posted
Some of you may know that I belong to an Online Writing Workshop for Scifi, Fantasy and Horror. You may also know that I have edited for and ocasionally collaborated with one Slash the Berzerker, of Hatrack infamy.
He graciously gave me permission to market some of the stuff we worked on together. Why he insists he's 'not a writer' I suppose I'll never know.
Anyway, I put up a couple of the stories, just to see if I had overloooked any goofs before trying to peddle them. One was "Whimpers". Slash posted a link to an early version a few years ago. Anyway, on to my rant.
The first (and so far only) reviewer evidently either didn't read the comments that Slash had written most of it, or... something.
quote: All that said, some things in this didn't ring true. The opening is believeable enough -- it's seven lines into the story before the reader even knows is sci-fi. The bit with the refrigerator also works. But after that I find the characterization a little weak. Remember, this guy doesn't know for sure if there's anyone left alive anywhere. He's got nobody to offend by offering a more satisfying expletive than "heck". And I don't care what kind of Orange County milquetoast he is, the purported last man on earth isn't going to put down porn and take home Martha Stewart. Sorry, I just don't believe that Martha will outlast human civilization but smut won't. I mean, do *you* believe that? (Incidentally, this guy seems to have an unusual -- a woman might call it "healthy" or "non-threatening" but I read it as *idealized* or *antiseptic* -- approach to women. This is the problem with writing from the perspective of a narrator of the opposite sex.
I think he may have just said that because I use my real name on the workshop, not just innitials or something. "Olivia" is a very , ah, girly name. Maybe he thinks I'm a teenager or something. But the narrator was all written by Slash.
Oh, and I think this bit proves that he didn't read the end very carefully and missed key info about the character in question:
quote: Also, what about the emotional state of this narrator? Not a hint of survivor guilt -- or even of grief of having lost even a single loved one! And again, unless this guy the sole survivor of the Fab Five, he's not going up to Sacramento just to re-do a riverview loft based on a layout he saw in Martha Stewart Living! I think you may have ended this story WAY TOO EARLY!!! In Harlan Ellison's novella "A Boy and His Dog" (it was made as an indie movie around 1980 starring a ridiculously young-looking Don Johnson), this point was just the start.
I'm trying very hard not blast men in general, because I know this guy is a very singular idiot. He told another writer with an unmistakeably female name to use a male pseudonym if she wrote a male protagonist, and even 'corrected' the behavior of some Marines in a story written by an actual Marine, currently stationed in Iraq. This after stating in his comments that he was aware the writer was a Marine.
GrrrRRAaRRr!
So, I guess I'm just ranting here to overcome my desire to email the idiot or do some other sort of response that will encourage him to note my continued existence.
Thank yo. That is all.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
A co-worker of mine got the same kind of aggravation this morning when he posted to a programming forum a simple question about a new programming API or something..
..and got a response from one guy that basically said, "you obviously are very novice and know nothing about programming" (this directed to a guy that has programmed for years, knows more languages than I can name, and runs several of his own tutorial forums on different programming languages).
Some people just think it is their job to correct the whole world in order to elevate themselves.
posted
This guy has all the arogance of someone who just turned 19 and thinks he is now understands the whole world. Don't let the guy bother you. He's a twit.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
His comments about the movie "A Boy and His Dog" support my about 19 theory. The movie was made in the early 70's which is culturally quite different from 1980.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think he claims in his bio to have been a news reporter for 11 years, but unpublished in fiction. So I don't think he's 19, maybe just stunted. Or he might be, and is just lying.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh, and Lindsay-- It's basically the same as he posted, with some editing. I re-wrote the part with the girl for him, to make her seem more real, but that was about all of my contribution.
I think this guy somehow missed that the narrator is a psycho killer type person. Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
That guy's leading criticism, "The characterization is kind of weak," is EXACTLY the line that Card always uses to point out an example of a useless story editor Funny that he should say that ...
Don't pay attention to readers who proscribe that you should be telling a totally different story. Well, no, do pay attention to them. Realize that, for some reason, they didn't like the story, and analyze that. But don't take their specifics suggestions seriously. This guy seems to be of very limited imagination if he can only think of one way for a post-apocalyptic survivor to think and act.
Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
I think Ty was making the guy sort of... impotent-sounding on purpose, because he doesn't think of women as sex objects. He just sort of kills them.
Maybe that's what short-circuited this guy's brain, or whatever passes for one.
He did have some vague criticism of the tense of the story, which will be helpful, I think. So I know no response is ever really useless. Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I love post-apocalyptic stories. Is your story available to read?
quote:And I don't care what kind of Orange County milquetoast he is, the purported last man on earth isn't going to put down porn and take home Martha Stewart. Sorry, I just don't believe that Martha will outlast human civilization but smut won't. I mean, do *you* believe that?
Of course I can't tell by these few gripes what the story is about, however, I really do believe that if given the choice of a porn magazine or any Martha Stewart book (as much as I can't stand the idea of her) any survivalist would logically take the MS Book.
The choice of porn would just indicate that he had given up, that he'd rather just whittle away his time, rather than really try to survive.
Again, I have absolutely no idea what the story is really about, however, the choice seems very wise to me and believable.
posted
Yeah, the choice was totally believable, given the character. Not in the way you're thinking though, Tammy.
Did this guy actually read the rest of the story? Picking up the Martha Stewart magazine is completely in character.
I loved this story, but one reading was enough. It was one of those where you feel almost polluted after you've read it, if you know what I mean.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yeah, Noemon, I know exactly what you mean.
I suppose I could email it to you, Tammy. If you want. Or anybody. Just send me an email (it's in the profile)
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
And It's not MY story, it's Slash's, mostly. I re-wrote the girl at the end for him, because he thought she wasn't working (I agreed). But that's all, aside from some editing.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I 'member that story. I posted a short critique of it and kind of got ripped a new one. But I don't think I was anywhere near as bad as this guy. Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I just read it. I'm no critic, but I liked it. I saw the end coming, but that's probably because I had already read enough on this thread to be expecting something.
quote: And again, unless this guy the sole survivor of the Fab Five, he's not going up to Sacramento just to re-do a riverview loft based on a layout he saw in Martha Stewart Living!
Did this guy read the same story?
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think he skimmed the , er, climax. In any case, I think you're right. He missed the point completely.
One of the things I did in the revision was taking out direct quotes by the girl. I thought hearing her 'actual words' took away from the depth of the narration, since the guy is too wack to really connect with another person in any real way.
But then, this makes me wonder if I made her ... too invisible. I mean, if a reader could completely miss her dying and all...
quote:I think he claims in his bio to have been a news reporter for 11 years, but unpublished in fiction. So I don't think he's 19, maybe just stunted. Or he might be, and is just lying.
I bet he's counting being a news reporter for his elementry school paper. This guys comments are juvenille. I guess that doesn't mean he's not old enough to know better, but his comments smell just like one would expect from someone who thinks he is far more worldly wise than he really is.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
It's on the Online Writing Workshop for SciFi Fantasy and Horror, but I think you have to join to see it (though I think they have a 30 day free trial membership).
Otherwise I could email you the latest version if you want. Just email me and promise to give some little tiny bit o' feedback. Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Or he might be, and is just lying.
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
