This is topic a question for anyone with experience... in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/main/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=017531

Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
How do you fall OUT of love...?

Sigh.
 
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
 
((((Paul))))

the person who comes up with *that* answer will be awarded medals from every nation on Earth, my friend.
 
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
 
Cheat. But I don't recommend it....

Edit -- And (((Ev))) [Frown]

[ August 13, 2003, 11:04 PM: Message edited by: Papa Moose ]
 
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
 
(((((Paul)))))

I wish I knew. [Frown]

[ August 14, 2003, 03:39 AM: Message edited by: tonguetied&twisted ]
 
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
 
Write yourself a letter detailing why it is better to open yourself up to new relationships, rather than settle for the one that is not working. Keep the letter with you all the time, and when you start to feel longing for the person, read the letter and remind yourself why you've decided to move on.

Be brutally honest in the letter, yet fair to yourself and the other person. It will only work if the reasons are genuine and the tone is reasonable.

It's not fun. It's like getting a shot each time you read the letter. But each time you read it, the need will be just a little bit less, until one day you realize that you haven't looked at the letter for weeks and when you read it, it will be with a sense of nostalia, rather than pain.

Good luck, Paul.
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
Problem is, I've loved the same girl since 3rd grade [Smile] Nothing has really changed to alter how I feel about her, probably in large part because we've never been more then close friends.

Thank you though. Thats a good idea.
 
Posted by Redskullvw (Member # 1549) on :
 
Paul

Letter writing is a good answer. One way to finally move on is to rember what you loved <or still love> about her and open your eyes to all those around you who exhibt some of the same traits. Dont expect to every really replace her, because you cant. She will always own a small part of your hart, but she will never likely own so much of your heart that you cant fall in love again.

The good thing is when you do fall in love again you will recognize it more quickly, and strive to make it richer when it happens.

Short version, you never stop loving a person you were in love with, but by moving on you expose yourself to deeper and more meaningful levels of love.

God thats was sappy of me... time to go back into lurker mode.
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
"Nothing gets you over someone like getting under someone else."

These words, while they seem shallow, are in fact very wise regardless of how literally you choose to interpret them.

In other words, date. Meet other girls. Hopefully, sooner or later you'll realize that the girl who currently tugs at your heartstrings isn't the perfect goddess you believed her to be, and that in fact there are things about girls X, Y, and Z (who you have dated by this point) that you prefer.

In early 2002 I found myself trying to put four years of head-over-heels love behind me. Actually, that wasn't directly my intent; my intent was to raise my chances of meeting new and interesting women above zero (and, by extension, put The Girl™ behind me). I sat down and looked at my life and thought about the things I'd need to change in order to accomplish that (it helped that at the time I was living alone in the middle of nowhere for four months). After reaching some conclusions (the most prominent of which was "get out more"), I went back to school and applied them. I didn't actually date anyone new for quite a while, I just made a point of going out to bars and clubs with my friends and enjoying myself on the dance floor. If I happened to catch a smile, or even better, a smoldering "come hither" from a cutie on the dance floor I'd groove with said cutie for a bit but be sure to make an exit before the possibility of further contact was raised. It was a huge confidence booster – who doesn't like to feel sexy and desireable?

Because I was definitely not looking for any sort of committment – not even so much as dating – I did wind up having to break one poor girl's heart (I'd feel bad, but I don't take kindly to being manipulated and I definitely felt like she was trying to manipulate me).

Then that fall the double train cuties happened, and not only did I find myself all set to date again – provided there was no stated desire for committment off the bat, at any rate, which was what killed it for the summer girl – I also found myself dating two girls at one (albeit briefly).

(One thing I never mentioned in that thread was that Train Cutie #1 is nine years my senior [Wink] )

So. I am proof that it can be done. I really was in honest-to-goodness capital L-O-V-E "Love." The genuine article. But I just picked up and moved on, and while the feelings stayed strong for a long time, they did eventually go into suspended animation.
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
Instead of focusing on all the reasons you love her, focus on all the really gross things she does that you overlook because of it. Remember that time she got drunk and puked all over you? Remember how bitchy she can be about getting her own way? You know, things like that. (It really helps if they pick their nose or something. [Wink] )
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Kayla's advice is also sound. Convince yourself that she is not perfect and then you'll realize that it was always true. [Smile]
 
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
 
<sighs> I have no idea.
 
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
What worked for me was something along the lines of what Kayla suggested. You squelch longing down with memories of hurt and pain. Sort of the opposite of how I used to get past hurt and pain by focusing on the good times.

But, the good news is, up until a couple months back, I was sure I would never find an answer to your question either. But now, I have other things to worry about instead. [Wink]

What got me past it was two things: time (this is a biggie -- be sure to give yourself plenty, it's important) and friends. RL friends, two in particular, who I spent hours and hours talking with. Who have known me (and my ex) for years, and helped me see things clearly, over and over, as many times as I needed. And online friends (mostly from the other forum I frequent), who gave me new perspectives, and who were there at 2am. [Big Grin]

Good luck, Paul, and (((((Paul))))).
 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
Well, I can personally testify that continuing to have casual sex with the person on a fairly regular basis for two years doesn't help the process of getting over them along much. Neither does convincing yourself that you still have a chance, when in fact you don't.

The letter is a great suggestion, and the people that have said "time and friends" are right, I think.

Twink's suggestion about going out and flirting, but not dating, seems like a good one to me. I know that dating itself didn't help me much. Well, actually, ultimately it did I suppose, but only by virtue of the incredible centeredness, perception, and personality of the person I started dating. Early in my relationship with my wife, C, I was still pining over this person that I'd been involved with years ago. C sensed the distance in me and asked me about it. After talking about it, she just asked me if I really still wanted to be with this person, and volunteered to help me get back together with her if I wanted to. She suggested that I really think about it, keeping in mind that the person that had hurt me, and over whom I'd been pining, was a 17 year old girl (that having been her age when I went out with her--I'm not a cradle robber!). Somehow that offer, which I could tell was completely genuine, made me really stop and think about this situation in a fresh light, and what I had felt for the old girlfriend just evaporated on the spot.

Also, I think that deep down there's a level of yourself you can connect with, from which you can simply say "no, this isn't healthy for me. I refuse to continue in this way any longer." I haven't had the opportunity to use that technique to fall out of love (haven't had the need since I discovered it in myself) but it's worked for me for changing other hard-to-change things like depression.
 
Posted by Cavalier (Member # 3918) on :
 
Take a few laps around Castle Island* with a burger from Sullivan's*. I can't gurantee it will work, but it's a nice place to walk. Also good for dates with "someone else", eh?

*I think you'd have to be from MA (possibly even Boston specifically) to get this
 
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
 
For me what seemed to help was getting my heart broken by the girl. I too was in love with my best friend, and we did end up having a serious relationship. If we hadn't, I probably still would think of her as the "perfect girl" who I will always be in love with. Since I was with her though I know this isn't true.

I stopped believing in fate, soulmates, destiny, divine intervention, and all that stuff. She was just a girl. A great girl, unique in a lot of ways, but still just a girl.

Since that realization, not only am I "out of love" with her, but I am a much stronger emotionally, less obsessive, and just plain happier. We even became close friends again recently.

Now, is there a reason you have loved her for so long and only been close friends? Why don't you make a move? or have you?

[ August 14, 2003, 03:23 AM: Message edited by: Xavier ]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
No, I get it, Cav, and I'm from Wayland *Grin*
 
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
 
(((((Paul)))))
It will certainly be hard, but you'll heal. And love often happens to appear when you feel most desesperate, so...
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
Xavier-
I made a "move" a couple times. She's always wanted me as a friend, though. I'm not sure if she knows how I really feel, but she definetely knows I like her as more then a friend.
 
Posted by Cavalier (Member # 3918) on :
 
I figured you would

[sings] Massholes stick together! [/sings]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
You're being a doormat, Paul.

Yes, this is bad.
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
I know I am.
Thats why I want to get out of this mess [Smile]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Then you need to get away from the girl. [Smile]
 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
Is cutting off contact for 6 months an option, or is she someone that is too deeply imbedded in your group of friends/workplace/class sechedule/whatever for that to be a possibility?
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
Actually, we were cut off for 2 years... and didn't actually see each other for 6.
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
And how much dating did you do in that time?
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
I was serious with two girls during that time.
 
Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :
 
Paul,

I have the same agreement with the comment from Leonide.

quote:
The person who comes up with *that* answer will be awarded medals from every nation on Earth, my friend.
I expressed in detail my trouble doing this very thing in my landmark thread a few days ago. If you are interested you can read my PREVIOUS struggle.

The most practical advice I could give is that there are plenty of other women out there, and you just have to test the waters to find someone else. There is nothing quite like a new relationship to help ease the pain of a broken one. Well, that and blowing things up, I suppose. Edit: Also forgot, FPS fragfests and driving like Mario Andretti on Stacker 3 also help.

Just be careful to not do anything dangerous.
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
>> I was serious with two girls during that time. <<

And then what? The original girl came back (or you went back) and the feelings returned? Did they never go away? How long ago did all of this happen? What about non-serious dating?
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
You on AIM twinky?

Ender6666
 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
How did your feelings for this woman impact your relationships with the two women you were serious with during that 2 year span?

In my case, after I'd finally gotten over the ex-girlfriend (I'd also dated several people in the intrim, and hadn't had any contact with her for years, to no avail) I realized that on a subconscious level, I'd been using my pining for her as an excuse to kind of hold the world at arms length. It was a way of insulating myself from getting hurt again, albeit one that involved nurturing that previous hurt. Is it possible that you're doing something like this, without realizing it?
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
mooboy04, but I'm only online after work (about six hours from now).

I'm not trying to be pedantic; it's just hard to give proper advice without understanding what the story is. Seems as though you've already done at least some of the sensible things; maybe you should put her on the first colony ship to Mars or something [Wink]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
That would be an option if I didn't want her as a friend [Smile]

I want to fall out of love so that our friendship doesn't frustrate me every time she does or says something that the stupid part of my brain interprets as a "come hither."

Honestly, she IS a good friend. She's helped me through a couple of VERY rough periods, including being the only person who bothered listening to me when my parents seperated.

That, of course, is part of the problem.

Ahh, well. I'll live [Smile]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Urgh.

I don't like this setup. It's not healthy for you, man, good friend or no. [Frown] And no matter how awesome she is as a friend, your sanity is more important. Maybe what you need is final, 100% confirmation that your love is unrequieted. And I don't mean "make a move," like the sort of maybe kind of move where afterwards she still might not know how you feel, I mean something that cannot possibly be misconstrued, but not a weepy confession! You need to find out how she feels about you and she needs to find out how you feel about her. If that comes at the cost of the friendship... well, IMO, sanity >>>>> friend. Insane people can't really have friends at all [Wink]

So, pretend your balls are made of steel. Show it to her. Put it on her leg. See what she says. [Wink]

(Heck, just ask her out on what would unequivocally be a romantic-type date. Or do a striptease. Or something.)

And remember, a reply of "I don't want to mess up our friendship" is equivalent to a reply of "I want to have my cake and eat it too." I somehow doubt that this sort of answer will wreck the friendship in the long term, but I do think you're going to have to set it aside for a while until you get your feelings sorted out.

(That is to say, unless she responds to your show of affection with some sort of "It's about damn time!")

Edit:

I wanted to stay friends with The Girl after each of our breakups, too. The first time it led to another relationship a while later; the second time it led to me playing doormat until I finally grew a pair and said "I've had it with this setup, don't talk to me about boys." And this was the girl who helped me get through the death of one of my best friends. I valued her friendship and didn't want to lose it, but at the same time I wasn't about to be an emotional tampon, so to speak.

Now, while I don't see her that often, there's no tension when we hang out. I don't confide in her anymore and she doesn't confide in me, but that's fine because I don't need that from her anymore.

[ August 14, 2003, 11:38 AM: Message edited by: twinky ]
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
[overreacting]

quote:
maybe you should put her on the first colony ship to Mars or something [Wink]
[Eek!] I'm having trouble getting over you so you should change your entire life to accomodate me? [Eek!]

I know that was a joke, but I'm just not laughing.

[/overreating]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
" Or do a striptease'

Hrm. Now that I can handle *Grin*

Definetely better next time i'm in NYC then sending her the damn file via email though lol
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
twinky, you are a very smart man.

Paul - no matter what, unless you marry her, you will lose her eventually as a friend anyway. If you are that close to her, then you can't be that close to someone else.

You are going to lose her friendship anyway - maybe not next week, but eventually. Better to do it now and keep your sanity.
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
"Paul - no matter what, unless you marry her, you will lose her eventually as a friend anyway"

Ok, whether or not this is true in my particular case...

Why is it that men and women can't be friends if they knew each other before they married different people? I mean, I certainly hope I have several of the same female friends I do now, after I get married...
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
You're dodging the point, Paul [Razz]

You must say to her, in person, "I want to sex you repeatedly." If she says "Let's go," then you win. If she says "I want to have my cake and eat it too," you lose, but at least you know for sure. Right? [Smile]
 
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
I disagree with you on that one Kat. I think even if you are in a relationship it is possible to maintain friendships with the opposite sex outside of that relationship. I have and continue to do so, even with several guys with whom I was emotinally involved. So I don't think you will automatically lose her friendship if you don't marry her. That is unless you marry someone who isn't comfortable with themselves and doesn't trust you and becomes jealous.

But I'm coming from a different paradigm too, that where being an female engineer probably 2/3 of my friends were guys anyway.

AJ
 
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
and three of the guys acutally invited me to their weddings and valued my opinion with respect to their mates

AJ
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I don't mean as a friend forever, but as a best friend. As... as an other half. The primary emotional support. The other part of your world kind of friend.

I have guy friends that I do love and hang out with still, but with all of them, our relationship changed when they got married. With a couple, we aren't friends now because their wives weren't cool with it - despite NO history of dating, I was competition. With the ones I have kept, I have to be friends with their wives.

I've seen it the other way - when a guy marries his sweetheart but keeps another as his best friend. This is NOT a good situation. [Frown] And its easy to do, especially if there was nothing definitely romantic to start with. It's easy to deny something that never came to fruition.

--

Until just recently, my friends were always all guys. My boys in high school, the guys in college, my best friends.

*thinks* The ones with whom I am still friends after they married, I was "one of the guys". The ones that saw me as a girl, and saw being friends with me as a way to be close without freaking me out, I wasn't friends with after.

[ August 14, 2003, 12:00 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
I don't know if I agree with Kat or not. Look at that whole paragraph and not just the first sentence.

Sure, I'm friends with lots of men. I always have been. But I don't have any "ones that got away".

As long as you still love her, you won't be getting as close to anyone else. And it won't be just the insecure, jealous type. I don't think I qualify as that kind of girl, but I have been 2nd prize before. You know what? I'm too good to be a consolation gift. As is any woman worth having.

Edit: kat types too fast, i refer to her previous post. the one above me i agree with entirely.

[ August 14, 2003, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: celia60 ]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
I agree with that, Celia.
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Paul has 1337 posts!

[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
AND I MISSED IT! URRGH!
 
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
 
Try deleting a few posts and then doing it again, like how driving in reverse will roll back your odometer.
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
[ROFL]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
And I've almost caught up to Jon Boy...

*post-whores furiously*
 
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
That was actually funny, Jon Boy.
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
ug, skimmed thread a second time and noticed twinky's edit.

i cannot forgive you for the horror that is "emotional tampon" i can only spread the horror by repeating that phrase in this post.
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
quote:
Why is it that men and women can't be friends if they knew each other before they married different people? I mean, I certainly hope I have several of the same female friends I do now, after I get married...
Holy cow, man. Have you never seen When Harry Met Sally?!?

quote:
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not!
Harry: Do to.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do to.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.



 
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
 
I'm actually trying to cut back on my post-whoring, Twinky, so maybe you'll pass me pretty soon.

*deletes posts furiously*
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Bwahahaha! [Big Grin]

Actually, my goal is to catch Pod, who is still about a thousand posts ahead of me even though he doesn't post much nowadays.

Really, though, I'm only posting so much because it's a summer work term, and who likes to do work in the summer? Honestly. [Razz]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
I just happen to know from experience that the scene from harry met sally is wrong.

I've had numerous female friends who didn't want to nail me, and whom I did not want to nail.

[Evil]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Yes, but something tells me that this particular friend isn't one of them. I think maybe it was the "I'm in love with her" thing [Wink]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
yeah, but I'm not convinced that this is a hindrance to friendship either, as I'm still friendly with the two people I've been serious with (even though one is married [Eek!] )
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
...you don't think unrequieted love will eventually drive you nuts?

Don't try to be Cyrano [Smile]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Persistant unrequited love with do a number on your self-esteem. You're worth more than that. That'll kill you.
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
you're still in love with the other 2 you're friends with?
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
No, not at all.
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
you still want to "nail" them?
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
No. Not at all.

This is my point, actually.

I KNOW its possible to be friends with someone you, at one time, were involved with/wanted to nail.
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
oh, bother. i'm going to put on a giant conical hat and go sit in the corner.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Maybe you can friends again when you are over her, then.

But you don't slide from worship to bonhomie without a fight. It doesn't look like willpower is going to do it.
 
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
You don't think the fact that you've loved this girl for 15 years is a problem? (since grade 3 and you're 24 now, right?)

I dunno man...
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
Eww. . . Paul loved an 8 year old?

[Kiss]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
BtL raises an excellent point.

But anyway, let me reiterate. You say you aren't sure she knows how you feel. Well, she needs to find out (again, no weepy confessional speech allowed). If she doesn't reciprocate your feelings it'd probably be best if you spent less time with her (if you live in the same area) or talked to her much less (if you don't) for a while.

[ August 14, 2003, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: twinky ]
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
Bob-
Its either a problem, or a sign of true love *grin*

At the moment, I'm trying to treat it like a problem. Cause it is.
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Careful. Talk like that will turn you into Cyrano.
 
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
 
Who the hell is cyrano?
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Wait - didn't Cyrano get the girl in the end.

*wanders off to google*
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
de Bergerac? Steve Martin. . . Roxanne.
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
quote:
In 1676 Cyrano's collected works appeared, which included a biting poem of Mazarin (1602-61), the famous French cardinal and statesman. Rostand's Cyrano de Bergerac describes the adventures of the 17th century nobleman, famous for his large nose and swordsmanship. "'Tis well known, a big nose is indicative / Of a soul affable, and kind, and courteous, / Liberal, brave, just like myself, and such / As you can never dare to dream yourself..." Cyrano desperately loves the beautiful Roxane, but agrees to help his rival, Christian, win her heart. The historians have pointed out that Rostand's portrayal of the hero was not truthful - Cyrano was a serious writer of philosophical romances and a virile lover.
Actually, his real life story is more interesting than the made-up one.

http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/bergerac.htm
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Hollywood has glossed over the ending again.

quote:
It is fifteen years later in a convent outside of Paris. Roxane lives as a secluded widow. Every week, Cyrano comes to give her news from the world. Two of Cyrano's friends arrive to visit, and privately they confer - Cyrano has been attacked, and he's close to death. Neither one knows how to tell Roxane. They go to check on Cyrano's condition, just as Cyrano comes to visit Roxane. He starts reading her his weekly report, then he grows weak, and asks to see the last letter Christian wrote to her. She gives it to him, and he begins reading it to her. Roxane realizes that Cyrano knows the letter by heart, and she figures out that it was Cyrano writing to her all along. Cyrano admits it, and explains that he's only telling her because he's dying. He asks Roxane if she could mourn both him and Christian in her heart, and she agrees. Cyrano composes one last poem while fencing with an invisible enemy, and then finally, he dies.
http://www.bookrags.com/notes/cyr/SUM.htm

Good grief, that's dreadful. *scowls*

[ August 14, 2003, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Cyrano de Bergerac most certainly did not get the girl in the end. After helping one of his soldiers to woo his love interest / close friend, he kept his feelings hidden even when the aforementioned soldier was killed in a war. The girl became a nun, and Cyrano stayed friends with her. He didn't tell her until he was about to die, and then promptly died.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Why did he do that!!!

[ August 14, 2003, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
quote:
In spite of innummerable enemies and abject poverty his gay invincible spirit shines forth at these meetings.
Well, that explains a lot. [Wink]

http://www.theatrehistory.com/french/rostand002.html
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Becuase she still loved the dead soldier and not him.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
[Frown]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
What was he going to say?

"Oh, by the way, all those love letters you thought were from Christian, they were from me. Now that he's dead, let's get it on!"

Hm, something tells me that wouldn't have gone over so well [Wink]
 
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Kat - You and I are just people of action. I don't think we could have stood not telling the object of our desire how we felt, even if it ended badly for us.

You know, red.
 
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
 
I always thought he never told her out of loyalty to his friend.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
But is all so pointless. It's like those romantic comedies where the only obstacle to the two getting together is, you know, deciding to get over it!

Ralphie, maybe you're right. [Smile]
 
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
 
Yeah, I'll admit Ralphie and I do have widely differing views on the relative merits of pining. I see it as harmless fun, a worthwhile and enriching pastime, though only in moderation, of course. Ralphie doesn't see the point.

I guess that's why I go for black. It's all silence and negation.
 


Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2