posted
I've been paying tuition all year for my daughter to attend a ballet school. Then I paid a lot for a costume, and then I paid a performance fee for the privilege of her being in the performance. Tonight is our third rehearsal this week for the program - each rehearsal has started, started mind you, at seven pm. And ended much, much later. We're still in school, now.
We have three performances this weekend - two on Saturday and one on Sunday.
Now, I can understand a need to reahearse and I don't begrudge practices, but my daughter is only in one dance. Seems to me that practicing just one time at the auditorium would be enough to famiarize the girls with the stage, but whatever.
What is really bugging me is that here I am putting myself way out in time and money, and my daughter is suffering in school because she's exhausted, and I've got to arrange childcare for the nights we've been gone - and while I don't expect anyone to applaud me, I would at least like a little, oh I don't know, courtesy?
Instead the director of the ballet school has spent every rehearsal yelling at the girls and the parents, including screaming from the stage at a woman with a toddler who was making some noise.
Now, I had to scramble to arrange childcare for my kids for three nights this week, so I sympathize that maybe she couldn't find someone to watch her toddler so she could sit in an auditorium and wait for her daughter who was being berated on stage by this woman. And yes, it may be annoying to have a kid in the audience, but then again people do have kids. And they might just want their little kids to see their big sister dance. And maybe, just maybe, you should remember that the parents in that audience are responsible for you having a ballet school AT ALL!!
I cannot describe to you how rude and condescending and just plain vicious this woman has been. Had I met her or had anything to do with her in the beginning of the year I would have withdrawn my child so fast her head would be spinning. Fortunately, my daughter's class was "beneath her" she only taught the high school age, the more advanced girls, so this is the first we've had to deal with her.
I can't tell you how happy I am that we'll be done with this woman and her school on Sunday. And that my daughter has decided that dance should be fun, and wants to go back to a dance studio closer to home where some of her friends attend.
She screamed last night at a girl for showing up out of costume. It was a dress rehearsal, but this girl was asked to step in and substitute for another girl, and the costume exchange had not taken place yet. When the girls' teacher tried to explain, did she apologize for screaming at the poor child? No she said "You should't have come to rehearsal without getting the costume first. Sit down."
posted
And then you have to pay for the recital on top of it, don't you?
My friend's daughter's ballet school charged for every person, even infants.
And then the daughter got lost in the walk from the stage back to the classroom, and they did not notice. My friend found her crying in the cafeteria, and when she confronted the teacher, she was chastised for having a daughter(age 4) who could not keep up with the group.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Actually no, the fee I've already paid covers admission for everyone.
But, it's just irritating. I'm so glad Nat doesn't want to stay there next year.
For one thing, she would have been required to attend all summer, and she asked me if I'd mind if she just had no commitments this summer. I said of course not. She was relieved. She said "I just want to hang out at home, read, make some jewelry, let you teach me how to quilt. I just don't want to have anywhere that I have to BE." If that isn't a hint that perhaps she was overscheduled, then I don't know what is.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
It also occurred to me that perhaps in some things professionalism is over-rated.
I mean, one reason we switched here is that the school is taught by people who also dance with and perform with a professional ballet. Maybe this woman just has trouble remembering that the 11 and 12 year olds on the stage aren't pros that she can boss around because she's paying them.
There's something to be said perhaps for people who teach dance because they love dance, and love kids. At first we appreciated the discipline and high standards of this school but I think Nat and I both miss the relaxed, dance because it's fun, atmosphere of the other school. Live and learn.
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posted
I don't know, I think ballet has always been pretty brutal on kids, at least the real ballet company ones. At least, according to the movies. ha ha.(realizing that is why I think this)
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
I think you are right to go back to the closer, neighborhood school. This ballet school sounds like it is trying to create professionals, whatever the age.
In that case, she's right - you don't come unprepared, you don't get lost, you don't make noise during a dress rehearsal because the value of the dress rehearsal goes down, you practice as much as possible in the venue so the production is as perfect as possible. The only thing that makes it sound harsh is that the dancers are little girls, but it sounds like the whole point of the school is to NOT treat them like little girls but like professionals.
If your daughter isn't planning on being a professional dancer, then it's better to be in a place where that isn't the end goal.
posted
I don't know how things go in the ballet business, but the point is that she is NOT a kindergarten teacher with learning as the end goal. Her desired product is a professional performance, not happy kids.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Kat, I've worked in professional theater and if a director EVER treated me the way this lady treated this little girl, I'd consider it unprofessional, and I wouldn't put up with it.
It DOESN'T sound at all like this dance company is looking to train up little dancers; that might be on their brochure, but that isn't the direction they seem to be going. Discipline works all ways-- director, actor, stage crew. You don't get to be inhuman just because you're older, or smarter, or better looking, or because you sit in a special chair. . .
[ May 06, 2005, 06:14 PM: Message edited by: Scott R ]
Posts: 14554 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
I did Irish dance. It's a very high-pressure thing, at least if you compete. Kids as young as 5, sometimes, compete. The dresses are freakin' EXPENSIVE, and while you don't TOUCH it until right before the performance, and put an "apron" on until you're ready to dance, you still have to be really careful not to ruin it. The competition is more high-pressure than most piano or dance recitals. The training can be rough, too, because the goal is to ready you for competition. I don't think that it's too much for kids who are ready for it. I didn't start until I was 8, which was a good thing for me; I couldn't have handled it at 5, like some kids do. However, I did appreciate the discipline it imparted, and when treated as a person capable of being responsible, learning dances, and doing them to my best ability, I lived up to that expectation, and was.
I'm not saying this teacher shouldn't have an attitude adjustment, just that pressure is not bad in and of itself. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:I'm told it's rough when life reminds you just how unimportant you are.
I'm storing that one away for future use.
Belle, my nephew has been dancing since age 3. His mother would not put up with any of this kind of nonsense when he was a little kid. Either it was fun or he wasn't doing it.
When they reach the level of deciding whether to compete or even go professional is when the adult leaders/teachers might need to take a firmer hand in making sure the kids come ready to work and learn. But even then, yelling at the kids isn't acceptable.
I suspect this woman is in over her head, stressed out beyond her capacity, or (as has been suggested) has finally realized that she will never succeed to the level she aspires.
At any rate, her bitterness can destroy kids' love for what should be a fun and rewarding activity. I wouldn't have her influencing MY kid if I could help it.
If the child really likes it, and doesn't mind the abuse, then maybe I'd let it go for awhile. But if the kids are starting to emulate her, or internalize her nastiness, then it'd be time to leave.
Performance arts can be stressful, to be sure, but not at the age you're dealing with there. The woman needs to find alternate employment if she's tearing into little kids.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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quote:I suspect this woman is in over her head, stressed out beyond her capacity, or (as has been suggested) has finally realized that she will never succeed to the level she aspires.
Or, people put up with her crap because she is able to deliver what she promises to.
I think that's truly the underlying cause of divaishness. If you act on your impulse and see no immediate negative consequences, it makes it easier to do it again.
I was in ballet for seven years, but never for anything other than fun. I couldn't have handled it and everyone knew it - pressure made me mulish and yelling made me cry. I did know that was part of the deal, as irritating as that may be. Maybe they consider like the 24 hour shifts residents have to do in a hospital. (1)What a crappy way to train a professional, and (2) This is how I was trained and I'm good, so let's keep doing it.
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posted
But, wouldn't it be better to make dancing enjoyable so they'd want to be professionals at it and be willing to practice more? There is no reason to be mean to little kids, but that Russian olympics coached seemed to think it worked and he'd point to how many gold medals his girls won...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Somehow, paying an adult to demonstrate to children that it is perfectly acceptable to be a jerk if you're in charge seems wrong. Irrespective of any above&beyond dancing/teaching/management/etc skills that the director brings to the job.
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My high school had one of the best choir programs in the state. The orchestra sucked, the band was so-so, the athletic teams were all the pits, but the choir (and, with some overlap, the drama department) were tops. Kids in the area grew up wanting to get into the top choir once they got into high school. Competition was very fierce, and high school careers were made and broken on the days that the lists were released showing who made it and who didn't.
The choir director was a complete hardcase. He was mostly humorless, very strict, surly, and almost never exhibited any sympathy, pity or tenderness of heart of any kind. He was always hurting people's feelings, and stepping on people's toes, and was universally cursed by the kids who didn't make the cut and their parents. But he got away with it, because the administration was in love with him and the success and attention he attracted to the school.
I was never a singer, although I can carry a tune, and I was also enough of an introvert not to want to perform in front of large groups quite in the way they did in that choir. However, I took an AP Music Theory class from this teacher, and did well, and actually got along with the guy. For some reason, I liked him and he liked me. I got to see a side of him that most others did not, and we clicked. He talked me into trying out for the band (rock-style) that accompanied the choir, and I did it, and made the cut. So, for my senior year, I was actually a member (second-class, since I was in the band) of the most elite and selective group in the school, indeed in the entire city.
I saw both the good and bad of this guy, and I got to find out a lot about his motivations and the way his mind worked than most people, and although I still do not approve of many of his practices in dealing with people, I tend to let it slide. He could be nicer, but his heart is in the right place, and he does get great results.
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posted
I get to deal with the other end of the spectrum - dance teachers who don't really care about the students in the class. Granted, it is extremely difficult to teach a class of 20-30 people to do a ballroom routine (each couple does the same routine), but lately, the quality and number of classes has dropped to the point that it's become a lot less fun to take classes. (Let's not forget the fact that all of the dance classes above beginner level are now geared only for students who want to eventually teach dance rather than people who want to learn dance) Most of the teachers here now just want to teach individual lessons rather than whole classes (they get paid much more to do that and are able to use the school's facilities). But I got a good laugh during our last regional dance competition as my favorite dance teacher's studio blew the living tar off of every other dance team in the area (she was forced to leave the school when the school refused to place her husband, another dance teacher, into a full time position doing custodial work). I'm probably going to start taking classes at her studio now, even though it's about 15 miles from here.
[ May 06, 2005, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: Boris ]
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posted
Oh, Belle. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this experience with ballet. It doesn't have to be that way.
I think this woman probably thinks she's being professional by acting like a jerk. But probably she's just seen too many ballet movies. I sometimes do props for a semi-professional ballet company, and this is not acceptable behavior for a professional.
The artistic director of the company I work for is a professional who has taught for years and who before that had a professional dancing career, including dancing on Broadway (since someone else invoked that image). The assistant artistic director, during her dancing career, was one of the top ballet dancers in Japan. The school the artistic director ran until her recent retirement from teaching has trained dancers who have gone on to dance for companies such as the Oakland Ballet and Smuin Ballet on the West Coast and the Dance Theater of Harlem on the East Coast. Also, for each production, the company brings in professional guest dancers. These people do not behave in the way you describe the woman from your daughter's ballet school.
Now, I'm not saying that no one ever yells. It is a high pressure environment, and the artistic director tends to get really stressed as opening night approaches, and she occasionally lets the stress show. She has been known, in fact, to yell at people. But I've never known her to do that that she hasn't apologized - to the entire company besides to the person she has yelled at. All the dancers, from the guest professionals all the way down to the littlest kids in "The Nutcracker" at Christmastime, as well all the crew members, are treated with dignity and respect.
And that is professionalism. People are human, and they sometimes don't act as well as they should. But when they do, they acknowledge it and take responsibility for it. Unlike the woman you describe, Belle. I really hope this hasn't put your daughter - or you - off ballet permanently.
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posted
I agree, there is no room for yelling there. That poor kid! I'm glad Nat decided to go to the closer school next year.
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Personally, I would recommend finding another place asap. I had a similar experience with my high school band instructor. He was just a very unpleasant person to deal with. He was very abrasive, and would often begin shouting at even slight problems. I only was in band my freshman year, but that one year was barely endurable. To be fair, the band did play fairly well. However, after a while so few people were interested in joining that the school dropped the marching band and almost canceled the band altogether.
As a funny and somewhat related story, there was one incident which almost made me wish that I had stayed in band my sophmore year. Before the start of school, the football team had a large fundraiser to raise money for new practice equiptment. At the same time as the fundraiser, there was marching band practice, and out of all the people in both activities, only one chose to go to band. After the fundraiser was over, the players went over to the band practice, which was about halfway through. The instructor took them all outside and proceeded to yell at them for quite a while. A friend of mine was one of those people who got yelled at, and sometime during that practice his dad found out about this. I'm not entirely sure who told him about it, since my friend was still at band, but he immediately drove down to the high school. Now, to really do this story justice, you would have to know this guy. Since you don't know him, however, just let me say that he is a former marine MP. And while he is a very nice guy, he is one of the most intimidating people I have met. Anyways, he goes down to the high school, pulls the band instructor aside, and proceeds to cuss him out for the next 20 minutes. As much as I hated band, I would almost have chosen to endure another semester of band simply to have been there when this happened.
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