I was reading in Judges last night and, of course, every once in a while I came across a line that would make me pause. There's just something in the way it's written, something about it that makes me giggle.
Today's example: Judges 14:18 (Samson, speaking of Delilah) " . . . and he said to them, 'If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have found out the answer to my riddle'."
If you truncate it somewhat, Jeremiah 25:27 is also a hoot: "Then tell them, 'This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Drink, get drunk and vomit . . ." It goes on to sober up and make a serious point, but it's things like that that keep the Bible interesting to me.
Anybody else run across any good ones lately?
Q.
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
It's the donkey genitals that get to me, really. Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
*bites tongue*
.:cough:.
So, Lissa. . .how've you been? ^_^
Q.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
Duteronomy 23:1 HE that is wounded• in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 23:12-14 12 ¶ Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:
13 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that• which cometh from thee:
14 For the LORD thy God walketh• in the midst• of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.
1 Sam 25:22 So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any• that pisseth against the wall.
2 Kings 18:27 But Rab-shakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
Proverbs 23:13-14 13 Withhold not acorrection from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit•, so a fool returneth to his folly.
Genesis 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
That's all for now. I have to leave some for everyone else. By the way, that's KJV, the most amusing of all translations.
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
I'm standing behind Proverbs 26: 4-5 as my favorite pair of verses. This passage also has, you will also observe, the additional benefit of being the only one on this thread that doesn't mention naughty bits or bodily fluids/functions (ok, ok, except for the child-beating one).
[ August 07, 2003, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: Lissande ]
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
I think the most amusing could be arguably the NWT - it refers to Marshmallows in the book of Job. Unfortunately, my copy is at home, so I can't give you the verse. . .
Either that, or I'd have to go with Dr. Porter's "A Conservative Version"(ACV) that he did all by himself. It'd be comic if it weren't so blasted sad.
Q.
[ August 07, 2003, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: asQmh ]
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
I think the marshmallows stem from a corrupt reading that seems to have crept into the text.
Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.
Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.
Are these the verses you liked? <laughs> What does this mean? Should you or shouldn't you?
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
Should you or shouldn't you? The answer, of course, is yes. You either should or shouldn't. ^_^
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
But that's the beauty of it! In every situation you must choose which of the verses to follow. Life is a series of trade-offs; these two verses show more than any others I've seen that pithy phrasing does not make a universal law. Proverbs is not a prescriptive how-to book for slot-machine-style living - do this get that result - it's just a collection of suggestions that are sometimes, perhaps even usually, but certainly not always, true.
I can think of a lot of obnoxious people who need to let that sink in... "raise up a child in the way he should go" does not mean that an adult child's straying should be laid squarely at his parents' door. And though the proverbist claims that he was young and is now old and has never seen a righteous man's children begging for bread, I say that I was young and am now young, and I have. Obnoxious people of the world, remember this next time you're preaching to the suffering!
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
quote:But that's the beauty of it! In every situation you must choose which of the verses to follow
You're a closet Unitarian, aren't you?
Q.
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
There are no Unitarians in my closet! What are you talking about? *perfectly convincing bewildered look*
*thwap* I was only talking about verses which directly contradict each other in direct commands, anyway.
Oh yeah, and for no particular reason.
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
*cleans out closet*
Found a disciple of Christ and a couple of heretics, but that was it.
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
I was NOT hiding in your closet.
Did I tell you about the shirts?
Q
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
Yes. Didn't have one of those in the closet though; it was crumpled up on the floor from the last time I wore it.
And stay away from my closet.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Anne Kate, perhaps the correct approach is to simply not answer fools at all.
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
.:whispers to lissa:. I think Tom has us pegged!
*ahem*
Tom, if you keep waving pointed statements around, someone could lose an eye. . . ^_^
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
It was the closet thing, wasn't it?
I briefly considered posting that I hadn't not noticed it, but then realized I'd be answering, or else not answering...and certainly don't want to continue down that road, laden with meaninglessness and double negatives as it is.
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