posted
Do not panic. Nobody I've spoken of here has passed away.
Yet as Halloween approaches, and perhaps more importantly, The Day of the Dead, I have been recently confronted by loss and have decided to inflict my personal whimperings here, under the guise of artistic posting.
It began last Tuesday, or perhaps Wednesday was its begining, but Tuesday was its percursor.
Tuesday was a day of too much luck.
My present job, for which I have invested over 11 years, has gone down hill. New management has left me feeling outside, unappreciated, and just one overpaid cog in a machine that they would like to pay much less.
There is no future here.
On Tuesday they came out with a new pay plan. Each person was scheduled to go into a private meeting with the manager, and have their specific pay presented to them. They were doing this, so they said, because they understood the entire departments unhappiness with the present situation, and they want to make it better.
On Tuesday the first coworker went into the office, and came out thrilled. She talked about increased pay and new opportunities and several other great new things.
As I sat in the job and the office I was comfortable with, I started to have hope that change and leaving would not be neccesary.
That same day one company that promised to make me a Job Offer after reviewing my references returned my e-mail. The Job offer had been delayed due to personal problems on their end, but it was still on track.
Thursday at 9:00am I would know more.
Finally, an old associate of mine offered me a gig as a clown for the following Friday. I am a professional clown, working mostly for the entertainment company that I sell for. Unfortunately the new management has chosen to get their clowns from another agency instead of picking up one or two here and there.
They haven't booked me for a year, and only twice the previous year. Getting $100 for a couple hours work and not having my clown materials go to waste was great news. Knowing that these talents were appreciated by another performer was also good.
Tuesday I was flying high.
Wedensday came by.
I recieved a call from my mother. Our plans for Sunday, a church dinner we haven't missed in 10 years, were being cancelled. One of her friends had passed away. The Viewing was for Sunday.
Two more people had their fun interviews with management. One was thrilled, but one was not.
The fourth person to have their meeting had it cancelled. The manager in question had playoff tickets. He said, as he ran out the door, that he would reschedule.
Thursday came up and my sleep was limited. Was I getting my hopes up too much? Could I stay where I was comfortable?
My 9:00am meeting rolled around. Well, 9:00am rolled around. The manager showed up at work about 5 minutes later, and headed into another managers office. They spent 20 minutes discussing the previous nights baseball game.
He popped his head in my office at about 10. "Lets reschedule!" he said. When? Details to follow.
He then spent an hour with the only other sales staff. I had hopes of a managerial position, or some of my marketing plans being considered, or anything that might make my present job more workable.
Then the news came through Hatrack. We had our first Jatraquero death. We lost Centurion I started to go numb
Management and I met after lunch. I was prepared to be wooed and wowwed.
The first words out of his mouth, "Dan, have you considered it might be time for you to move on..."
He feared that I was already looking for another job. Surprisingly, he was right. He also believed that my lack of success this year was based on my "checking out early". He saw me as a lame duck salesman, putting in the time, but not the effort. That was patently wrong.
I don't want to go into the long history of this situation. I pride myself on my work ethic, and felt bad the few times I did take time off for job interviews. That sounds bad, but I had my limit of sick days that I used, and even then I was in the office more often, and worked harder when I was there, than this manager was.
We talked for about an hour, he trying hard to get me to commit to staying or going, me trying hard to get him to tell me what the new pay plan was, so I could make that decision.
Finally, the new pay plan was brought out. My commision rate would go up 3 percent for most sales (as compared to down 2 percent which is what they planned on). That was great. My draw would not increase, I was already making more of a draw than anyone else. That did not matter to me, because I live on what I sell--the commisions, not on the draw.
Then the kicker was mumbled. In sales you are normally paid bonus over a salary, on pure commision, or on a draw against that commision. That is how we were being paid. They give us so much money a week, but at the end of each quarter all of our commisions are figured out, and the total of the "draw" that they paid us is deducted from that commision check.
Since the entertainment business that I work for is very seasonal, this means that during the winter quarters, we usually don't cover our draw, but during the summer, we get big commision checks.
They wanted to change that, by having the commisions given at "Management's Discretion." In other words, they would sit on the majority of our commision checks, and use that as a pool to cover our draws during the slow months.
They were taking one more step from moving my position from a sales position to one of hourly telemarketer.
As I left that meeting, we had agreed to give me until Monday to decide if I was staying or going. As I crunched the numbers, I realized I was going, but I needed to get the other job first.
Friday came around and I was depressed.
Still, I grabbed my clown outfit and brought it to work. I was going to change at work, then after work I would pick up my son at his school/daycare. Its a Montessori in the basement of a church. I thought he'd get a kick out of seeing his silly old man.
Good news began to sneak in.
The manager who feared I was not committed to work while at the office, spent the day on his cell phone arranging World Series tickets.
He put off our final meeting to Tuesday, because he was flying up to Boston for the first two games and wouldn't be able to make it back on Monday.
I started making arragements for the Funeral on Sunday. Sasha and Cindy would stay home. I would go with my parents.
Then, as I was about ready to go home for the day I checked my private e-mail one last time.
"Dan, in regards to your references, I've heard enough. Can we meet again on Monday?"
I shot out a quick "Yes!" and was ready for a great weekend.
I dressed up in my clown outfit and headed to pick up my son.
As I pulled into the church I noticed a large number of cars in the parking lot. I noticed a large number of people in dark suits. I headed down to the basement to pick up Sasha and was quickly directed to the first floor classrooms.
They church basement was busy.
They were having a Funeral.
That's right, I walked into a funeral in full clown gear.
I have to run off to that final meeting now. I'll be back later to let you know how the rest of my morbidly odd week went, and why I may not be around as much to entertain or depress you.
posted
Your week sounds like it's been pretty similar to mine. It sucks, but at least it looks like a phoenix may rise from the ashes of your loss (Sorry for the bad analogy). It's hard to let go of things you've invested so much in, even when you realize they're not worth saving anymore.
posted
Dan... hope things worked out with that interview. I am crossing my fingers and toes for you to get good news.
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
Friday evening, as a clown, went wonderful. We had dropped Sasha off at his great-grandmothers and he actually behaved himself.
Friday night and all day Saturday were not spent in two ways. My body went through the motion of living, but my mind was stuck on mourning the loss of my job.
I should have been happy that a new exciting opportunity was being handed to me.
Instead, I was mourning over the loss. I had spent 11 1/2 years living with a small company. I watched it grow, no, I helped it grow from a four man operation in the bosses garage to a multi-million dollar company with 100+ employees.
I am good friends with the original owner. I have valuable gifts they gave me, like a still-in-the-box 20 year old German train set, and magic tricks, and more.
I met some wild and wonderful people, who I shall never see again. They left before I did, and of all the people at the company now, only I remember them. Their stories and their work will soon be forgotten.
As will I.
That is the way of the world, but I don't have to like it.
There was also fear. I have to admit that the new opportunity offers great pay, but its doing something I haven't done in 15 years. Doubts filled my weekend.
Sunday, plans changed three times by noon. Eventually I took Cindy and Sasha with me to meet my family. We then traded cars and I joined the funeral contingent while the others went to play in the park.
I said good-bye to Ms. Ruby Kohler.
She was a grand friend of my parents, and more importantly to me, she was part of that village that raised me.
Every spring, summer, and fall weekend between my ages of 1 and 10, my parents would go camping. We would pack our RV and head out to parts unknown. A large part of the time was spent with a like minded group of fun people. They banded together to form the "Open Road Camping Club."
I could fill a book with the stories of this great group of people. I don't have to. My mother has already, though no one has published it yet. If I ever get the opportunity to re-write it, it would be perfect. However, critiquing your mother is never a fun thing to do.
Ruby Kohler, and her husband Frank were a staple of that camping community. Frank was the fisherman and cook and cement layer and all around great person. Ruby was the card player and a great big mother-earth figure. Her sons were older than me, which meant I worshiped them. This gave her plenty of time to feed me, watch me, and keep me safe.
I don't think I ever said thanks.
Not that I needed to. Everyone in that camping group did the same to everyone's kids. It was expected. It was part of the fun for them, and for us kids.
He husband had passed away just over a year ago. She followed at her own leisurely pace.
I had not seen her in 4 years, since my parents big 40th anniversary party. I don't think I spoke 20 words to her in the past 10 years. We were not close, but looking at her there, I felt another part of me slipping away. There were more stories that would never be told, more words never said, more memories I would not share with anyone else.
I looked at my parents, my father after his strokes, getting along in his wheel chair, still grabbing after as much life and laughter as he can get, and my mother, daring to write down all she remembers about these dear people, and making them somewhat immortal, and I wonder how long will I have them.
The funeral home was three blocks from where my new job will be.
Omens? Metaphors? Coincidences that tug at the conscience?
We left the funeral home and went back to my Aunts. She was introducing Sasha to her son, a cousin he had yet to meet. A cousin I always considered a young man, single, and full of potential. He's older than me, and has some stomach ailments. His girlfriend and him spend the weekend cleaning out my Aunt's gutters. I realize that my Aunt will never have grand children of her own. I let her hug Sasha a few extra times.
So now I get to the really sad part.
I just told my new bosses that I would be starting with them.
Tomorrow I tell my manager. Whether he will want to meet early or late I do not know. Whether he will want me to work for 2 weeks tieing up loose ends, or will personally escort me to my desk so I can clean it out and leave, I do not know.
What I do know is that at best I will post on here as often as usual for the next couple of weeks, but then drop down to evening and weekend posting.
At worse, that starts tomorrow.
If you don't see me on much, well, I won't be at a desk with time to type while waiting for my sales tracking program to load.
I'll be working.
Thanks for all your good wishes.
On the other hand, I will be getting new toys to play with. I'll be selling Cell Phones to companies, and that means Blackberry of my very own.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
Perhaps you're supposed to take from it that in even the most morose of situations, something unexpected and fun can happen.
Posts: 472 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
It's good that no one freaked out at the funeral - I am terrified of clowns and would probably have fainted.
Congratulations on the new job, Dan. It's always good to get out of a bad work situation and into a better one. Good luck.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dan, I was worried about you until I read that part about the clown suit and the funeral. Anyone for whom things like that happen has a special place in this universe. Enjoy the next adventure!
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
| IP: Logged |
I had a sore throat that sent me to bed by 8:00pm.
This morning it wasn't much better.
I have hardly eaten a thing in 24 hours.
Yet I managed to tell my boss I was leaving.
He set today as a meeting to get my final word on the situation, then decided to save that meeting for the end of the day.
So I waited all day to tell him good bye.
Today the company bought us lunch to show us how much they appreciate us.
During that lunch we all discussed plans for our upcoming holiday party.
My throat felt terrible and my stomach didn't feel much better.
My wife claims its stress. I fear its all psychosomatic, which I perceive as me being a big wimp.
Well, I went into the bosses office and politely said--bye.
He smiled, and said he really hated to see me go.
Smiled? Yeah, he hates to see me go. I do large parts of his job. He will miss me, but he's happy to see me go.
I can be replaced by someone cheaper.
I can be replaced by someone of the female persuasion.
I read his @#$@#$ smile.
However, since I offered my 2 weeks notice, he has decided to accept it. I was hoping he'd ask me to leave today, giving me some unpaid vacation time to read and write and relax.
not yet.
He has to talk to his boss about my replacement.
And he asked me not to tell anyone yet, so he can arrange things first.
I think that is what is causing the stress, me not being able to tell anyone in the office.
Oh well, I feel better. There is no turning back now. Onward and upward.
Why does my throat still feel soar?
Maybe its not psychosomatic. Maybe its strep. Oh, if I could be that lucky.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dan, tell anybody you want to. He can't tell you to keep quiet, you're two week notice is a courtesy to him. What's he going to do - fire you?
So long as you have record that you resigned, he can't hold that over you. Talk to your co-workers if you want to.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
Oh Dan_raven, what are we going to do with you?
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
