They checked around to find out exactly where the procedure was being done and discovered, it hadn't actually been scheduled. Thursday, after a long stream of calls to the doctor and the hospital, I finally got confirmation from woth the Same day surgery desk and the Angiography department that the surgery was on for 10:30 am for friday morning.
We showed up on friday morning to discover that the angiography department did not have her on the list and that she had been scheduled for the wrong procedure in radiology. After more hassles and many phone calls we finally got her on track to get the PEG line. All this hassle was extremely un-nerving to Helene and by the time we finally got her checked in she was on the verge of a panic attack. She was climbing out of her skin, couldn't sit still and was shaking. We tried to get them to give her a setative to calm her down but the nurses said they couldn't find a doctor to prescibe it. Why on earth couldn't they find a doctor in a hospital? They finally decided that since she would be given versed (sp?) for the procedure, they would just wait.
Three very long hours later, she was finally brought in for surgery. Just as they were coming to take her to surgery, her IV line pulled out and she was shaking so badly it took them 6 tries to get another in. She had a severe subdermal bleed where the first IV pulled out and bruises up and down both her arms.
Then, when we finally got out of the hospital we were told that home health would come by that evening to delivery the supplies and equipment for us to feed her throught the PEG line. Around 7pm they called and said that they wouldn't be able to come until very late.
At 9am this morning they still hadn't come. We called in and it turns out, they didn't have any orders to come. At this point in time, the last thing Helene needs is to be repeatedly traumatized by the health care system. I would pass this off as an exception but this has been typical of the last two weeks.
What does one have to do to simply get the right orders to the right people?
[ October 25, 2003, 06:08 PM: Message edited by: The Rabbit ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Sounds like a truly awful day.
(((((Rabbit))))) (((((Rabbit's MIL)))))
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
*shakes head*
Just stay in their face, Rabbit. Only thing you can do.
(((Rabbit)))
Posted by Theca (Member # 1629) on :
That sounds like a really rough day.
Sounds like one problem was poor communication with the doctor. The specific doctor who ordered the PEG tube, or the one actually inserting it. What, noone can page the guy? They manage to reach most of us 24/7. Doctor's orders can cut thru a lot of stuff.
The radiology department often puts G tubes in, btw, is that what she was scheduled for? Because it would work just as well, it just gets put in by a radiologist instead of a gastroenterologist. It is a very easy procedure, I put PEG tubes in as a resident doctor several times. Also I don't know how the home health people would have known to call you last night unless they actually DID have an order at some point. And if they didn't have an order, a simple call to the doctor on call should take care of that. And they should have called back to explain the delay, most home health folk do.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
It turns out that the home health care people did have the orders, they just lost them. Grrrrr!!
Yes Theca, MIL was mis-schedualed to have a nasal-gastric tube rather than a PEG. There are a variety of reasons why this was inappropriate in her case. She was ultimately given a PEJ (jujunal) rather than gastric feeding tube. I'm still trying to get through to the doctor to find out why he ordered a PEJ rather than a PEG and who screwed up the original orders.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*hugs Rabbit*
This is definitely not a whine. This is very big stuff. It's hard on you to be the one to take care - I'm sure you're doing a splendid job.
For Rabbit Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Maybe if I added the proper vocalization?
I'm glad you guys don't think I'm whining because I feel like I'm whining.
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
Rabbit, hope everything works out fine for you and yours. My grandmother was very ill not many time ago, and me and my family suffered a lot, so I guess I can figure how you are feeling. Hope my prayers can reach you. Trust in God and be strong, because you have the greatest power in the universe working at your side.
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