quote:

---

Originally posted by dantesparadigm:
Q: Why can't programmers tell the difference between Christmas and Halloween?

A: Because DEC[25] = OCT[31]

---

Awesome!
 

---

Posted by Soara (Member # 6729) on :
 
What were the last words spoken at the Last Supper?
--Everyone who wants to be in the picture, get on this side of the table.
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
And finally

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
 

---

Posted by Geekazoid99 (Member # 8254) on :
 
FToaS

All BEatiful

MAde me laugh five times each

am still laughing now
 

---

Posted by SoaPiNuReYe (Member # 9144) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick:
And finally

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

---

quote:

---

Don't tell me that's true

---

I thought it was, but it turns out just to be a rumor.
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
Dudes, it was just a joke.
 

---

Posted by SoaPiNuReYe (Member # 9144) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
Unfortunately, I didn't make those jokes up myself.
 

---

Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
 
There was this Toad, right. And he made disparaging remarks about New Jersey, right. And then he was never heard from again! It's more a counterpunch than a joke, but whaddeva.
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
There was this Toad, right. And he set his joke in a mythical environment of his own creation, so as not to anger the New Jersey Air Force.
 

---

Posted by I Am The War Chief (Member # 9266) on :
 
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't tell me that's true
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought it was, but it turns out just to be a rumor.
________________________________________________

This link says they still spent 2 million on this fandangled pen
 

---

Posted by Lucky_Sean (Member # 6223) on :
 
So three ducks enter a bar. The bartender asks the first one what his name is and how he is doing. "I'm Huey, and I've been going in and out of puddles all day! What more could a duck want?" So the bartender walks up to the second duck and asks again. "I'm Dewey, and I've been going in and out of puddles all day! What more could a duck want?" So the bartender catches on and walks up to the third duck and says "You must be Loui!" - "No. I'm Puddles."
 

---

Posted by Jimbo the Clown (Member # 9251) on :
 
An eighty-year old man is at the doctor. He is excitedly telling the doctor about a child his young wife just had. "I've still got it," the old man smirks.

The doctor looks at the poor chap. "Let me tell you a story. A hunter was once in a hurry. When he left his cabin, he grapped his umbrella instead of his gun! Well, he quickly realised his mistake, but as he was going back to the cabin, he came upon a bear. As the bear charged him, he held up his umbrella and squeezed the handle. Amazingly, the bear fell dead!"

"That's impossible!" The old man exclaimed. "Someone else must have shot that bear!"

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."
 

---

Posted by cheiros do ender (Member # 8849) on :
 
Those last two made my morning.
 

---

Posted by Pelegius (Member # 7868) on :
 
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to herd the space elephants and another to fill the bathtub up with power tools.
 

---

Posted by Princess Leah (Member # 6026) on :
 
Yay! An excuse to segue to my favorite joke EVAR omg.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.
 

---

Posted by Soara (Member # 6729) on :
 
A man hands a blind man a piece of matza. The blind man says, "Who wrote this nonsense?"
 

---

Posted by Pelegius (Member # 7868) on :
 
A nun, a rabbi, a Cardinal, a blond, a burnet, an Oxford graduate, a Cambridge alumnus and the Canadian curling team are in a van. They are pulled over by a county-mountie "You have exceeded the legal number of charecters in this joke" (It helps alot if you do a county-mountie voice, which is much like a local-yokel voice but countier.)

A nun, a rabbi and an iman walk into a bar, the bartended says (in a New Jersey accent) "hey what iz thiz, a joke?"
 

---

Posted by Amilia (Member # 8912) on :
 
Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy turns to the second guy and says, "You didn't see it either, did you?"
 

---

Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
 
Three guys walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.
 

---

Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Soara:
A man hands a blind man a piece of matza. The blind man says, "Who wrote this nonsense?"

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick:
Interesting

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by I Am The War Chief:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't tell me that's true
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought it was, but it turns out just to be a rumor.
________________________________________________

This link says they still spent 2 million on this fandangled pen

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papa Moose:
Two guys with no arms or legs in a window?

Curt 'n' Rod.

---

I haven't heard that one, hilarious!
 

---

Posted by TheDisgruntledPostman (Member # 7200) on :
 
ok...
a man just moved into a new town and went to find the local pub. He finally found it, entered and made his way towards the bar. He asked nicely for three seperate pints of beer, the bar tender complied with an odd look on his face, but buisness was buisness. So the man made it a point and did this ritual every day, and he became more friendly and known with the people after every visit. Then one day his new friends asked "hey connor, why do you get three pints every day". "Well you see, it was a tradition for me an my two brothers every day to get a pint and drink it with eachother, they still live in ireland"
so the mans oddity became something of respect until one day...
connor only ordered 2 pints of beer and everyone in the bar came up and were saying how sorry they were for his brothers death. Connor just looked at everyone and said "oo no no, my brother didnt die, i just gave up drinking"
pa doo cchhaaa
 

---

Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
 
Two muffins are baking in an oven.
The first muffin turns to the second and says, "Wow, sure is hot in here."
The second muffin says, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!"
 

---

Posted by Dr. Evil (Member # 8095) on :
 
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell
 

---

Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
 
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs who holds your food?

Trey

:groan:
 

---

Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
 
I love these jokes.

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs outside the door?

Matt.

Next can we do dead baby jokes, or is that too offensive?
 

---

Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
 
Two men walk into a bar... And the third one ducks.
________________________________________________________________________________________________


Once, a long time ago, a small monestary was in
debt, and was about to be closed down.
The friars then decided to open a flower shop.

Everybody loved buying the judiciously priced
flowers from the friendly friars.

One by one, all of the other flower shops closed
down until only one other remained.
The owner begged the friars to close down their
shop, for he would soon go out of business.

The friars explained to him that this money would
help the poor, and that as friars, they could
not close down this shop; they were doing the
Lord's work.

The man went back to his shop, and asked his
dying mother to go to the friar's shop and beg
for them to close it down.

Once again, the friars turned them down.

Finally, the owner of the rival shop hired Hugh,
the meanest, toughest, and most criminally-
inclined man in the town, to beat up the friars.

Hugh went to the shop and left it in ruins,
telling them "Next time you won't be so lucky!"
and the friars closed it down.

This proves that Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two cotton bol weavels were in a cotton field.
One went to hollywood and became a rich, famous
movie star. The other stayed in the field and sat
there and got fat. He was the lesser of two
weevels.
 

---

Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
 
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art
 

---

Posted by comp_u_geek (Member # 9378) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by solo:
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

Art

---

I havn't heard that one!!!
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
Q :How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?.
A : How many can you afford?.
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
Q: What's wrong with this picture? There are 5 lawyers in a Suburban SUV and they are about to drive off of a cliff.
A: A Suburban seats 8.

Sorry Dag.

[ June 09, 2006, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Flaming Toad on a Stick ]
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have Mesothelioma (asbestos lung cancer), and only 6 months to live.
Guy: And the bad news? Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
Guy: Thank God.
I was afraid I had cancer!
 

---

Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
 
Q: How do you get a baby out of a blender?

A: A straw.
 

---

Posted by Lucky_Sean (Member # 6223) on :
 
uh oh not the dead baby jokes, once those are out there is no turning back
 

---

Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
 
What is red and green and goes round and round at a hundred miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.
 

---

Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
 
Why does piglet stink?

'Cause he plays with Pooh.
 

---

Posted by Dr. Evil (Member # 8095) on :
 
A mushroom walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. the bartender looks at him and says "Hey, we don't serve your kind here!"

The mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!" (Don't make me explian it) :-)
 

---

Posted by Dr. Evil (Member # 8095) on :
 
A frog goes into a bank and he wants to borrow some money. He sits down at he desk of one Patricia Wack and proceeds to fill out the paperwork. She looks it over and says "Ok, Mr. Frog, the paperwork is in order but what do you have to give as collateral on this loan?" The frog whips out a glass bell from his extensive collection of glass bells and says "This glass bell has been sitting on my shelf for a long time and I think it will do." Ms. Wack stares at it and says "I am going to have to check with my manager on this one."

She walk into the manager's office, puts the bell on his desk and shows him the Frog's paperwork. The manager snorts, nods his head and says "It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan".

So bad it is memorable.
 

---

Posted by Artemisia Tridentata (Member # 8746) on :
 
The guy is visiting the Zoo. He sees a sign that says "Beware the Llama spits." He was!
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
Took me a while to get that, but it's all good.

I'm not really one for racist jokes(being at the butt-end of so many), but here it goes

What do you call a black pilot?

A pilot!


You f***ing racist!
 

---

Posted by RunningBear (Member # 8477) on :
 
I don’t get the llama joke...

Anyways,


This man is traveling through china on his pilgrimage, and every night he stays in a different house, and the residents allow him free board because he is on a holy voyage.

One day, the man arrives at a house shortly before dusk, and asks the resident, a monk, if he can stay the night. The monk says of course, but he must not touch the plum tree in his courtyard, and if he does, he will undergo the three forms of Chinese torture. The man says all right and goes upstairs and looks outside the window next to his bed and sees a plum tree sitting in an ornate square in the middle of a courtyard. He pays no mind to it because he has seen thousands of plum trees in his months of traveling. He lies down on his bed, and immediately falls asleep.

That night, as the moon shines in through his window, it wakes him up, and he cannot get back to sleep. He looks outside at the plum tree and begins to wonder about its significance, and why the monk was so protective of it. He heads down into the courtyard and meditates on the subject, but cannot reach an answer, still curious, he heads upstairs and goes to sleep.

The next morning, as he thanks the monk and leaves, he gets one last glance of the plum tree. Walking away, he wonders once again about the tree. That day, as he is traveling along the river, and has not seen any houses for quite a while, he comes to the bridge he planned to cross, but it has been washed out due to the monsoon season. Already workers are constructing a makeshift bridge, but it will not be ready till the next day. Sighing resignedly, he heads back to he monk's house and asks if he can stay the night, the monk says of course, but you must not touch the plum tree or... "I know" says the man, tired and sore, and thanks the monk and goes upstairs to sleep.

Once again he is woken by the moonlight, and once again is overcome by curiosity, and heads down to the courtyard. This time, however he has had a days walk to think about the tree and cannot resist grabbing a plum and eating it. Looking around, and seeing no movement, he spits out the pit, disappointed. It tasted no different than any other plum he had ever had. Dejected, he heads upstairs and falls asleep.

That morning, he wakes up to find a large rock on his chest, weighing about fifteen pounds with a card stating CHINESE TORTURE #1: Large Rock on Chest. Thinking that isn’t too bad he uses all his strength to push the rock out the window, and as he does he sees another card on the windowsill stating CHINESE TORTURE #2: Rock Tied to Left Nut. Panicking, the man leaps out the window after the rock, and as he falls he sees another card on the ground, CHINESE TORTURE #3:Right Nut Tied to Bedpost.
 

---

Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
 
Llama joke: try substituting "Be where" for "Beware".

*

In a hospital waiting room, four expectant fathers waited while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence," the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

In a little while, the nurse returned and turned to the second man. "Your wife just had beautiful triplets."

"That's an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time she turned to the third man, announcing that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. "Is this another coincidence?" asked the nurse.

When he regained his composure, he shouted, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"

After hearing this, everyone's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, he was whispering the same phrase over and over again.

"I never should've taken that job at 31 Flavors... I never should've taken that job at 31 Flavors... I never should've taken that job at 31 Flavors..."

[ May 06, 2006, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: CRash ]
 

---

Posted by Deceased House (Member # 9388) on :
 
Ok ill try one.

Three guys were wandering through the South American jungle when they were captured by a tribe of cannibals. They told the men that if they wanted to live, they must go into the woods and bring back 10 of any fruit they wish. The men looking around, noticed all the many fruits in the jungle, and thought to them selves "HELL YEAH", and went out to collect their fruit.

The first man came back about 10 minutes later carrying 10 apples. The cannibals then told him that if he wanted to live he must take those 10 fruit and stuff them in his a**, and if he made one gesture, no matter what kind, they would kill him. If not, he could go free.

So the man dropped his pants and proceeded to do the task in which he was assigned.
1...2......3......4...5...6, then the man screamed out in pain and the cannibals killed him and ate him.

The second man came back a few minutes later, this time with 10 berries. The cannibals told him he had the same offer, and so he accepted. He bent over an began his task 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9...and the man broke out in a hysterical laughter, and the cannibals killed him and ate him.


Moments later, in heaven, the first guy was talking to the second guy, and asked "you were doing so well, why did you laugh?"

To this the second guy answered "well as I was bent over I noticed the other guy with his fruit"

First guy: "yeah but why did you start to laugh?"
Second Guy: "well he was carrying pineapples"

[ May 09, 2006, 11:37 AM: Message edited by: Deceased House ]
 

---

Posted by Deceased House (Member # 9388) on :
 
No grammar issues please, I have to get to class, i'm late.
 

---

Posted by Deceased House (Member # 9388) on :
 
Im guessing it wasnt all that funny.
 

---

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
 
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.
 

---

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
 
A grilled cheese sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
 

---

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
 
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Bill Gates recently declared darkness to be the industry standard.
 

---

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
 
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he'd like a beer. Descartes says, "I think not," and disappears.
 

---

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
 
Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: Why did the chicken fall out of the tree?
A: It was stapled to the monkey.
 

---

Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
 
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


God damnit! Where's my tractor!


Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow.
Interruptin...
MOO!
 

---

Posted by comp_u_geek (Member # 9378) on :
 
ok this isn't really a joke but i think it's funny...

There are approximately two billion children (people under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance--this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in 001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
 

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Posted by comp_u_geek (Member # 9378) on :
 
this IS a joke...

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a

particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they

spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was

difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota

and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following

day. The husband checked

into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an

email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and

without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from

her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory

following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting

messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's

son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the

computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here

now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just

arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared

for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your

journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
 

---

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :
 
What do you get when you impale a toad on a stick and roast him over a campfire?

Answer: A person that everybody laughs at.
 

---

Posted by Kit the Odd (Member # 4975) on :
 
Q: What do you call and arm and a leg on the wall?

A: Pieces of Art.


(see solo's, 2nd from the top, if you don't get it.)
 

---

Posted by RunningBear (Member # 8477) on :
 
Why was the inkdrop sad?


His dad was in the pen and he didnt know how long the sentence would be.
 

---

Posted by Mazer (Member # 192) on :
 
Q. Why don't aliens eat clowns?

A. Because they taste funny.


Q. What's brown and sticky?

A. A stick.


Q. How much did the Pirate pay for his body piercings?

A. A buck an ear.


There was an indian tribe that had three squaws all expecting births around the same time. The first squaw went into labor and they had her give birth on a horsehide. She had a bouncing baby boy. Then the second squaw went into labor and gave birth upon a buffalo hide. She had a baby girl. The last squaw went into labor, and the tribe had no birthing hides left except for an old hippopotamus hide brought over by European explorers. The last squaw gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl.

So the moral to the story is:

The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.
 

---

Posted by Kit the Odd (Member # 4975) on :
 
Mazer, that is just wrong. I like it.


Then there's the story of the super-cheap toilet paper getting a name. They decided on "John Wayne Toilet Paper".

Because it was rough, tough, and didn't take crap off of anyone!
 

---

Posted by mgerb (Member # 9487) on :
 
Monkeys make everything funny...


Why did the monkey cross the road?

He was stuck to the chicken.
_________________________________________________

How do you kill a blue monkey?

With a blue monkey gun.

How do you kill a red monkey?

With a red monkey gun.

How do you kill a green monkey?

With a green monkey gun.

How do you kill a yellow monkey?

Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue monkey gun.
_________________________________________________

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.

Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree?

He was stapled to the dead monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?


Peer Pressure
 

---

Posted by xray (Member # 9553) on :
 
Q: what is the difference between a vampire and a lawer?

A: you have to pay the lawer to suck your blood


-Xray
 

---

Posted by Soara (Member # 6729) on :
 
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?

Its butt.
 

---

Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by mgerb:
How do you kill a yellow monkey?

Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue monkey gun.

---

quote:

---

What do you call an inapropriate, useless bump?

Seriously, I want to know.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gwen:

quote:

---

What do you call an inapropriate, useless bump?

Seriously, I want to know.

---

I don't get this one either, if the second line is supposed to the punch line and not a request for an answer...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gwen:

quote:

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What do you call an inapropriate, useless bump?

Seriously, I want to know.

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I don't get this one either, if the second line is supposed to the punch line and not a request for an answer...

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This thread was on the last page of the 45 day forum list. I just wanted to bump it. I know, it's not funny.

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