Happy 18th! A cost-benefit analysis "Today Tony, my oldest son, turns eighteen. In celebration of this momentous occasion -- and of the looming specter of my own mortality that it engenders -- I'd like to take a moment to reflect on the results of eighteen years of parenting and family life, i.e. what he owes us. "I'm not talking about the money spent on him thus far, which comes to approximately $139, 074 (according to figures from the U.S.D.A. 2001 Cost of Raising a Child table, something that clearly fails to factor in the price of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures). That's chump change. I'm talking about the daily costs and pressures of raising a child versus the advantages and blessings. Let's see how he did, shall we?"
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Awww, that was good! Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Your columns rock! Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Chris, how could anyone possibly rebel against you? Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
As my son said Monday night, "I was sitting around with some friends, coming up with a list of things I could do after Wednesday. Thanks to having cool and ridiculously permissive parents, everything I could do then that's at all interesting, I've already done. Everything left to me is bad: I can be tried as an adult, my signature is legally binding, I can be kicked out, there's that whole selective service thing..."
He said the only things that really changed were that he could buy cigarettes (he doesn't smoke) and buy (or star in) porn. He hasn't mentioned any cinematic dreams, so I think we're safe there.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Become a kneejerk, straight ticket political party member (any party)? Become a dogmatic fundamental religionist (any religion)? I'd worry if he joined any organization he didn't constantly question and challenge.
He does like rap, but he doesn't like anything from the "cops are fun to kill, women are handy receptacles" genre. And he likes The Doors, The Beatles, Weird Al, and Tom Lehrer And he turned me on to Dream Theater awhile back.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Holy cow, your son is a Dream Theater fan?
You must be a GREAT parent!
(i have possibly the largest Dream Theater collection in existence)
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
What's your/his favorite album?
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I'll ask, but I suspect he makes his own mix cds.
What really, really bugged me was that Dream Theater came through here a few months ago, with Queensryche, and we couldn't go. Grumble grumble...
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I saw that tour here in KC (with the bald guy from the Dean pic in the other thread).
Fates Warning, Queensryche, Dream Theater all in one. Obviously DT stole the show... of course it's kinda rude to put a progressive metal group at the END of a three-four hour concert, but still.
I've seen 'em live several times.
They have a new album coming out on Nov. 11!
[ October 01, 2003, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Caleb Varns ]
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I was a big Queensryche fan, so this would have been great. But we all went to see Weird Al (with Bob Scoptaz!) and we'll be seeing Dave Atell and Lewis Black soon...
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
Operation Mindcrime is SUCH a great album.
I saw queensryche with iron maiden and halford a couple years ago. What an amazing concert for 80's metal lovers.
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I've never really been a big queensryche fan, but most people I know who like Dream Theater like them too, so I just play along. Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
O_o Your son sounds eerily like me, Chris... REALLY eerily like me. Aside from purple sneakers and model UN, we could be the same person. (Oh, and that he's male, and I am not)
O_o Excuse me while I am disturbed.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
If it helps any, he's prety girly...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
That was great, Chris!
As an oldest child, I particularly enjoyed your sanctioning fratricide. Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Chris...Tell Tony happy birthday for me. He likes the Doors - this means he's a good man with great taste in music.
And, to whoever mentioned Queensryche's "Operation Mindcrime", yes, it is a great album.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
If I had a son, I'd want him to be just like Tony. Of course, that would mean sending the kid to you to raise...
Y'all need to visit Texas soon. Hey! Tony could rebel against you by becoming an Aggie!!! That'd work.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
quote: He possesses amazing powers of procrastination and I'll have to talk to him about that one of these days.
What a great article! he sounds like an awesome kid and I'm sure he appreciates the article as well (though his brother might not...)
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Woke up this morning around four a.m. from a dream about bathrooms. When I got back to bed my wife Teresa stirred and then took a quick trip herself. When she got back we snuggled back down and hugged for a moment, and then she said, in tones of doom, "We have an adult." "Yes, we do," I said. "Physically, at least." "But that's not possible. We're still kids." "True. But we're kids who can't sleep through the night without a bathroom break." I couldn't be positive in the dark, but I'm pretty sure I felt a glare.
[ October 02, 2003, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
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You must be a GREAT parent!![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
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