1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in Housewares" . . . and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"
Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :
I might actually try one or two of those. I have family members working there...
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
I approve.
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
As Dr.M and I were walking out of our WalMart, he turned to me and said, "I used to play the telescope in my high school band."
Our marriage is such that I kept on walking and checking to make sure I had put all the bags in the buggy. But then he poked me and pointed at the display. There was a full band set up, complete with drumset, 3 guitars, amps, and music stands and in the middle of it all was a telescope on a tripod. Why?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
It got lost? Or lonely?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Music of the spheres, no doubt!
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
This is totally lame email fodder, but it's making me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
I'm a fan of taking cans of Spam or other forms of canned/potted meats from the shelves of supermarkets and placing them in other locations in the store. The goal is to create either a jarring (no pun intended) or intriguing {hmmmm, deviled ham and peanut butter -- why not?) effect.
My favorite place to do this is at Long's where there are fishing, cosmetic, fabric, electronic and hardware departments as well as a pharmacy.
Please note: I do not necessarily condone this practice, and I certainly don't call it 'spamming' -- its proper name is 'strategic canned meat placing' --; However, I do expect it to be selected any minute now as an exhibition sport for next year's Olympics, which will be held in Athens.
EDIT: cleared up that the canned meats are placed elsewhere in the store and not in locations outside the store. I've heard that there are those who do this, but I consider it a degenerate form of the sport that clearly isn't consonant with the 1995 Bill of Akron rules or the 2001 'double-can place' variation of the game pioneered by Vartran Schworinsky.
[ October 09, 2003, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: Zalmoxis ]
Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
I have irresistable urges to juggle produce in grocery stores.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
I got this on e-mail the other day, but it was 14. Number 9 wasn't there. I love number 14! It's my favorite!
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
16. Give a lap dance to the Ronald McDonald statue in the McDonald's concession area (assuming your Wal-Mart has one). My friend did this once, and when an employee tried to stop her, she made him show her where the tampons were.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
HaHa! that's awfull... Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
Anne kate-me too! I blame the Sound of Music. That's what started me on the idea. At my old job, I even did juggle things, just because it was fun to tease the cooks by juggling things instead of giving them to them
Also, for the senior prank at my school last year, seniors brought locks for lockers and alarm clocks, and set the clocks at varying times so they were going off the whole time after we'd left. Jenny says it was hilarious to watch
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote: 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
"Dear God! He's making his own theme music! Big, dumb and tone deaf!"
Posted by Rappin' Ronnie Reagan (Member # 5626) on :
There are 50 fun things to do at Walmart. What happened to the other 35? And one day I will complete that list. One day. edit: linkage 50 fun things
[ October 09, 2003, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: Rappin' Ronnie Reagan ]
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Capable. That is one very cool chaos rant, there lady!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I'm so glad I was unconscious for this.
[EDIT: Spelling plus I posted tried to post this two posts earlier. What happened? ]
Hobbes
[ October 09, 2003, 08:32 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Fifty of 'em! That was great! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *cleans up wet chair* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote: I'm so glad I was unconscious for this.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
RRR, cool! I so want to do this one
quote: 17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
but I'd never be able to keep a straight face long enough.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
I was at the mall the other day and two people came up to me and said "I'm lost, can you tell me where my house is?" I could tell they were joking 'cuz they couldn't keep strait faces, but it was still weird.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I think it's clear you should have given them very definite directions.
Hobbes Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
I should have.....darn it!
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Wallmart hockey! Go into the sports section. Get a wiffle ball and hockey sticks and run around with them I did this at a K Mart once. *is so mature.* And I sprawled on the floor of a Walmart in Colorado and the woman said, Get off the Floor.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Bring an old looking map. Walk aaroung looking confused, refer to the map, and the look around shielding your eyes from the sky with your hand.
Hobbes
[ October 09, 2003, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Ask customer service if they really do what you think they do.
Hobbes Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
The only funny thing I've ever done at Wal-Mart was buy a paintball gun and a nail file at the same time. The cashier looked at me verrrry funny......
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Ask if they still sell "you know...". Look really nervous while doing so.
If they ask "Is that all?" tell them you'd like fries with it.
Hobbes Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Ask the employees if they know how the horse race turned out. [EDIT: if there is a horse race going on and they know of it. Look frustrated and say "yes, but how many ran?"]
Take all the socks off the shelves and set up your own sock display. Use duct tape.
Find where there intercom is and begin having a telephone conversation. When asked to stop tell them the calls for them and hand over the mike.
When checking out say you have no money, then pretend to be a time traveler in desperate need to get back to your time.
Ask an employee how many calories various bathroom accesories contain.
Wait tell someone comes to purchase milk, then open up a milk cartoon, take a whiff, and act as if gassed.
Ask an employee where the man is. When question what man, tell them the one that keeps putting you down. Act angry.
Make an employee show lead you to the condoms and act really uncomfortable the whole way.
Ask an employee "where did you pick up those mighty fine duds?"
Hobbes
[ October 09, 2003, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
*cleans up chair again*
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
Walk in with a gun and shout, "I'll kill you all!"
Wait, maybe that's a bad thing to do.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
When you ride the bikes around in the toy section at Walmart, they don't even get mad. Even if you tell them to yell at your friend over the intercom, they probably won't.
They do get mad at you for doing that at Costco, though. But it's OK - we still go to Costco for lunch on Saturdays. (sample day!)
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Wear a shirt that says “I have turette’s syndrome”. Then act very mild mannered and never swear.
Look confused and ask an employee if you live there.
Wave your hands in the air like you don’t care.
Ask where the milk is. Insist to be lead there and when you arrive say “no, I mean the milk.”
Ask an employee how to get to WalMart. Tell them you’ve been all over town looking.
Get one of the battery powered cars for kids, then try to use a check-out lane as a drive through.
Pretend to be building inspector, ask to talk the manager, and them inform him or her that their store is missing a dimension.
Hobbes Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Set your pet tarantula loose in the store.
Or, just "free" the fish.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
@ original ideas from hatrackers
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Tell the employees that you're giving a sex seminar in about an hour in the parking lot and their manager asked them to attend.
Give the seminar.
Try to get people waiting in the check-out lane to do the wave.
Compliment the chasier on their scanning. Be creative.
Read a suicide note as you are purchasing a box of twinkies.
If buying condoms wink at the cashier. This is especially effective if the cashier is male.
Tell an employee that all their base are belong to you.
Ask who set you up the bomb.
Tell an employee you know them from 10th grade English. If they pretend to know you, ask for a discount.
Hobbes
[ October 09, 2003, 10:07 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
OK, I counted and I have posted 29 fun things to do at WalMart. I think more people should be making these up. Like Icarus, in penance for never completeling his tract spoof.
30. Build a fort out of the pillows
31. Tell the employees to play that funky music. Then look at them closer, apologize, and ask where the cherries are.
32. Keep giving the cashier suspicious looks while they are checking you out. Then, jump away and shout at the top of your voice "I know where I know you from!". Then shout for the police
33. Come to the store with boxing gloves on. Ask anyone in it if there dream was to one day fight the mid-wieght boxing champion.
34. Bring in an inflable doll and shot rubber bands at the employees. Whenever they look at you, blame the doll.
35. Ask a female employee to show you their melons. Repeat for knockers.
Hobbes Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I didn't finish it because it was taking a long time, and then I looked and saw that Ralphie had done the exact same one I was working on.
And I just don't feel that creative tonight. Snarky, yes. Creative, no.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I forgive you.
36. Put ketchup on your hands, then wait for a viechle with a siren to pass by. Run into the store holding your hands out and frantically ask an employee where the bathroom is.
37. Dress up like an employee and see how many customers you can escort out of the store before you're kicked out yourself.
38. Wear a ridiclous mask (i.e. a Richard Nixon mask) and ask where the gun counter is.
39. When asked how you will be paying for your purchase look confused and inform them that you thought this was funkytown. When they try to figure out what you mean hand over cash and leave immeaditly without explaining.
40. Walk by an employee and loudly comment "I'm glad somebody is doing the Lord's work"
Hobbes
[ October 09, 2003, 11:04 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by HollowEarth (Member # 2586) on :
My god. The jackasses that would tell me how great my A+ minimart ties were this summer should die. Don't do that the employees leave the uniforms they're forced to wear alone.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Huh?
Hobbes Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Hobbes, I think 37 is my fav
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
41. Aks an employee where the atlas's are. If they have them, ask for driving instructions to Kalamazo.
42. Bring in a plastic ring to the jelwery department and ask for it to be sizied down.
43. Wearing a surgical mask begin to take apart a fan on display.
44. Go to the store in full hunting gear and then tip toe around. If an employee asks if they can help you tell them to be very very queit, your hunting rabits.
45. Come in wearing a suit and tie with a clipboard. Tell the employees your there to evaluate the store and you'd like them to answer a short survey. Continue to ask more and mroe personal questions ("are you currently dating?") until they refuse to asnwer.
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hmm, re-reading those I think I'm too tired to be funny. Maybe I should stop...
Hobbes
[ October 10, 2003, 12:33 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
As a side note, at the beginning of the summer my whole family (Grandpa included) went up to a town in the mountains. My Grandpa went into a store to purchase some milk and commented to the (teenage female) clerk on the weather. It was cold but supposed to get better (according to her) so my Grandpa said “the winter of my discontent made glorious summer” and then stopped when he realized she was giving him a completely blank stare.
Hobbes Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
That was me.
It wasn't funny.
*glare*
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
46. Ask an employee to lead you to the chips. When you get there remark “Ahh, OK” and walk off.
47. Hold up socks to your feet as if trying them out. Ask passing customers if they think the socks make you look fat.
48. Stand next to a rack of dresses, whenever someone picks one out exclaim “You’re going to buy that?” Then pretend you meant nothing by it.
49. If you feel uncomfortable asking employees very personal questions, perform 45 only ask precedingly more random questions (“what is your favorite section of Bartlett’s famous quotations?”)
50. Try to get the employees to form a union. If you can’t, try to get the customers to form one.
Hobbes
[ October 10, 2003, 01:00 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Mack, you live in Grand Lake? We need to arrange a get together!
Hobbes Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Hobbes - these are hilarious. I'm a little frightened to find out where they're coming from. I especially like #40
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
You forgot:
If you're in one of the big Wal-Marts with groceries, take a random item from the frozen section and ask an employee about it's health benefits.
And...
Sit on a bench outside and look helpless. Then give people the "how-could-you" look as they walk into the store.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
you may or may not be surprised at how many people actually relieve themselves in the dressing rooms of department stores.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
eeeeeew!
quote: I have irresistable urges to juggle produce in grocery stores.
Some friends and I were almost kicked out of the Eaton Center for juggling. We were just trying to pass over a fountain and up the escalator Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
quote:Hobbes - these are hilarious. I'm a little frightened to find out where they're coming from.
Me too.
Hobbes Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
quote: Ask the employees if they know how the horse race turned out. [EDIT: if there is a horse race going on and they know of it. Look frustrated and say "yes, but how many ran?"]
The day of any of the triple crown races, but especially the Derby there is virtually no horse racing question that will seem odd to people here.
(I've heard both of those queastions asked seriously to cashiers at stores, and waiters at resturaunts without TV's)
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
OK, as an excuse to bump this thread, I'm posting my list of fifty fun things to do at WalMart.
1. Bring an old looking map. Walk around looking confused, refer to the map, and the look around shielding your eyes from the sky with your hand. 2. Ask customer service if they really do what you think they do. 3. Ask if they still sell "you know...". Look really nervous while doing so. 4. If they ask "Is that all?" tell them you'd like fries with it. 5. Ask the employees if they know how the horse race turned out. If there is a horse race going on and they know of it. Look frustrated and say "yes, but how many ran?" 6. Take all the socks off the shelves and set up your own sock display. Use duct tape. 7. Find where there intercom is and begin having a telephone conversation. When asked to stop tell them the calls for them and hand over the mike. 8. When checking out say you have no money, then pretend to be a time traveler in desperate need to get back to your time. 9. Ask an employee how many calories various bathroom accessories contain. 10. Wait tell someone comes to purchase milk, then open up a milk cartoon, take a whiff, and act as if gassed. 11. Ask an employee where the man is. When question what man, tell them the one that keeps putting you down. Act angry. 12. Make an employee show lead you to the condoms and act really uncomfortable the whole way. 13. Ask an employee "where did you pick up those mighty fine duds?" 14. Wear a shirt that says “I have turette’s syndrome”. Then act very mild mannered and never swear. 15. Look confused and ask an employee if you live there. 16. Wave your hands in the air like you don’t care. 17. Ask where the milk is. Insist to be lead there and when you arrive say “no, I mean the milk.” 18. Ask an employee how to get to WalMart. Tell them you’ve been all over town looking. 19. Get one of the battery powered cars for kids, then try to use a check-out lane as a drive through. 20. Pretend to be building inspector, ask to talk the manager, and them inform him or her that their store is missing a dimension. 21. Tell the employees that you're giving a sex seminar in about an hour in the parking lot and their manager asked them to attend. 22. Give the seminar. 23. Try to get people waiting in the check-out lane to do the wave. 24. Compliment the cashier on their scanning. Be creative. 25. Read a suicide note as you are purchasing a box of Twinkies. 26. If buying condoms wink at the cashier. This is especially effective if the cashier is male. 27. Tell an employee that all their base are belong to you. 28. Ask who set you up the bomb. 29. Tell an employee you know them from 10th grade English. If they pretend to know you, ask for a discount. 30. Build a fort out of the pillows 31. Tell the employees to play that funky music. Then look at them closer, apologize, and ask where the cherries are. 32. Keep giving the cashier suspicious looks while they are checking you out. Then, jump away and shout at the top of your voice "I know where I know you from!". Then shout for the police 33. Come to the store with boxing gloves on. Ask anyone in it if there dream was to one day fight the mid-weight boxing champion. 34. Bring in an inflatable doll and shot rubber bands at the employees. Whenever they look at you, blame the doll. 35. Ask a female employee to show you their melons. Repeat for knockers. 36. Put ketchup on your hands, then wait for a vehicle with a siren to pass by. Run into the store holding your hands out and frantically ask an employee where the bathroom is. 37. Dress up like an employee and see how many customers you can escort out of the store before you're kicked out yourself. 38. Wear a ridiculous mask (i.e. a Richard Nixon mask) and ask where the gun counter is. 39. When asked how you will be paying for your purchase look confused and inform them that you thought this was funky town. When they try to figure out what you mean hand over cash and leave immediately without explaining. 40. Walk by an employee and loudly comment "I'm glad somebody is doing the Lord's work" 41. Ask an employee where the atlas's are. If they have them, ask for driving instructions to Kalamazoo. 42. Bring in a plastic ring to the jewelry department and ask for it to be sized down. 43. Wearing a surgical mask begin to take apart a fan on display. 44. Go to the store in full hunting gear and then tip toe around. If an employee asks if they can help you tell them to be very, very quiet, your hunting rabbits. 45. Come in wearing a suit and tie with a clipboard. Tell the employees your there to evaluate the store and you'd like them to answer a short survey. Continue to ask more and more personal questions ("are you currently dating?") until they refuse to answer. 46. Ask an employee to lead you to the chips. When you get there remark “Ahh, OK” and walk off. 47. Hold up socks to your feet as if trying them out. Ask passing customers if they think the socks make you look fat. 48. Stand next to a rack of dresses, whenever someone picks one out exclaim “You’re going to buy that?” Then pretend you meant nothing by it. 49. If you feel uncomfortable asking employees very personal questions, perform 45 only ask precedingly more random questions (“what is your favorite section of Bartlett’s famous quotations?”) 50. Try to get the employees to form a union. If you can’t, try to get the customers to form one.
Hobbes Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
If it weren't so impractical, it would be really funny to transpose the W and the M. Mal Wart.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
Zal's 'strategic canned meat placing' from the first page should be called SCAMPING (Strategic CAnned Meat PlacING), not to be confused with shrimp scampi, of course.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
Sorry, guys, but I've got one my fiancee and I actually did about a month ago. Two people are required for this.
When walking into the store, wait until the greeter says 'Hi, thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart'. Walk up to the greeter and say 'pickled fish?' When he/she asks what you said, get impatient, and ask again. When they say (inevitably) that they either don't know, or that they think the pickled fish are in the food section, walk off, angrily saying 'pickled fish' to the person that you're with. Your companion should answer you back with 'Yeah, I know. Go figure' or reply back with 'pickled fish!' Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Buy the cheapest item you can find, and while you're at the check-out counter ask the cashier if the AOL free trial disks are really free. When they say yes, pick up the whole stack and put it in your bag. Repeat at all other counters.
Try to sell the AOL disks outside the store for 25 cents each, when people decline, complain loudly about how no one knows a good deal when they see one any more.
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We need to arrange a get together! ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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