The good news is that I am no longer in a toxic environment. And it really was toxic to me. The managers were long on criticism and short on praise. I can't remember the last time they said "job well done!" on something. It's been months. And I was always so terribly frustrated there. It really seemed like I could do nothing right, and that everything was so very hard, and it shouldn't be. This was easy stuff. Wasn't it?
I've talked this over with my therapist many times. Yeah, it's easy stuff -- for someone with the right experience, skills, and personality, none of which I had. The fact that I didn't excel at my job had nothing to do with not trying hard or being inadequate or less than a capable human being. I simply was not meant to be in that job.
Still hurts to lose it, though. Because this is the second job in a row that I've been fired from. And there's this part of me that really does feel that I am incapable, or that my depression will always hinder me in life. I was fired from my previous job due to depression.
I'm just glad they had the sense to do this in the morning, so I have the rest of the day to take care of things.
Good news is that I've been looking for a new job for a while, and I have some very promising leads. Will definitely follow up on them, if not today, then Monday.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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Let me know if you want to do something (inexpensive <grin>) this weekend. I'm going to be at a dog obedience trial in Arlington Heights in the mornings but that should be over by mid afternoon.
posted
Well, xnera -- my position might be open soon! <WINK>
Not that you'd want to move to Kansas.
Or put up with this great group of guys I work with -- who love yelling "douche bag" at each other across the room while I'm on the phone to customers...
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((xnera)) Did you see this coming? I'm glad that you're out of an environment that's toxic to you. I had one consulting job, back when I lived in KS, that was like that. They offered to hire me after I got laid off from the consultant company through whom I'd worked for them (now *that's* a convoluted sentence!), when I was getting pretty desperate for work. I'm so glad that I didn't have to accept their offer; I think that working there would have killed a part of me.
Farmgirl, I'll bet that the other guys in my IT dept. make the guys in your IT dept. look like models of well mannered professionalism. I love the people I work with, but I'm stunned by how boisterous they are. Working here is kind of like being part of a huge plesantly disfunctional family.
But back to you xnera. That wasn't the job for you, but there are good jobs out there that you'll be happy doing, with bosses that will count themselves lucky to have found you. You'll find one of them.
posted
yes, I've always said working around these guys is like working with a bunch of teenagers, except that my real TEENAGE sons don't even talk like this (at least that I know of).
That is one of the drawbacks to the possibility of me being transferred to a different department -- I'm sure my presence here as a female at least helps keep them toned down a LITTLE -- imagine what they were be like when "momma" isn't here to tell them to shush?
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Yeah, I knew this was coming. In fact, all they had to say to me today was "We have bad news" and I said, "Yeah, I know".
What sucks about this is they *did* consider themselves lucky to find me. At first, anyway. I'm still clueless as to what happened to change things. How did I go from a productive, energetic, valuable employee to one that continually makes mistakes and dreads going to work? I don't think it was depression this time. I do know that they pushed me way too fast, dumping a load of responsibility on me without any real warning. I also felt a lot of times that my manager, who had been there for NINE YEARS, had simply forgotten what it was like to be new to the business. I mean, how was I to know this customer got a special price, and that one always got proofs of everything, if it wasn't documented in the system correctly? And I really could have used help on how to deal with upset customers. I didn't know what to do if a customer didn't like their product and wanted a redo. When did I charge them full price? When did I split the cost? When would we do it for free?
Okay, I'm ranting now. But it feels good, because it's reminding me that this is *not* because I'm clueless and incapable, it's because I didn't have the necessary training.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Jeez, Farmgirl... isn't there any management in your office? Surely you're not expected to set a good example and shush your coworkers simply because you're female?!? It's their own freaking responsibility to act in a professional manner in front of customers, and they don't get a "pass" simply because they're male.
Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Previously I did tech support. This most recent job was a combination of key operator/customer service rep at a copy/quick print shop. I took orders, entered them into the system, and ran the machinery. Basically, I had too much to do and not enough time to do it in.
[edit] My big fear for a while -- the fear that's kept me from applying for openings I've found -- is that I won't find anything that's a good fit for me. Or at least, nothing that is both a good fit and pays enough to live on. Even if I had absolutely loved this job and excelled at it, I was being forced to look for a new one anyway, because it wasn't paying enough to cover all my bills.
So my question is, how will I know a job is the right one for me? Some people can work in any environment. My dad is one. Goes to work, does his job, comes home. Me, I really need to feel that my work is worthwhile, and it feels like my brain is wired in such a way that there's only a few things I can really do. Problem is, I can't really figure out what those things are.
I know I'm not too good at dealing with customers. I'm an extreme introvert, so dealing with people all day tires me out. I'm also a codependent people-pleaser, which means I would overpromise stuff to customers because I wanted to make them happy. Not a good thing for a salesperson. So, no sales or CSR positions for me.
I also think one of the reasons I couldn't do this job well is that I couldn't really focus. I like getting lost in what I'm doing. Like typing this post. I need to take my time to focus and do the job right. At my recent position, I was constantly being bombarded with stimuli from all directions. The phone would be ringing. Customers would be walking in. The copier needed my attention. Little things started slipping through the cracks, and those little things added up to bigger things. So, I need to not be rushed so much. I need to do something that lets me spend some time on what I'm doing.
I'm good at analyzing. I have excellent intuition. In fact, I probably rely on my intuition too much. It got me in trouble on this job, because I often assumed I knew what I was doing because of intuition, but most of the times I'd be wrong. I think my intuition is strongest with ideas and emotions. Like I knew that I was going to be fired. I've known for months, because I could feel the shift in how my manager was relating to me. And I'm good at understanding stories and characters, and making jumps in logic. I'm just not good with things that require super attention to detail.
An employer is interested in me for a technical writing position. I think this might be a good fit. My only concern is that it's in the medical field, and I don't know too much about medical terminology. But I'm going to apply, anyway.
Sure there is management -- he loves to talk that way too.
No -- really don't think of it bad. It is all in good fun. I would much rather work in a place like this where there is this much freedom than for a manager who micro-manages. These are really good guys who would do ANYTHING for me if I asked, so I let them have their little fun and it doesn't bother me a bit.
Sometimes you just go with the flow and it is a happier workplace. If everyone is worried about "offending" someone else in the area, then no one has fun and work ends up being a drag. I've been guilty of my own snarky (and probably un-Christian at times) comments when bantering with them.
But I wouldn't trade these guys for the world. Best place I've ever worked.
posted
To be completely honest, Karen, I never felt like working in customer service was really your lot in life. I think you're well out of this.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Well xnera, you may not know at first. If I'd been walking in off the street interviewing for that position I turned down in KS, I'd have expected to love it. Luckily, working for them as a contractor for a month I got to see that my personality didn't fit at all with the boss's "boss" personality. Better to try, realize your mistake, and try again, though, than to not do anything for fear of ending up in a bad situation.
If you could be paid a living wage to do anything, what would it be?
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posted
Oh, Farmgirl, I'm all for a fun-loving work environment. One of my favorite positions ever was at our helpdesk, surrounded by crazy fun people. However, there was a big fat line drawn between joking around amongst ourselves, and joking around in front of the customers. Yelling stuff like "douche bag" while someone was on the phone was NOT ALLOWED. I mean, come on.
Posts: 2220 | Registered: Jun 1999
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Getting fired from a job you hate is a double-edged sword, isn't it? I'm sorry that the rug had to come out from under you, but I'm happier that you're out of such a place. My hopes for getting into a position that has good management are diminishing, though.
I'll broaden my job searches and send anything that I find in your area in your direction. You'll have to define "your area" because right all I can think of is "Chicago".
Technical writing sounds like a nice change of pace, actually. I've never done it before for a living, but it sounds like it might be a better fit than tech support.
Posts: 753 | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
I want a job hunt buddy! I need to land a full time job this summer and I didn't realize it was March. I know, I deserve what I get but I still need a job...
xnera, I was going to suggest technical writing for you! Maybe send katharina a note, as I think she's had some experience with this sort of job hunt, too.
You deserve better than to be unhappy, Karen. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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I don't know if this will help, but I know just how you feel. My life has been a series of jobs that have been ill-suited to me. The first job I ever had was at Wendy's. I worked there 6 months, and they never let me touch the cash register. Talk about inspiring employer confidence. The next job I got was assembling trusses at a construction plant. I was so poorly suited to that job that when I finally gave them notice two weeks before I had to move, they didn't even let me finish my shift, let alone the two weeks. I did telemarketing for two years, and it was so bad that I eventually left and took a pay cut so that I could get a job washing dishes, just so I could live with myself.
The irony is that, of all the jobs I've had, the job I ended up with is more like Wendy's than any other. I'm like you... an introvert that tires easily of dealing with people, and they can tell. My wife is excellent at dealing with people and customers love her. I don't know how she does it.
Anyway, that technical writing job sounds really good. It's great that you have a skill you can use, that you know what it is and enjoy doing it. You'll surely get a job if you look hard enough. There aren't nearly enough good writers around. And if you do happen to get the job that you mentioned and you need some medical terminology training, let me know. I've still got the book and the computer program that I used in my first year of pharmacy school. It's an easy course. You can spend a couple afternoons on it and come out with way more medical terminology than you'll ever need. Let me know if you need it.
posted
(((xnera))) Dearheart, I'm GLAD that you don't have to work there anymore. Your LJ entries about that job are enough to break my heart. You are qualified, responsible and a great worker, I know you'll find something.
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quote: To be completely honest, Karen, I never felt like working in customer service was really your lot in life. I think you're well out of this.
Well, at least it paid the bills for a while.
I wished I would have listened to my intuition, because it knew this wasn't the job for me back when I first started. I think I was a bit blinded by desperation, though, because I was about to run out of unemployment benefits and was scared I wouldn't be able to find anything else. So I took the job, even with my doubts. And I can't say it was entirely bad. I really did learn a lot about myself: my skills and abilities that I have and don't have, what kind of environment I need, what I will and will not accept from management. This can only strengthen my ability to look out for myself in the future.
quote:If you could be paid a living wage to do anything, what would it be?
I touched on that a bit here. I would love to be involved with the written word somehow, but I think I would be happy as long as I was either doing something creative or I was helping people in some way.
Here are some recommended jobs for my personality type:
quote: Jobs for INFPs include:
Artist, writer, entertainer, musician, editor, college professor (humanities), researcher, psychologist, counselor, child welfare counselor, legal mediator, minister, missionary, dietitian, massage therapist, team building consultant, personnel development specialist, social scientist.
All of these resonant with me. The ones I am most draw to are writer, editor, college professor, and researcher. I've also given some thought lately to being a counselor or life coach, though I fear that I would let others' emotions bother me too much. I do tend to absorb the emotions of those around me.
Lime: basically, anywhere within a 25 mile radius of Oak Lawn. I'm more than willing to drive. Would love to find something nearby, though, that I could walk to. Probably won't happen, though.
Thanks for the support, everyone.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Cool, a fellow job-hunting INFP! I was recently unemployed for over a year and have signed up for a 14-week temp job (as a secretary, ugh). Not sure what I'll do after that.
Another place you can take the Keirsey inventory is http://keirsey.com/ . (Take the FREE version; you can buy the WHOLE BOOK on sale and pay less than they want to charge you for the online full results).
I think INFP's have a hard time finding their niche. There just isn't a ready-made place-in-the-world for us...
posted
I, too, am currently hunting for a full-time job – for the first time in my life. I graduate at the end of this term.
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posted
AJ, I'm I would have to think about those job functions, but they're in the Northwest. I'm looking for Indiana/Colorado/Montana jobs...
Monster.com came up with one job for me when I did the largest search I could think of! And that means without any locational prefrence or anything. I'm begining to get worried here (no, Monster isn't the only recource I've used).
posted
That raises an interesting question, Karen: would you consider relocating? There are lots of places out there with better tech job markets than the western suburbs of Chicago, at least at the moment.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Okay, I want to make something clear: yes, I have a tech background, but that's really because I fell into it. I really don't have any desire to go back into the tech field. If I do, it will be something with a lot of automony, like technical writing or maybe printer repair. But it's not high on my list, because it simply doesn't excite me the way it used to.
I have mixed feelings about relocation. On the one hand, my whole family is in Chicago. I have nephews and a neice that I want to see grow up. It'd be hard to leave them. On the other hand, I don't really see them all that much as it is right now. And it's not like I'm dating anybody, or have superclose friends in the area. So I could probably survive relocation just fine. The concept is very alien to me, though, because I lived in the same house all my life, until I hit the age of 25 and decided to get my own place. I'm not used to picking up and moving.
If I *did* move, some of the cities that I've considered are Seattle, St. Louis, and Atlanta.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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Jean (my therapist) says that it is normal for me to be sleeping so much. That I spent so much of my energy trying to deal with the negative emotions brought on by my position that I've worn myself out and need time to recuperate.
Logically, I can understand this. Emotionally, I am beating myself up for doing nothing but sitting around all week. I just want to feel better. right now I feel pretty darn lousy.
I wish I knew exactly what I need right now. I know I need to get my confidence back. I know I'm searching for happiness. But I don't know what will make me happy right now.
Argh. This totally sucks.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
We don't have any plans this weekend. Want to come over and hang out for a bit? We can watch chick flicks or if you bring your DDR can watch me fall on my butt trying to do it. I'm sure Steve will catch on right away though.
posted
Tonight I am watching Wonderfalls, because it's Tim's show. And Tim Minear is second only to Joss Whedon, who fuels my soul.
I'm free tomorrow. And yeah, I can bring DDR over. It'd be good for me to get some exercise. Work some of the stiffness out of my legs from sleeping so much.
On Sunday we are celebrating my parents' 40th anniversary. I still need to come up with a present for them. My sisters are getting the grandkids photographed, but I have not yet produced a grandchild, so obviously that's out for me.
Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999
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